advice for starting nursery

[jan2011]

hi please can anyone give me some insight.
the situation is that my husband is fulltime college (9-5 mon to fri) and also working part time. he has a lot of work on. i am taking care of my 4 week old baby who is quite demanding she has her nights and days mixed and has colic and reflux whichwe are trying to sort out. i also am doing a class which is 2 hours per week and my mum can mind her.
the problem is that my dh can get pretty much free childcare as he is a fulltime student. we went to look at the nursery today and got a place (they are very limited) this nursery is highly regulated, has a great reputation and im very happy with it. its close by and they can take her for 6 weeks.
my husband thinks it can solve a lot of problems - if she is in nursery for a few hours a few days a week i will not be as tired and needing a break when he comes in, so he can get his work done, i will have time to rest and catch up on my work so there will be less arguments about things. the problem is, this is my first baby, i am very attached to her, i do not want to leave her in a nursery at 6 weeks! am i being overprotective? yes we do need help. things are stressful at home. but we had the baby and i feel he needs to juggle his uni, work and home life as best as possible and i dont want to put her in really until after christmas and even then it will only be for like 2 or 3 hours at a time. he is pushing me to put her inat 6 weeks even if its a couple of hours but to me this is too much. my mum and dad know her, they will be happy to mind her. please tell me if its me being unreasonable or him. i am very grateful to have low cost childcare and will use it, but just not now! its not like i have to go out to work or anything, yes its very hard and sometimes when i haven't had a break its awful but i love her so much i don't see the dire need to put her with strangers so early. please can someone tell me what you would do??

[onepieceofcremeegg]

I would book the nursery place (if there is unlikely to be one at a later stage) and pay for it, while at the same time deciding not to use all of the hours you have booked.

If you need a break then as your parents are willing then ask them. Or could your mum/dad look after your baby at your home to support you there?

If your attitude is that the nursery workers are "strangers" and you feel quite negative about the whole thing, then try and communicate this to your dh.

fwiw many of us have used nurseries for young babies (although my second child got on better at a cm)

To be brutally honest you are lucky to have these choices/options.

[HoneyPablo]

I don't see the need to put her in the nursery if you are capable of looking after her when your husband is at college, especially when your parents will mind her when you do your class.
I fully support your right to do it if that's what you ( and that decision has to be your decision, not your husnabd's) want to. I wouldn't do it at 6 weeks if I really didn't have to.

[chocolatecrispies]

It's normal for it to feel unmanageable to look after your first baby, it doesn't mean you should leave them at nursery so young if you don't want to or need to! Give yourself a chance to get to know her first - the nursery will not be anything like as good as you are for her at 6 weeks old.

[idag]

Hi Jan2011

I think you know the answer to this one and should trust your instincts. Babies this young need consistent, loving one-on-one care which they just cannot provide in a nursery. I know how hard and stressful the early weeks can be - I have a 5 week old with colic and reflux too, and a 2 year old to look after. But this is what you sign up to when you have kids! And it DOES get easier even though it seems it never will. You are the best person to look after your baby and your parents sound lovely so let them help.

It is your decision but if you put her in nursery to give yourself a rest, would you actually rest in that time or would you be fretting about her all the time? I know I would, I miss my little one if i don't see him for 10 minutes!!

Good luck and hope you find the best solution for your baby
xx

[waitingforskinnyjeanstofit]

Go with your instincts.

The reflux does get better once the medication is sorted which will probably help you feel like you can cope and maybe not need the rest/nursery help. My hormones were still all over the place at 6 weeks so give yourself a break (emotionally) as it will get easier.

Maybe book the nursery and use it in a few weeks if you need and see how things go?
(I'm sure they'd let you sit in for a bit to see what its like)

[Deliaskis]

I would have put DD in nursery at 6 weeks if I could, because I wasn't coping, and just wanted something to make it easier. But it would have been a horrendous mistake for us, and I would have regretted it. As waitingforskinnyjeans says my hormones were all over the place at that time, and it turns out that the only way I got better at coping and better at being a Mum was by doing it.

I don't mean that you're not coping by the way, you sound like you're doing a great job, you're just exhausted and probably hormonal, like everyone is at 4 weeks. If you have family around to help you, I would not be rushing to put her in nursery, and it sounds like you completely don't want to anyway.

You're right, your DH does need to learn to juggle things, that's part of what being a parent is all about. The first few weeks are a massive shock to the system but it really does get easier, and you get used to it, and you both make room in your lives for the tiny little bundle who turns your world upside down.

D