Advice/hand holding please! :(

(6 Posts)
Becaroooo Wed 02-Nov-11 14:44:37

Bit of background: ds2 (was 3 in sept) was due to start 2 mornings per week at a local day nursery on 1st Sept. To say it did not go well is a bit of an understatement! By the 3rd session (he missed 1 due to having a temp of 39.4) he was so distressed/hysterical when I took him he vomited all over me sad

Had a word with the manager and we agreed we would try again after half term, well half term has come and gone and he is - if anything - more anxious/distressed about it now!!!

He even cries in his sleep about going sad

So, they rang today as he hasnt been back and - understandably - they are saying they need the 2 sessions for other children. Fair enough.

They wanted to know when would he be starting back and I told them that we are moving house in 4 weeks (!) but, honestly, I cant see him going after xmas, either

Thing is, I dont work outside the home so cant justify leaving a vomiting/hysterical child at nursery when he doesnt really need to be there IYSWIM? Or rather when I dont need to be anywhere.

Sigh. God, its so hard to know what to do.

Am thinking that come september next year I will have to enrol him for 5 mornings a week....that will give him a year til school and he will get used to it more quickly (?)

It was different with ds1 - who also hated pre school at first but never to the extent of being physically ill! - he went 5 mornings a week from the go but is a summer baby and so only had 18 months til he started school which made it a bit more time sensitive IMO.

Someone, anyone, got any advice???

<<weeps again>>

OP’s posts: |
idag Wed 02-Nov-11 21:27:01

You poor thing, I had a similar situation with my little one and we just took her out. The nursery manager herself said that some children are just not ready until pre-school. It's not a reflection on your parenting or his development at all.
If his reaction is that extreme i would not put you or him through the agony any longer if you really don't have to. You can always go to groups together so he gets the social side of things.

Good luck, you sound like a lovely mummy !

Becaroooo Thu 03-Nov-11 07:54:33


Thank you.

Have pretty much decided that we are not sending him til Sept next year...then he has a year til he starts school.

Sorry you had a similar situation...its heartbreaking isnt it? sad

I asked him yesterday if he would get bored being at home with mummy and he looked at me like I was mad and said;
"I dont get bored, mummy. I love mummy!"

OP’s posts: |
Bossybritches22 Thu 03-Nov-11 08:06:15

aww bless you both it's horrid isn't it?

Listen to your instinct & if he's that unhappy don't force it, he's still a baby & he will grow up a lot over the next year.

Even by Easter he might be starting to be ready.

When you do start just ask if you can go on short visits TOGETHER " just for a play, darling" don't mention leaving him. It might take several visits to build his confidence. Usually IMHO it's better to leave them even if they're upset as they soon get distracted & DO settle. However if you had problems in the past the last thing you want to do is traumatise him.

We had a child once who visited 2 mornings a week for a month before Mum left him, once he started leaving her side & playing with the other children, she started wandering away to the other side of the room, talking to us but staying within sight.Then after 2 or 3 sessions like that she gave him a big hug & left him & although he cried initially he soon stopped & never looked back.Don't ever sneak off without saying goodbye.

Discuss it with the nursery manager & see what their usual policy is.

Good luck & enjoy having him at home with you for a little longer, it's a precious time!

seriousone Thu 03-Nov-11 09:51:41

you will prob have to pay for and give a months notice though but your childs happiness is the important thing

eastnorth Thu 03-Nov-11 21:57:50

You sound lovely take your child out why distress him if you do not need to.

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