27month old not settling in

(10 Posts)
wafflingworrier Wed 06-Nov-13 14:59:41

i am a SAHM, my daughter is 27 months old, I also have a 7 month old daughter. I was diagnosed with PND a few months back and one of the ways I have found to cope has been to put my eldest daughter into nursery for one full day a week. she's gone there 7 times now, but each time she has been more and more upset about going and cried when approaching the building, cried when I left her there, and anxiously kept saying "mummy come back?"
ive tried explaining yes, I will always come back. and making it positive "ooh youre such a BIG girl, aren't you lucky? aren't you going to have fun at nursery" etc. and also talking about it during the week too rather than throwing it on her on the day.
however, at nursery she has also been crying more and more, and whilst when I first picked her up she;d run up to me happily chatting about all she'd got up to, she now looks really withdrawn and doesn't want to talk about it.
also, she's at the same time got really clingy at home (eg before, she;d happily go into another room to play on her own for 5 mins, whereas now she will stand next to me all the time nad say "mummy come mummy come play now"

sooo, basically, does anyone out there have any experience working in nurseries/with their own children?
-is this just a phase?
-is it worth her going through to learn to be more independent? or am I being unreasonable to expect her to do this when she doesn't "have to" as I don't go to work?
-will the result of keeping her in be more negative in the long run (eg fear of institutions) or will it help her?

I must add that the nursery are great, very supportive, they know the issues but don't seem worried, they have said its just a phase and she'll grow out of it and that it may be better to have her at nursery for MORE days as then she'll be more settled. but, whilst they are lovely, they have obvious vester interests.

any help greatly appreciated. also, I realise how lucky I am to even have a choice, i don't want to offend anyone who has to go back to work

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wafflingworrier Wed 06-Nov-13 15:01:19

sorry meant to say vested interests

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firstpost Thu 07-Nov-13 13:58:38

I was in a similar situation, sahm and 2 yr old not settling at all. It was heartbreaking and I felt guilty because he didn't 'need' to be there.

I too got the advice to send him more often and instead of longer days we did 3 x 3 hr afternoon sessions. This suited him much better as he had been with me all morning and thrived with the shorter session.

Take any misplaced guilt out of the equation, nursery is a positive experience once you're through this hard bit smile mixing with other little ones and doing messy play etc.

Good luck

wafflingworrier Thu 07-Nov-13 19:22:34

thanks, it's good to know someone else has been through it.

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havingastress Thu 07-Nov-13 19:26:00

I would do more often but for less hours if you can. Once a week isn't enough for her to feel secure there. OR if you can afford it, pay for two days, but just do say 10-4 each day (rather than 8-6 for eg)

At nearly 3 (which 27months is!!!) it's a hard age, they're going to miss mum!

StrawberryMojito Thu 07-Nov-13 19:37:03

Totally agree with the other advice, more regular but shorter sessions maybe worth a try.

wafflingworrier Fri 08-Nov-13 18:58:15

thanks for the advice, I took her to the dr today as she has an ear infection so that has been a contributing factor too, I only realised last night when she talked about her ear hurting...looking back she may have had the start of it on Monday at nursery, so am feeling more positive.

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wafflingworrier Fri 08-Nov-13 18:59:21

I mean obv negative that she's poorly, but positive that her withdrawn and clingy behaviour makes more sense now! poor lass

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SheldonLovesAmy Wed 27-Nov-13 21:52:31

I would go for less hours and more days too - so two mornings as opposed to one full day. Same money as it's two sessions but she gets more familiarity with nursery.

ReetPetit Fri 29-Nov-13 12:54:57

a couple of mornings would work better, I agree. Seeing you going off with the baby must be hard for her, and as it's only 1 day a week (and a long day for a young child) it must feel like abandonment (although it's not I know!)

ask the nursery if you change to 2 mornings or afternoons.

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