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Got a call from nursery in the morning and asked to take my son back home

(20 Posts)
SophiaMan Fri 11-Oct-13 14:19:28

I sent my son to the nursery at 9:00am. He seemed happy all the way there. Then got a phonecall from the nursery at nearly 10am and said that DS was crying at the corner. He got running nose and they worried it might infect other children. DS could barely speak any English, so I could imagine how poor he was there. But he was all the way very well from last night and I haven't seen any sign of getting cold. And he was also happy before he went to the nursery. There must be sth which upset him, otherwise, he won't be crying all the time. I can understand that it is difficult for the teacher to communicate with my son, as he doesn't understand much English. But there must be a way of doing it. They can't just call the parents and ask the parents to take the child away whenever they meet any difficulty to comfort the child.

I just feel very disappointed about the nursery. Anyone meets similar situation? What can I speak to the nursery about it? I would like to mention the issue to the nursery teachers next week but don't know if I am unreasonable to think this way.

Aeroaddict Fri 11-Oct-13 14:24:44

Is this the first time he's been to the nursey, or has he been going for a while? Has he been upset before? It must be difficult for him if he can't communicate with the people who are looking after him. It is difficult to know if you are being unreasonable without knowing more about the situation.

enderwoman Fri 11-Oct-13 14:24:53

How old is he? It is normal for nurseries to suggest that ill children should go home and it is possible for children to become ill suddenly.

Is he ok now and how long has he been to nursery? If he has just started then I would expect some tears even if the child didn't have language problems.

Worriedthistimearound Fri 11-Oct-13 14:28:37

How old is your son? Young children pick up a new language very quickly but it would help if you spoke to him in English at home as well as your native tongue to hasten the process.
He is probably upset because he is frustrated at not being understood and not understanding his peers/teachers. Bless him.
What have the nursery got in place to help him? Are they using picture clues and a policy of simple language to aid his understanding. Something like this would really help.

The other option may be to get in touch with the EAL team at your local LEA. They may be able to help with ideas or even a visit depending on when he is due to start school.

SophiaMan Fri 11-Oct-13 14:31:18

It is nice to see two replies immediately. He is 3 and a half. He has been to the nursery for one month and does enjoy going there. Three weeks ago, we got a phonecall from the nursery, but that was in the mid day. DS couldn't stop crying. And I can understand it as he might feel tired and lonely. But this time, he was just there for less than one hour. And after DH took him away from the nursery, I immediately booked him an appointment to see a doctor. The doctor checked him and said he was fine.

nicename Fri 11-Oct-13 14:32:11

If a child is unwell or crying and can't be comforted then yes, they will call for the parents. A nursery can't have a member of staff basically neglecting their other children for one child who is upset/sick.

A lot of children who start nursery at 2 don't have great communication skills even if they are native speakers. Staff are usually experts at mime!

It's probably more the fact that he was crying rather than a runny nose (although maybe crying made his nose run). If a child is upset, especially if they can't communicate all that well, and they are sitting crying 'mummy, mama, maman...' then the staff need to make the call if they can hang onto a child or ask for someone to collect them.

Has he been there long - does he have basic English? Mummy, daddy, drink, eat, play, bad, good... It is difficult for staff if a child has communication delay (for whatever reason).

I'd rather someone called me if DS was sitting crying and wouldn't be calmed than wait until pickup. I'm sure they do this with other children too.

I hope he's feeling better. There are so many bugs doing the rounds at the moment.

Morgause Fri 11-Oct-13 14:34:35

I'd have been furious if either of my DCs were crying inconsolably and the nursery hadn't called me.

nicename Fri 11-Oct-13 14:35:40

Cross posted there. What does he tell you? Does he like it there? Are there any other children/staff/parents who speak the same language as him?

Where I work there's a nursery attached and because of where we are, I'd say the majority are not native English speakers.

Crying/wailing isn't usually down to communication - a cuddle will calm a sad or upset child - it's usually a child who isn't ready to go to nursery (granted that's usually the 2 year olds) or maybe one with a new baby at home or mum has just gone back to work and there are some separation issues. Or a sickening child (ie one who is coming down with something).

enderwoman Fri 11-Oct-13 14:44:07

Many nurseries will use picture cue cards or actions (eg Makaton) with children who have speech and language issues. It would be useful if the school could teach you important actions to key words like yes, no, toilet etc to make your sons life at nursery easier.

Maybe your son was having a bad day? To be honest I think that 1 hour is a long time to be upset and maybe your son was just having a bad day? My children are at full time school but definitely feel tired around 4-6 weeks after school starts and they are looking forward to half term.

Can your son talk about nursery with you? He is very brave to be going to nursery to learn a different language. If your culture is also very different then nursery must seem doubly strange.

SophiaMan Fri 11-Oct-13 14:45:37

Worriedthistimearound , Thanks for your suggestion, very nice. The nursery teachers seem having no clue about how to communicate with a kid who barely speaks any English. DS is the only foreign kid there, maybe they rarely meet cases like this before. He is catching up with some English at the moment, but still couldn't speak it out.

Thanks others post. Yeah, actually it's better for the nursery to call rather than leave it till the afternoon. But I couldn't stop my tears this morning after I heard my son just crying there without speaking a little word with me or any teacher. It made my heart broken

nicename Fri 11-Oct-13 14:57:03

Did they offer to put him on the phone to you?

He probably understands more than he speaks so was probably nodding to 'do you feel poorly?' and 'shall we call mummy?'.

I would jot down some words for the staff - basics like tummy, sore, sick, sad....

I hear wailing quite a bit (my office is right above the back of the nursery) and it is perfectly normal. Sometimes there is just no reason - a child may be tired, bored or just want to go home, and it can quite upset the rest of the class if one gets upset. Imagine a class of 30 crying toddlers!

afromom Fri 11-Oct-13 15:10:47

It sounds like he is struggling a bit and the nursery could do with some support to help him settle and begin to get to grips with some basic phrases in English. It would probably be worth asking to speak with his key worker to find out if there is anyway you can work together to help him to pick up sobs English. A useful approach is to use the Total Communication Model (often used with children with little or no language/SEN). This approach uses a mixture of picture prompts, objects as prompts and makaton signing. It helps the children to make sure that their basic needs are met and to enable them to understand the routine in the nursery. If you google it it will bring up more information, but the setting should have access to support from the county council to adopt this model. It will be helpful for all of the children, not just you DS.

Mintyy Fri 11-Oct-13 15:16:00

I really think the nursery should have tried to comfort him for longer than an hour. Young children do get upset at nursery but unfortunately it isn't often terribly convenient for the parents to just drop everything to go and collect them.

birdybear Fri 11-Oct-13 15:17:30

is there a reason he doesn't speak any English, i mean have you just arrived here? before i get a flaming, i mean i think it is not fair for a child who you know is going to go to an English speaking nursery not to teach him any English at home .

SophiaMan Fri 11-Oct-13 15:19:26

nicename, My son seems OK there. He rarely talks about nursery when at home, but he likes going there every morning and he never said I would rather staying at home. He likes hanging around with kids and giggling all the time. That's why I thought he must be upset by sth else this morning, otherwise, he won't be crying all the time. I phoned the nursery again after my husband was on his way to pick my son up from the nursery and asked for my son to speak to me. They didn't bother to offer that unless I asked for, I think.

enderwoman, yes, I hope the fact was that he just didn't want to stay there rather than that he was upset by sth else. Anyway, I hope he can catch up the English ASAP, I can imagine it must be very hard for him to stay in a totally different environment. Fingers crossed

Morgause Fri 11-Oct-13 15:20:29

How can the staff communicate if the child can't understand them or they him? If he could tell them why he's upset then they may be able to help but he can't. Until his English is better this is likely to happen again, I'm afraid.

A staff member cannot stay for a entire hour or longer with just one crying child, knowing that she has no idea what's the matter with him.

nicename Fri 11-Oct-13 15:34:44

Can you ask him about nursery? Also ask the staff what he likes to do - usually they take photos and ought to be writing up little reports and reviews on the children.

The language shouldn't really be a huge thing - kids do catch up incredibly quickly, and often understand a lot more than you give them credit for.

DSs school had a high % of EAL kids - you would have some every year who would be enrolled in the school with little/no English. It is amazing how quickly they adapt although, there was often issues with aggressive/violent behaviour as a child who cannot communicate will act out in frustration.

Your little one sounds like many nursery children to be honest. He's not been there long and its usually week 2 when happy kids become screamers - no idea why, but I assume once the novelty has worn off, they realise that home is rather nice as all their toys and mummy are there!

Speak to the staff. Teach them basic words and ask them what words you need to teach your child as a matter of urgency - so if he cant say 'I want the toilet' can you imagine how frustrating it is if he is telling them that and they are saying 'you want teddy? Drink? Book?'.

If you aren't happy that they can help your child with his language and that he is getting upset, consider looking around for other nurseries, possibly with other children/staff from your home country. It wont effect his English acquisition but will help him when he needs it.

I have to go and get my DS now, but please don't feel upset. They all cry at some point - it is heartbreaking but he wouldn't have been left in a cold dark corner alone. A member of staff probably gave him a cuddle, talked to him and tried to give him a toy or snack.

SophiaMan Mon 14-Oct-13 13:55:15

Thanks all the above replies, especially the suggestion from nicename, thank you very much indeed. I asked my son about the nursery at weekend whenever he was in a good mood,smile, but he didn't mention anything about it. He just said I missed daddy, that's why I started to crysmile. Anyway, I do need to have a word with the teacher tomorrow and see what we can do to help DS settle down ASAP.

The nursery is a nursery attached to a primary school, there is no report or review about kids' behavior there and we have no idea who is the key worker there. Personally, I don't think the nursery is an outstanding one, but it is cheap and DS
seems happy there, so I decide to go on sending him there. Just wait and see

The thing I worry about most is that DS was not ill that day and there must be sth else upsetting him, so he started crying, but the teachers seemed not notice that at all. Their explanations were that he felt ill, so he started to cry. I don't expect a teacher to pay 100% attention to DS, which is obviously impossible in a big group with over 20 kids, but in case sth happening, they could easily comfort the kid who was upset. Is it OK if I bring some candies there and asked if they could give candies to these kids when they were upset and tried to divert their attention, so that they could soon cheer up? I don't really think it is necessary to understand why a kid got upset, as long as the teachers can soon make the kid smile, that's enough, right?

Littlefish Mon 14-Oct-13 22:53:28

You won't be allowed to give them sweets for your ds or the other children to have.

I suggest you ask for a meeting with the nursery manager to talk about your concerns about your ds.

mummytime Mon 14-Oct-13 23:07:18

Are you in the UK? How many staff are there for 20 children?

If it is a nursery attached to a school, then they should have contacted the LA for support to help a non-English speaking child integrate. So do ask them what steps they are taking.

The school itself may well have an EAL teacher, who might be able to give the nursery tips and ideas. It really isn't good enough for them to not be working with him on his English.

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