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Teenager and separation

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amorset · 13/05/2018 17:51

I will be separating from my wife and have yet to sort out access. I have a 14 year old DD. She is very close to mum and distant with me. She has asbergers and likes her routines and familiarity. I do not want to become more distant with her but would I be wrong to insist that she stays with me if it was 1 night a week. I have other children that will also become teenagers soon. Question is, when it comes to teenagers do parents tell them you must visit this parent on these days etc. Or should we just let them decide. I fear if I let them decide I will rarely see them.

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lljkk · 13/05/2018 17:54

Must let her decide.
Of course you can try to make her think it's her idea that she wants to stay with U one night a week.
A unified message from you & wife that none of this is her fault, & that you both love her & want to support her as much as ever, is extremely valuable if you can achieve that.

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amorset · 13/05/2018 19:49

Ok thanks for reply.
Yes my wife and I are amicable and will say the right things. Just difficult to let my DD go.

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Nb65988 · 26/05/2018 08:09

I my son Asperger's and he stays with my partners aunt at weekends they need routine yes but they can go out of routine and set a new one take her shopping with mum and let her choose everything for her room and tell her she can come whenever she likes even if it's just dinner phone and ask if she wants to come over watch a film baking cakes is gd for them just fill she gets used to ure house just.keep inviting Ty hats Alli can do