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felt so sad a& guilty when I went to pick ds up from nursery today

(9 Posts)
AlphaSchmalpha Tue 09-Nov-10 22:16:07

went to get ds (3.5) from nursery today. another parent let me in so I wasn't buzzed in by staff. when I opened the inner door first thing I saw was ds sitting all by himself on a chair in the corner, not playing or singing, just sitting looking out of the window (dark outside) and swinging his legs. he looked sad and lonely.

I went in and he ran up to me, he was a bit tearful. We went round the corner to where his key worker was playing with 3 or 4 other children. I probably came across a bit brusque as I said straight off "ds was just sitting all by himself in the corner! is everything ok?". she was quite defensive and said "he was here a moment ago, it was only a few seconds ago that he went off". I left it there, just said "oh he just looked a bit lonely", and she didn't respond to that.

I don't expect them to be looking at or playing with my child every second of the day, but it did feel as though ds was sitting all alone and no-one was making an effort to get him to join in or talk to him. I feel really sad and guilty now for leaving him there all day. he often cries and says he doesn't want to go but usually gets over that quickly and seems to enjoy himself moderately though he's not wildly happy I know. But that's because he would prefer to be with me 24/7. Not sure why I'm posting, I don't think there's any sort of complaint to be made. Just wanted to get it off my chest I suppose. sad

Meglet Tue 09-Nov-10 22:20:53

I'm suprised that another parent let you in sad. At my DC's nursery that's almost a hanging offence!

It sounds sad that he was on his own but was he tired and no longer feeling boisterous?

oxeye Tue 09-Nov-10 22:20:58

Hi Alpha. Poor you. I didn't want you to wait for a response.

That is a gut wrenching sight for any mum - not what you want to see at all but of course you need to be logical not just emotional about it

Why not make an appointment to speak to the key worker or manager not to criticise today (but to mention it) but to discuss the fact that DS doesn't seem very happy about it all - they may reassure you?

Are there any other options - at that age assume DS will be off to school soon - is there a reception or associated plan or other child care?

I am sure you have made many good reasoned decision in why you chose this nuresry but maybe they need revisiting (for example they wer great at baby care but not so good at older children?)

but be kind to yourself. Have wine or soothing equivalent. One ot hte problems of motherhood is we can't make every moment of our DC life wonderful. Of course they would be attila the hun if we did, but the instinct is there!

AlphaSchmalpha Tue 09-Nov-10 22:31:20

thanks oxeye - the nursery is good generally and there are no other options - ds will go to school next year anyway and I don't want to put him somewhere new now. you are right re logic vs emotion.

meglet, you are right, I will raise it with the nursery - not so much that the parent held the gate for me, but that the outer door had been left wide open (by same parent I assume) which is not good. it's possible that i could have taken ds without anyone seeing as he was sitting just inside the door and not observed by anyone.

oxeye Tue 09-Nov-10 22:42:47

Well, Alpha, I think I would try to have a chat with them - make an appointment, not to complain but just to try and make DS last few months there as happy as possible! And yes security not great!

booyhoo Tue 09-Nov-10 22:47:25

just a thought, have you asked ds how his day was? and why he was sitting there alone? does he normally seem happy or is he always tearful or quiet at pick-up time. take your cues from your son and trust your gut. you know him well, you will know if he is really unhappy or just was tired and weepy.

sassyminder Sat 13-Nov-10 21:17:37

Have you asked him what happened? It seems to me that he was on time out and probably for much longer than he should, and the key worker did not tell you that. If she was good enough she would make sure he was included.

phipps Sat 13-Nov-10 21:21:29

I wonder what he would have been doing if you had have been buzzed in?

My 2 year old went to play school and I had to leave her crying every morning. I would spy through the window and she had stopped crying and was looking at a book or drawing.

Months and months later I found out she hadn't settled and I removed her straight away. She told me much later she didn't like it.

Trust your instincts.

After playschool I put her in nursery and she took ages to settle but the staff put the work in and told me everything. In the end I kept her at home with me until school. I wish now I hadn't sent her when I did or at all tbh.

Jane7 Thu 18-Nov-10 09:45:16

just to say, thoughts are with you alpha-schmalpha. it's tough isn't it. my dd (2 yrs) is another who would very clearly like to be with me every day and when he goes to nursery (2 days a week) makes that very clear by shouting. 'no want nursery; want stay home, want stay home' It breaks my heart, but then as soon as I've left him at nursery, he settles quickly and by the time I pick him up, he seems happy enough.
I still have moments of wondering whether I'm doing him horrible emotional damage (but most of the time, i think i'm suffering probably more than him!)
anyway, just to say, good luck with it. maybe you could try to sneak him behind another parent another day and see how your ds is getting on. i think as a one off, if he's looking a bit sad and lonely,it's probably fine. but if you get the overwhelming feeling he's never very happy there, then maybe that's a problem. how long has he been going?

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