AIBU to be annoyed with DD nursery (long sorry)

[baloo1985]

DD is 3 and half years old, been going to nursery since she was 8 months. She's never been fond of going to nursery as she prefers to be with me doing things. However recently she has been very clingy when leaving her, even crying some mornings, which is put of character. When I pick her up her keyworker always says she has had a good day, been playing with her friends and eaten all her food etc. DD says shes had a good day but never goes into detail even if I ask. We moved in September so just chalked it down to change as nursery always say she's had a great day etc and I've not been concerned.

We had parents evening recently and keyworker tells me DD is withdrawn, doesn't talk at nursery, doesn't play with the other children, sits by her self looking at books, hasn't eaten her food for months, cries if forced into group play and hasn't spoken to keyworker for 2 weeks, nothing, not a word. I'm shocked as keyworker always tells me the opposite when I collect her and now its quiet apparent DD is miserable.

I've asked her if she is happy, she says yes but I don't believe her. She avoids questions about her day and doesn't talk about nursery or her friends anymore.

DD is happy at home, talkative, running around having fun, she is shy around people she doesn't know, but not subdued as what I now believe she is a nursery.

On top of this they have asked me not to take her in on the 2nd January as they don't want to work and only 3 kids are due in. They still want me to pay for the day and I still have to go to work so I told them no. They've ask me to 'sleep on it' and let them know next week. This is the 2nd time in a few months they have asked me not to bring her in because they want a day off and I think its completely unreasonable and putting me in an awkward position.

AIBU to think that DD keyworker is pants and the nursery are complete rubbish? Thinking of moving her now as lost all confidence in them but for 2days a week for 9 months until she starts school unsure if this will do her more harm than good? Any advice welcome please

[HappyAsASandboy]

I would move her, perhaps to a childminder if she's been miserable at nursery? The keyworker sounds mad - I might understand if handover at the end of the day was with a different member of staff who had been giving a generic 'everything's fine' message, but for the keyworker to tell you at handover that everything's fine and then back track at parents evening is very odd.

Asking you to consider keeping DD off on Jan 2nd seems reasonable to me, but unless they're officially closed or going to refund the fee for the day, they should accept it if you say no. It is very strange to ask for you to keep her home on random days other than at christmas IME.

I would move my children even if it is 'only' two days a week for 9 months. That's quite a lot of days if your DD is unhappy and the nursery are unreasonable.

Good luck!

[Fairywhitebear]

'hasn't eaten her food for months'

This alone would worry me, Because basically they've been lying to you/covering things up EVERY time you've picked her up.

Move her. Now.

[LittleBearPad]

I'd think about moving her.

Did you ask the key worker at all about the difference between the daily reports and the overall view. I'd have been so surprised I probably wouldn't have thought to do so but the question should be asked.

Fine if they want to shut on the 2nd but they absolutely shouldn't charge you. Cheeky!

[jelliebelly]

Move her - her key worker is obviously not telling you the full picture when you collect her - I'd be furious!!

[jelliebelly]

2nd Jan situation is unreasonable too

[pommedeterre]

Move her. If you find a good one she'll settle very quickly and be happy.

Move her.

[baloo1985]

Thanks for your replies.

Keyworker said she hasn't told us because she thought it was a phase and no concern but I think that's wrong, I want to know how her day has really been not what they want me to hear.

Just had a quiet talk with DD and she said the children are naughty and have been hitting her and she doesn't like them so chooses to play alone, never been told this by keyworker and could just be playful imagination but not good. Asked her if she wants to go to a new nursery and make new friends and she said yes so will definitely be looking elsewhere now.

[TiggyD]

Move her. You were unlucky to find one of the 80% of poor nurseries.

[PoppyWearer]

Trust your instincts.

2nd Jan request sounds off to me. Our nursery have always asked about Christmas Eve because they like to send staff home early if possible, which is fine. Once I asked them to keep DC1 on Christmas Eve until after lunch and they didn't quibble or complain. But I've never - in many years of nursery-going - been asked about 2nd January! Unless you are in Scotland?

[Darquesse]

I second the Childminder recommendation, its more of a home environment so your dd might be more comfortable.

[MrsDarylDixon]

Gosh your poor dd!

Yes I'd move her. If they've been lying to you about this how can you trust them about anything?

A childminder might suit your dd better. If you're in Sheffield I can recommend mine- she's amazing!

[baloo1985]

Nope not in scotland. South of england. Its a normal working day, albeit a rubbish one. Other occasion they asked her not to come in was coincidently the hottest day of the year here and they had planning sunbathing 'team building' at the beach, still wanted me to pay though.

[HappydaysArehere]

Sounds really disorganised and unreliable. Move her and tell the nursery why. Unprofessional is uppermost in my mind. Sounds as if the lack of expertise extends to managing the children.

[jimmycrackcornbutidontcare]

I'd move her.
You can't trust them to tell you what sort of day she had.
They didn't tell you she hadn't spoken a word in 2 weeks when you askask how she was every day.
Your DD sounds miserable there.
It sounds as though the nursery don't really care that she is miserable.
She wants to move so that should not affect her adversely.
I would put in a complaint once she is no longer going there.

[HSMMaCM]

Move her. Better nursery or a quieter cm environment.

[Itscurtainsforyou]

I would put it all in writing to the manager and send a copy to head office if its a chain of nurseries.

There is no way all this information should have been withheld for so long.

Do you know of anyone who can recommend another nursery?

[insancerre]

Take her out
They sound very unprofessional
Not all nurseries are that rubbish
Write a letter of complaint to the manager when you leave
The 2nd Jan thing is completely unreasonable
They are providing a service. Of they wanted to have longer off over Xmas why can't they just close the nursery but let their customers be aware so they can make other arrangements
I manage a nursery and we are hoping to go home early Xmas eve and new year eve but we will be asking politely and offering another session instead. But we realise that we may have to stay till close if our parents need us to. The difference is that we have fantastic relationships with our parents that isutually respectful
On a more serious note any change in a child's behaviour needs investigating as it could be an indicator of abuse so the kwypetson is failing your dd by not raising these issues sooner. Not that I'm saying that your dd is being abused but basic safeguarding training tells us we need to recognise the signs and act accordingly
Your dds behavior has changed because she is unhappy.
Start looking for a new nursery asap. It will do her no harm whatsoever to move nurseries and will possibly be the best decision you will ever make for her.

[beepbeep]

we moved my DS for only a few months before starting pre-school and were really unsure about doing it (making him unsettled etc etc), but I think they are much more adaptable than we think they are, it was the best decision we made - he loved his new nursery and they were brilliant - it wasn't until we moved that we realised how poor the other nursery had been.

[Vikingbiker]

Look in to childminders in a home setting. She looks like she needs something less overwhelming and calmer and more caring.

[AlexD72]

I'm a nursery nurse with 25 years experience of working in nurseries. I was a Manager for 5 of these years. I have a 4 year old.
My concerns would be that the "key worker" is telling you utter lies when you pick up.
Your child does not feel "at home" at this nursery. I know this because she is not eating and is withdrawn. If a your child does not eat at home your first thought should be "What's wrong?" You wouldn't let it continue.
And what is "forced" into group play?
The care is just not there because if it was they would have spoken to you earlier.
The fact they are telling you not to take her in but expect you to pay is disgusting. And I'm sure they cannot do this.
My gut instinct on Reading your post is to take her out. But please write a letter of complaint detailing why and please send a copy to Ofsted. I just cannot see why you would not say sooner id a little one was not eating.
If this happened at my last nursery we would have offered the child other food so they had eaten and were happy. Then we would have discussed this with the parent picking up and asked what would be best to give the child.
It is not a good nursery.