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when does the crying when I leave stop?

(7 Posts)
Samvet Fri 01-Jul-11 14:18:13

Hi there,
would be grateful for some advice. My now nearly 10m old little boy has been going to nursery since he was 8 months for 2 mornings a week. Initially he was fine, happy to be left. At dead on 9 months he started crying when I left him. This has been going on for 3 weeks now and he stops crying as soon as I leave.
I know this is probably the 9m seperation anxiety thingy but I am finding it very hard to leave him. The nursery say he is fine as soon as I leave and I believe them as I have hidden outside the door and I can hear the crying stop.
When can I expect the crying to stop? Does he need to go more often? Goes (weds/friday am).
thanks very much

Clarence15 Tue 05-Jul-11 07:51:57

Unfortunately it might last for some time, but as long as you don't linger they're absolutely fine. It's hard as a parent to leave them crying but 9 times out of 10 they'll stop within 5-10 mins of you leaving. My ds still does this now from time to time (he's nearly 5) but never once has it lasted. If he's seemed particularly upset I leave quickly and then ring nursery maybe half an hour later to check he's ok and he's always fine.

Our school actually encourages you to call them if you're concerned so you don't feel as though you're pestering them.

As hard as it is, the best thing you can do is give a cheery wave and a kiss and leave quickly (then go and cry for a bit in the car like I used to sad)

MaMattoo Wed 06-Jul-11 22:07:36

I sat outside and howled, my lenses fell out it was that bad. I gated myself for making him cry. I questioned the need to do this to him. Week 4 (1 yo goes wed/thu/fri) and he is crying sad poor guy!

EveryonesJealousOfGingers Wed 06-Jul-11 22:16:03

9-10mo is classic separation anxiety time (so I'm told). DD has been going to the CM since Nov (she is now 17mo) and she still cries sometimes when I leave her but it never lasts more than a couple of minutes.

Totally agree with not lingering, I find with DD that it's out of sight out of mind - she has a lovely time when she's there but quite naturally would prefer me to stay too! grin

It's all good, I bet he gets loads out of going to nursery and a few tears never harmed a baby.

woolovermyeyes Thu 21-Jul-11 17:11:43

I know it's easy for me to say as it's your son and you have the emotional bond with him but: almost every child goes through this at some point - if it didn't happen now, it'd happen when he was 1, 2, 3 years old. The fact that he stops crying more or less straight after you leave shows he's just seeing what reaction he can get. He's discovered something new - "when I cry, so does!" He's obviously not unhappy there or else he'd be crying all day - and that happens with some children! I'm sure he'd be the same if he was left with his grandparents/ aunts or uncles etc. He's just learning new things - he doesn't like it when you leave because he loves you but you're doing him a huge favour - he is becoming an independent, sociable little boy by being at nursery and everytime you come back reinforces the fact that 'mummy always comes back'. He'll realise this one day soon and it's just another life lesson - until then, he'll enjoy making you feel guilty smile good luck and remember - be positive - say 'ooh, wow, look, here's all your friends! shall we go and see whoever his keyworker is' give him a kiss and LEAVE - so many parents give them a kiss and cuddle, hand them over, mooch over them saying 'oh no, he's so upset' then take them back for another cuddle, this just prolongs things and makes the child even more unsettled. A kiss, tell him you love him and leave, don't look back! it'll be worth it.

princesbold Fri 22-Jul-11 17:38:23

Some children cry when their parents come to collect them, they will attempt to hide in the Wendy house in the hope they can stay all night.

minorpanic Wed 27-Jul-11 10:45:55

Hello! Not to make this worse or anything, but my DD now 3 and a half has always cried when I leave her. Some days she does a quiet sob, some days a full on wail! She has just changed nursery which has made it slightly worse. However, she is almost always absolutely fine once I have gone, she just finds the moment of parting really hard. I suffer from periodic terrible guilt about it and am always scrutinising her for signs of emotional damage. We know lots of kids whose parents stay at home, and I can't see any difference between those kids and my DD. If anything, she often seems more confident and secure. I am telling you this just in case it carries on, sort of indefinitely, so that you don't feel too bad.

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