This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
Nursery induction(11 Posts)
Took my 13mo for her second induction at nursery a few days ago.
First time she played for an hour and I stayed with her, this time she was left for an hour.
I was feeling really positive and thinking she would enjoy it because she is very sociable and had just started walking, but she hated it
I came back to a very upset little girl and now I'm dreading Monday where she has to go back! Her key worker was honest and said she had been crying virtually the whole hour.
She's doing 3 days a week.
Can people share their experiences of their LO's starting nursery?
How long did it take them to settle?
The induction period needs to be a lot longer than this. It should be a gradual process whereby your child gets used to being with her new key worker and you slowly hand over the care of your child during this time. The first time, when you were there would be no problem as she felt secure with your presence. It's not really surprising that she cried for an hour the second time when you left her. Most nurseries do not seem to understand the need for a longer period for 'settling in'. Perhaps you could arrange for a close relative who your child is already comfortable with such as a grandma to continue a more gradual period of leaving her. Many parents of course just leave the child anyway and after a few weeks of crying they do settle but the more gradual separation is much kinder.
Thanks for getting back to me.
I did think it was very sudden, and I am very anxious about how she will cope now. She will be having a short day on Monday and thursday so there's a little bit of gradual retreat. Is a week of this sort of gradual build up still on the short side though?
Unfortunatley we don't have any family within a 3 hour drive, although they do visit once a monthish.
Did you tend to stay and play for a little and then sneak away, or just say a quick goodbye and leave straight away?
Really want to minimise upset, although I do understand it will take a few weeks and a few tears.
I work with 3 and 4 year olds and our induction process is longer than that! We do 2 x 2 hour sessions in the first week, then 3 x 3 hour sessions in the second week. Parents/carer's make the decision as to whether they stay with their child for part, all or none of each session. If a child is still unsettled after those sessions, then we discuss it with the parents and do more short sessions if they want to.
Please don't ever just sneak away. Always say goodbye and tell your dd that you will be back soon. Even though she's little, she needs to gradually get used to the idea that although you are going, you are always going to come back.
Oops - just noticed a rogue apostrophe in my previous post too!
Have you read this thread about settling in at nursery?
It's always been 3 days when mine have started at nursery/childminder - one hour with you there, one where you stay for a bit then leave them for an hour, one where they stay for a couple of hours. I don't think dragging it out much longer helps, especially with very young children who have little concept of time passing.
13 months is a tough age because they are old enough to have separation anxiety but too young to understand what is going on. I would always say goodbye and let her know you are going - sneaking out doesn't minimise upset, it just stops you seeing it iyswim!
Right, no sneaking out! Hope Monday goes slightly better!
littlefish, I've just had a little read, some helpful points so thank you.
We did 4 taster sessions. The first 2 I stayed and the second 2 I left after 15-30 mins. To be honest, all 4 settling in sessions were awful. DS cried, wouldn't interact with the other children and I felt awful for him.
But, because I couldn't get any more time off work he had to go for the full day twice a week after that....and he was absolutely fine. We have a few tears at drop off but he is very happy -once I've left. I think in our case, me being there made it harder for him.
Good luck! I'm sure it's far harder for us than them.
Estella that makes me feel a little better!
I felt so guilty about her crying, me and dp had skipped off for a coffee
feeling freedom for the first time in over a year and returned to her crying her eyes out
Fingers crossed for Monday!