One year old not settling into nursery- distressing!

[Nel80]

Hi

I'm having a really difficult time with trying to settle my 1 year old at nursery.

I'm due to go back to work next week (just for 4 weeks as I'm pregnant & will be back on mat leave). I was planning on sending my 1 year old to nursery for 2 full days a week. So far he has been a very social, happy & outgoing baby. He loves to go out, gets bored staying in, I take him to playgroups regularly, he has play dates, I've left him with grandparents & his dad so has been without me.

I thought he would love nursery. We had our first settling in session the other week which was just for 1 hour and I was in the room, he behaved the way I expected him too, which was happy, excited, playing with the kids, playing with the toys.

The next settling in session I left him for 2 hours. He cried, was up & down the whole time, didn't play, just wanted to be held by one of the girls, didn't eat. I was very surprised to hear this, he started to get a rotten cold that day so I put it down to him being ill. I cancelled his settling in sessions for that week & waited until he was better to start them again and I delayed starting work until next week.

So last week he had 2 sessions again, the first one he cried, was up & down, played for a minute & just followed his key worker around. Didn't eat again.

The next day he was worse, crying, no play, just kept his head on the girls shoulders, all 3 of them. Didn't eat. In fact when I went to pick him up he was just sat on the chair crying & screaming whilst they were all eating.

He had never been clingy, never sit still, never just sits on you. Anyway since the last session he has been so upset at home, real clingy, won't go to anyone at all where before he went to strangers happily, he won't even go to his grandparents who he sees every other day! Just cries. I took him to playgroup & he cried and was clingy.

He has totally changed and it has to be down to nursery. He is meant to be having 2 more settling in sessions next week then starting properly Wed for 2 full days. Also his key worker is off for one of his days of settling in.

This is really heartbreaking for me & my husband to see him like this. Even though I'll be back on mat leave soon I was planning on sending him 2 half days still as I thought it would be good for him, especially as I will be less flexible to take him out once next baby arrives & a break for me.

The nursery is the best one in our town, expensive, low staff turnover etc.

I just don't know what to do, I know it takes time for them to settle, but the affect its having on him outside of nursery is so upsetting. Now I don't know if I'm doing the right thing sending him.

Any advice would be much appreciated!

[MrsMushroom]

Well I assume you have to go back to work so just try to think of it as a temporary thing....and as for him going there for two half days after the baby arrives, it sounds like it won't be goo for him and why send him if you don't need to?

At 1 he's still a baby....you can't help the upcoming 4 weeks...it has to be done...but if I were you, I'd forget about sending him on the 2 half days.

You'll manage to get about just fine once the new baby is a month or so.

[LittleChimneyDroppings]

I'd get through the 4 weeks and then keep him at home. Can't you get family to care for him for the next month. Having 2 little ones at home isn't that bad, especially once you get into some sort of routine.

[Nel80]

Thanks guys. I've decided to not send him, I'm going to start my mat leave sooner instead. I'm in a position where I don't have to leave him just yet so why go through the trauma now, ill wait until he is older.

[MrsMushroom]

Oh good. I'm glad you can start your leave earlier too. It's not worth the stress is it for a couple of weeks.

He'll be a different little boy in another year...he sounds sociable though...just little.

[moogy1a]

I hope he had someone with him when he was sat in a chair screaming when everyone else was eating. Otherwise I'd assume he was being ignored a lot and no wonder he didn't like the place,
have you looked at childminders for when you next need care? Far more of a family / one on one care.