Is this unfair on my son? (1 day a week at nursery)(13 Posts)
DS is 17 months and has been going to nursery one day a week since April. It's a lovely nursery, and I have no concerns with it. However, he has been ill a lot - pretty much every time he goes there, he picks something up, which often means that the following week he is not able to go. That, plus a couple of holidays visiting family, has meant that his attendance has been sporadic.
I know babies pick up lots of bugs when they go to nursery, so that in itself isn't a worry. What is worrying me is that this is making it really difficult for him to settle.
He's a really cuddly baby and has recently started getting very, very upset when I leave him at nursery (now that he remembers that I don't come back until later in the day). His key worker, who is lovely, has assured me that he is fine in the day. He's often a bit upset and subdued in the morning, but by the afternoon he's more confident. Still, I felt like crying myself when I left him this morning.
He has started crying when I pick him up - last time, when he saw me, his lip wobbled and he murmured 'Mummy' and buried his head in my neck.
I feel really awful about this. Is he crying when I arrive because he's angry I left him?
I can see that one day a week is making it very hard for him to settle and I worry about the impact it is having on him.
His nursery fees are currently funded by my (very kind) parents, as DH and I are struggling a bit money-wise. I am a SAHM, and am using DS' nursery day to do housework, attend a regular hourly appointment and mainly complete some coursework for a course I am taking (which will hopefully enable me to earn some money in the future). I miss DS terribly in the day.
I'm not really sure what I'm asking of you all, to be honest. I'm just trying to work out whether I should take him out of nursery for the time-being.
If you don't have to leave him I would take him out until a bit older.
Can you do 2 half days instead?
If he's unhappy I'd take him out.
Can you pay smeone to play with him at your house while you get your stuff done.
Neighbour, teenage cousin etc.
I also think two half days would be much better. Then bring him home for an afternoon nap.
I am planning to put my DD in nursery for 2 half days from Sept (aged 13 months) to do similar to you - get jobs done, look for a new job, do some of my OU course. A whole day is long, and if they miss it one week then they have a fortnight between stays so no chance to settle. Plus nursery is very tiring - my 3yo even now is very tired at the end of a full day at nursery. So maybe consider changing the days.
Alternatively, could you afford a childminder instead? The more homely environment and fewer children may mean less illness and a cosier place for him to be?
Two half days is a great idea.
Or, a nanny at your house so he is in a familiar space?
A whole day must be so long for them. Even reception DCs ask if it is hometime at about 11am-or they say 'have I had my dinner yet'-if you said 'yes' they would believe you! Time has little meaning.
Yes just 1 day a week isnt enough ...they need at LEAST two visits a week if not 3 ...maybe mon am,weds pm ,fri am something like that so he sees them lots but it doesnt cost you the earth .
Why don't you get a Mother's Help instead of paying for nursery? She can help with housework and mind your DS at home while you do your appointment/coursework?
If I didnt have to I wouldnt (and didnt).
What about a mothers help - could take your ds out/play with him etc whilst you are busy??
Thanks for the replies. Two half days - brilliant idea, I can't believe I hadn't even thought about that! I will definitely look into this.
I was a little down when I dropped him off shortly before I posted. However, when I arrived to pick him up, he was playing happily. He couldn't see me, so I stayed and watched a little. He was sitting next to another little boy, rummaging through a box. His key worker was asking him to pick out certain things, and he was toddling over to show them to her. He even had a little smile on his face.
When his key worker picked him up and he saw me, his lip wobbled for a split second and I said "Hello DS!" all brightly and held my arms out. He didn't cry, gave me a cuddle, smiled and then started pointing and babbling at the pictures on the wall.
So that made me feel a lot better about the whole thing! I do think the nursery has a lot to offer him - it's bright and airy, and the atmosphere seems reasonably relaxed (as opposed to one of the other nurseries I viewed, which felt really chaotic and disorganised). The staff seem very kind and they do lots of lovely activities. So I would like to keep on if I can.
I will ask about the 2 half days .
If I still feel it's not working out for him, I'll look into a mother's help. How much would they charge in London, do you think?
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