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obsessing about overheard comment - i think this is serious

(32 Posts)
vitomum Wed 24-May-06 19:46:34

would really appreciate your thoughts on this. this is what happened. i was picking ds up from the nursery and let myself in through the security door (only entrance in / out and parents type in a 4 digit code to access). there was a man obviously on his way out as i went in and he was with one of the nursery girls. Just behind them was the manager. A few moments later i heard the manager say to the girl "how did that man get in?" !!!! I went and got ds but was distracted by the fact that he had an infected ear and got wrapped up in phoning the doctor etc. Now i am back home i am utterly obsessed. That comment suggests to me that he was not a parent and shouldn't have been there. I think he probably got access because parents often hold the door open for each other, and probably presume anyone at the door is a parent (I have already suggested a sign asking parents not to do this as what then is the point of a security entry system). Anyway, i have decided i am going to speak to the manager tomorrow, tell her what i overheard and ask what course of action they are taking. What do you think i should exepct? i was thinking that if she has no explaination for who he was and why he was there then it should be reported to the police (surely that is predatory behaviour??) i also think they should take immediate steps to enhance security. I kind of hope i am over-reacting but suspect i am not. I can feel my blood running cold at the thought of someone dodgy in the vicinity of ds and don't want to leave him there tomorrow. any comments appreciated

bakedpotato Wed 24-May-06 19:54:21

Not overreacting
You deserve an explanation
Whoever he was (and maybe he was trying to deliver something and parents mistakenly waved him through) the security stinks
Alternative doesn't bear thinking about
If you're not satisfied by the answer you're given, I'd take it further... council/police

morningpaper Wed 24-May-06 19:55:40

A man got into our nursery when he shouldn't have, and all the parents had letters and posters were put up everywhere informing people to be more careful. I would definitely ask.

HappyMumof2 Wed 24-May-06 19:56:51

Message withdrawn

Pennies Wed 24-May-06 19:56:54

I think you may be jumping to conclusions that something sinister is afoot here - it could have been the milkman and the manager might not have heard him ring the bell and was wondering how he got in or something along those lines.

It's clearly worrying you a great deal so I suggest you talk to them anyway and if their explanation does not set your mind at rest then raise your concerns.

HTH.

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat Wed 24-May-06 19:58:20

hopefully it's the case that he was there with legit reason - ie delivery like bakedpotato suggested but shouldn;t have got through iyswim. I don;t think you're over-reacting to ask. If it was - perish the thought - someone without a legit reason then yes, I thin there is good grounds to report it to the police - hopefully the nursery will do this.

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat Wed 24-May-06 19:59:07

my immediate thought was boyfriend too

HappyMumof2 Wed 24-May-06 20:00:29

Message withdrawn

liath Wed 24-May-06 20:02:01

TBH my blood would run cold too. There may be a perfectly reasonable explanation but I think you're doing the right thing to bring it up tomorrow.

It's the one thing that freaks me out about leaving dd at nursery - the obsessive "what if something happens & I'm not there" thought that tends to come when I'm trying to get to sleep or if something about Dunblane comes on the TV.

vitomum Wed 24-May-06 20:04:55

thanks everyone. yes you are rights that there could be legit reasons (i have been totally focussing on the worst case scenario). if not however i think i would definitely want a response like your nursery mp. This is also making me question that whole security system and i am interested that you think the security is poor bp. i've no referance point so can;t really assess what a good system should entail. there are two coded doors in and out but the code has been the same since ds has been there (a year) and parents frequently hold the door open for people.

bubble99 Wed 24-May-06 20:08:13

Are you saying that the security door is the one and only door into the nursery? I've seen nurseries with an outer coded security door which will allow access for parents into a lobby but then there is a further door which needs to be answered by a staff member.

TBH, I'd bee V worried about there only being one door into the nursery which does not need to be answered by one of the staff.

bubble99 Wed 24-May-06 20:08:40

Are you saying that the security door is the one and only door into the nursery? I've seen nurseries with an outer coded security door which will allow access for parents into a lobby but then there is a further door which needs to be answered by a staff member.

TBH, I'd bee V worried about there only being one door into the nursery which does not need to be answered by one of the staff.

bubble99 Wed 24-May-06 20:08:46

Are you saying that the security door is the one and only door into the nursery? I've seen nurseries with an outer coded security door which will allow access for parents into a lobby but then there is a further door which needs to be answered by a staff member.

TBH, I'd bee V worried about there only being one door into the nursery which does not need to be answered by one of the staff.

bubble99 Wed 24-May-06 20:09:30

vitomum Wed 24-May-06 20:13:13

bubble there are actually 2 coded entry doors (one at the front and one at the back) but once you are through them you are into the actual nursery. as long as you have the code (or someone holds the door for you) you are in amongst the kids. The staff will only answer if you ring the bell. So do you think this is inadequate? Am i right in thinking you have a nursery??

bubble99 Wed 24-May-06 20:21:48

Mmmmm. I'm not happy with this as security codes are only as secure as the people who know them. ie. If mum or dad can't pick up they may tell X, Y or Z the code instead of asking them to ring the doorbell and waiting for a staff member to open. Also, if the door is unmanned by a member of staff anyone can slip in behind and parents may assume he/she is an unknown other parent, IYSWIM.

At our nursery we are very low tech and have a door with a doorbell. No one can get into the nursery unless the doorbell is answered by a member of staff and at pickup times we have a staff member who 'mans the door'.

Your nursery would need to make sure that they had enough staff on duty to enable someone to be free to answer the door, of course. But I think it is a lot safer.

Yes, nursery owner, BTW.

spinach Wed 24-May-06 20:29:05

i wouldnt be happy with the security arrangements either. The nursery my dd attends is exactly as bubble describes hers. Its a small nursery and all the staff know each parent. If someone else is picking up the child they get quizzed and parents get phoned if the nursery didnt know the person picking up. I cant get through the door without meeting a member of staff first and even then, we are not alowed to just walk in and take our children, they are passed to us and the rest of the children remain at one end of the nursey until their parents arrive. I wouldnt be happy with an unmanned door.

vitomum Wed 24-May-06 20:30:44

that's interesting bubble, many thanks. I have often thought that people are more concerned with being polite tahn they are with safety - hence the door holding, not questioning people etc. And yes i think parents do give out the security number to friends, childminders, grandparents ettc. This is in essence putting the responsibility for security onto parents which i am now convinced is not right. There has been talk about cctv etc but no action yet. I will definitely be pressing for more security now. I agree that a real person at the door is going to be more effective than various gadgets.

Mercy Wed 24-May-06 20:35:19

I assume by 'nursery girl' you mean an adult worker not a child?

A child at nursery would not be allowed out of the building without its parent/carer.

What did the manager do, apart from making this comment. If s/he was genuinely concerned they would have stopped the man and 'girl' surely?

bubble99 Wed 24-May-06 20:35:54

vitomum. I would ask your nursery to get rid of the security code keypad and replace it with a doorbell, sharpish. Yes, parents may have to wait for a staff member to open the door but I doubt many would mind, especially if the nursery funds an extra staff member to be on duty to answer the bell. I cook at our nursery and the kitchen is next to the front door, so it's often me that answers it. In any case, our manager is 'supernumerary' and will usually answer, if I can't due to hands being covered in flour etc.

Mercy Wed 24-May-06 20:38:55

yes, bubble99 is right. Our nursery/reception building has a doorbell; all unfamiliar faces have to account for themselves, including occasional visiting grandparents etc

socks3 Wed 24-May-06 20:45:18

I would mention it. It may be innocent, but what if it isn't......................

EvesMama Wed 24-May-06 20:50:13

we have to knock..HARD to pick dd up unless its officially home time and then the teacher stands at door to see evryone coming in asking who they are if she doesnt recognise them and then other teacher shouts children to come and get ready.
am very happy with this system not youve brought this terrible incidient up!
hope you get to the bottom of it and get sorted!

vitomum Wed 24-May-06 20:50:20

yes mercy, sorry that was crap terminology on my part - it was one of the nursery staff. that comment was literally all i heard - that was because i was rushing in. i would hope that there would have at least been a bit of a kerfuffle if something untoward had happened. but then i don;t want to underestimate people's ability to underestimate things. In fairness to the nursery they have always listened properly on the couple of occassions i've raised concerns and taking convincing action to address them which is what i need to happen again. I don't know how they will respond to the doorbell suggesstion bubble. The door is nearest to the tweenie room so the burden of answering it will fall to them. the office is close to. It would probably need extra staff but then surely this should be a priority!

bubble99 Wed 24-May-06 21:03:14

Too bloody right it should be a priority, vitomum! It doesn't even need to be a trained extra staff member, just another person who either knows the parents or can free up someone who does. In any case, the nursery will 'get their money's worth' from that extra person over the course of the shift, I'm sure.

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