I need advice-new to mumsnet but its regarding kids head teacher

[rollaelephant]

Hi, I have had problems communicating with our children's head teacher numerous attempts and different tactics over the last 5 years have finally come to a head. I will no longer talk with her due to her rude manner and have now raised the issue with the board of governors. All the other teachers and deputy are great and easy to communicate with. I've requested that we no longer deal with each other and if I can communicate with another member of staff or via e mail. My question is being raised because my husband is worried that my difficulties with the Head might get the kids kicked out of the school? Both kids have never been in trouble and we love the school and all the other teachers it is literally just the Head I clash with (and I am not the only parent who struggles with her). How difficult can the Head make it for me? Do I have the right to request to talk to other members of staff? Currently waiting to hear from the governors although I am worried they are in her pocket.... TIA

[TwigTheWonderKid]

Is it a primary school? What kinds of issues do you need to talk directly to the head about?

[steppemum]

welcome to mn.
It is very hard to comment without knowing you and the head.
I am an ex teacher and currently a parent governor and I have seen this from both sides, and of course we have no idea if you are one of the reasonable parents, or one of the unreasonable ones.
Sorry, not trying to be mean, just that this is anonymous.

But I can reasure you that the school cannot get rid of any kids because of parents behaviour. They have a duty to teach the kids on role. The only way they could get rid of your kids is through a permanent exclusion which would be due to their behaviour (extremem behaviour) and totally documented and assessed by the head and the chair of governors etc .
from what you have said that is not going to happen.

The school can ban you from the playground, and in extreme situations put a restraining order on you.

The governors are not 'in her pocket' but do have a duty to her and to the school, and must follow the guidelines.

It woudl be a very unusual situation to have you only allowed to communicate through the deputy, and I am not sure the school would be happy with it.

Lastly (sorry this is a bit long) I have 3 dc who have been through our local primary and youngest is now in year 4. I can only think of a few occasions in the last 9 years that I have needed to speak to the head, as opposed to speaking to the class teacher.

If you have a child with SEN, and therefore need to speak to her often, can I suggest you get someone, eg a friend to be your advocate and come to meetings with you (agree with the school).
If there are behaviour problems that you are being called into school regularly for then you probably need to think about dh being the one who goes into school on your behalf

[rollaelephant]

Hi, she doesn't allow us to talk to class teachers unless by appointment and my daughter got bullied badly she rang me to tell me her lunch box had been put in the toilet and she did not find out till after she had eaten it?? she assured me she would get to the bottom of it I remained calm and professional... 3 weeks later and asking again calmly by me she told me she was too busy to deal with it and past it onto another teacher who needed informing of what happened... it is still not resolved. This sort of thing happens all the time and I do not trust her that she has my childs best interest at heart more her ofsted marks. The teachers at the school are amazing the senco is amazing its just her we clash. Thank you for your e mail though I am waiting to hear from the governors

[steppemum]

so, in your situation I would make the appointment and speak to the class teacher.

Do you see them in the morning/at pick up?

We see class teachers at both, so easy to say - can I make an appointment to see you.

If she is being bullied in class, I would use the class teacher anyway.

[rollaelephant]

we are not meant to go past the school gates... I have been banned from talking to "her staff" after I told her she was an awful head... its a long long story and been 5 years of battles and no im not that mum all the other teachers and I can communicate well and I respect them. The head is a lot taller than me and stood over me yesterday wagged her finger at me and told me not to talk to her or her staff... its all gone to the governors I hope they can help I really need info from teachers for kids EP meetings over summer

[rollaelephant]

Thanks for replies hopefully the governors can help me so that I can talk to the teachers I don't want to talk with her again.

[blankface]

Unless you have written evidence of the situations you wish to raise, school can just ignore you, email is fine as a way to communicate with them. You need what's called a paper trail, it's easy to do from now on.

Write in, about the lunchbox with dates and times and ask what's been done about it.

If you've seen a teacher, write in/email, thank them for their time and co-operation, note what you saw them about and what they said they would do.

I understand your frustration, but please don't think that verbal communication is your only resource. It's likely that by now personalities have got in the way of resolving the problems and they are not being addressed as well as you'd like because of all the peripheral issues, instead of the focus being on the matter in hand.

Start afresh, create a paper trail and you may find you have a better response.