Bite on the face :(

[HillyandHally]

My DD has just started nursery two weeks ago part time.

Today she was bitten on the face by another child.

I'm not sure how I feel about it (apart from being upset at her being hurt naturally) and what, if anything, I should do?

How common is this kind of thing? My rational head thinks that things like this are bound to happen, but on the flip side I feel very worried about it and guilty.

I don't have any experience of nurseries and just wanted to get some thoughts about how "bad" this is, or if it just comes with the territory?

Should I have a chat with the nursery manager and if so how do I approach it and what kind of things should I say - apart from don't let my baby get hurt again!

It is a lovely nursery, but obviously she's not been there long so I can't rationalise it as a "one off" IYSWIM?

TIA

[FamiliesShareGerms]

Sadly, biting goes with the territory for young children. I remember the first time DS came home with bite marks on his arm - I was distraught! Phone nursery tomorrow morning if the manager or room leader isn't there when you drop off. Tell them you understand that these things happen, but you want to know how they intend to tackle this issue with the child in question and his / her parents. They should have a good reply which makes you feel reassured. Don't be across to push them on this and to ask for a further discussion if needed, but bear in mind they might not tell you very much about the other child.

Hope you get it sorted

[LakeFlyPie]

The same thing happened to DS1 when he had just turned 2yo (had been at the nursery about 8 mos).
It was a really nasty bite which broke the skin on his cheek and took quite a long time for the mark to heal.
It was awful at the time and I can remember feeling terrible that I hadn't been there to protect him in a bit of a PFB way

The nursery manager had been standing behind the children when it happened, but these things happen so quickly that there wasn't really anything she could do.

You could ask nursery what their policy is for dealing with biting / aggression; they should have one.

On the plus side, because the bite was on his cheek DS forgot about it very quickly whereas if the bite had been on his arm he would have milked it for ages

Hope your DD gets over it quickly and isn't nervous about nursery.

[cookielove]

Very common (i work in nursery) especially at toddler age as their emotions are continually bubbling away and some of them can be very limited in their language, this leads to biting as children are learning to express themselves.

Most likely the biter is being shadowed if they have been biting for a while, the child is most likely monitored and removed/distracted from situation where biting may happen. Staff will look for patterns in the child's behaviour and monitor their play to make sure they avoid triggers that lead to biting.

If it was a one off bit, first time offence for the biter, i imagine they will just monitor the situation and imput ^^ that stuff if the child continues to bite.

[Piffpaffpommelhorse]

Yes, speak to the manager or room supervisor about what they are doing to prevent it. Did they not speak to you about it when you picked her up? My DD got bitten a couple of times and both times they spoke to me at pick up and explained what they were doing to address it. Although I was unhappy that she had been bitten, I understood that it happens and was satisfied with their action plan for dealing with th behaviour. Plus I was secretly glad it was not DD that was doing the biting!

Please don't feel guilty about it - its not your fault, some children are just buyers. They key thing is to have confidence about how the nursery are dealing with it, and speak up if you're not happy.

[HillyandHally]

Thank you Families for your suggestions on what to ask them.

I didn't know what to say when they told me. I just kept asking if she was ok and did she cry , which of course she did!

[Piffpaffpommelhorse]

Ps what Cookielove said in her middle para is exactly the approach taken at 'my' nursery did when there was a biter in DDs room.

[Piffpaffpommelhorse]

Pps - biters, not buyers. iPad keyboard #fail.

[HillyandHally]

X post - slow typing!

I rang the nursery as I was held up at work (another thing I'm feeling very guilty about) to check if she was ok and the nursery manager told me on the phone. She just said she was sorry but not much else.

At pick up the nursery manager wasn't there so I spoke to one of the girls who gave me an accident form to sign. It's difficult because I don't know them all very well yet and keep seeing different people at drop off/pick up.

Another child was giving DD a cuddle apparently and then bit her - so I would hope that it wasn't something the other child was doing a lot or I guess they wouldn't have let them get so close?

[Wolfiefan]

You need to record this incident in case you have further issues. I would want to know what led up to the incident and how it was dealt with at the time. How old is your LO? Could it be a (very rubbish) attempt at kissing or is it an older child deliberately causing hurt?
Poor LO and poor you.

[HillyandHally]

YY Lake about feeling I wasn't there to protect her. When we got home I was all for giving up work and never letting anyone else look after her again!!

[MoaningMingeWhingesAgain]

Both of my DCs have bitten each other, and one of them bit me really hard on the thigh so I bruised for days . IMHO they are not always preventable, even if you look after them yourself fulltime But, it is usually only a brief phase that they grow out of pretty quickly.

[HillyandHally]

Thanks Wolfie. They're only babies, DD is 16mo so I reckon it was probably an overenthusiastic kiss?

DD has been known to do that to me and her Dad as well so seems the most likely explanation.

I will definately have a chat when she's next in and just find out what they are/will be doing about it. It's just a shame because it's only her fourth full day there, she seems fairly unscathed though.

[HillyandHally]

Moaning I have been saying just that to myself, if she had siblings it could easily happen as well so it's good to get a bit of perspective.

[cookielove]

HillyandHally
I think in a nursery situation it is important to encourage and promote healthy positive interactions between the children, so regardless if the child has been known to bite in the past i will still encourage cuddles, and being kind as how else will the child learn to be nice (and not bite) if they never "do" the preferred behaviour and be praised for it.

But saying that all interactions needs to be monitored and staff need to be watchful to make sure that most of the incidences (biting/hitting/pinching) are stopped before they happen. This can be really hard to prevent. If it does occur the staff will i am sure deal with it appropriately.

[Babylon1]

I think this is pretty common tbh

Dd1 was bitten on her cheek too at nursery. What made it worse was the child who bit her was the son of a member of staff

BUT I spoke with the manager and remained calm and we came to an agreement for future possible incidents which I was happy with.

It all came to a natural conclusion when two weeks later DD1 bit the same child on his face

AFAIK neither of them munched another child again

[FamiliesShareGerms]

Re accident forms - I get a bit arsey about signing forms if the incident hasn't been explained to me properly. Eg if the person who witnessed what happened isn't there at pick up and the person giving me the form to sign can't answer my questions about it. I might sign it but annotate where I still have questions, or refuse to sign until I have had a satisfactory discussion.

Yes, siblings or close family could bite each other too, it just seems harder when it's a stranger and so soon into starting nursery. Hope DD is OK tomorrow

[cookielove]

Babylon - why is it worse what it was a staff members son?

And you shouldn't of been informed who it was, however i assume your child was vocal enough to tell you!!

[HillyandHally]

Cookie that makes sense about promoting interaction I hadn't really thought about it that way. Agreed, it must be really hard to stop things like this happening, DD has fallen over countless times when I have been stood right there and not been quick enough!

Babylon thanks, one of my colleagues was telling me how she went mad when her DD was bit in nursery one week and then the next week was told her DD had bit another child and was very about it all!

families I do feel like I should have asked/said more at the time and am kicking myself now! I think you're right if she had been there longer and nothing else had happened it would be easier to rationalise it as a "one off".

Thank you all so much