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Wedding and MIL stress

(12 Posts)
Babylionn2 Thu 27-Apr-17 08:33:16

I'm getting married in 2 weeks, my MIL2b is driving me up the wall! But without going into details she is pissing me off big time by excluding my sister as bridesmaid when discussing plans.

For background, I have 3 bridesmaids my sister my SIL2b and our mutual friend. My sister has been crippled with chronic pain and complex illness for past 5 years.

My MIL2b says things like, are you sure your sister will manage to be a bridesmaid? Implying that I should sack my own sister from the bridesmaid status.....so her daughter gets the limelight 😳😳
We were talking about flowers and she says why it cost so much I said I've got 3 bridesmaids bouquets... She goes what 3?... Oh sorry I forgot about your sister.

Same when talking about witnesses she says SIL2b will be your witness and I say no my sister will be! And she goes oh I keep forgetting about your sister. It's so hurtful 😡

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Thu 27-Apr-17 08:35:58

Stop discussions with her. .
Just say you will see her on the day. .
Stand firm as how you let her trample on you now is how she will expect this to be forever more.

Babylionn2 Thu 27-Apr-17 10:34:57

It's pretty difficult to, she's very involved and has offered to pay for a few things which has eased the financial pressure. I'm just so pissed off about the comments about my sister. Just because she's ill and might not be able to walk down the aisle doesn't mean I'm going to say she's not a bridesmaid anymore. Just don't know wtf she's thinking saying that.

2014newme Thu 27-Apr-17 10:38:53

Why are you discussing it with her?! Don't involve her, don't discuss it, avoid her as much as possible. Be busy. If she brings it up say "I'm having a day of from wedding chatter" 😂

2014newme Thu 27-Apr-17 10:39:58

Well if she's paying for stuff it's different. She will have a view. Unfortunately.

Babylionn2 Thu 27-Apr-17 10:43:52

I know but there's one thing having a view in say what flowers should be used and another about deliberately excluding my sister who has not done anything wrong. Just needing to rant 😤😤😤😤

bookbuddy Thu 27-Apr-17 10:46:17

I don't see why she should have the view your sister isn't important, financial help or not?! I would limit all discussions about the wedding with her and reinforce that it is your day if required.

FrenchMartiniTime Thu 27-Apr-17 10:46:59

I don't agree with the thought that because a family member is contributing they should get a say on your big day, that's just a gift with strings which I wouldn't accept.

If you are comfortable enough with your MIL2B could you explain to her that you are finding her comments hurtful and that your sister is an important part of your day?

nuttyknitter Thu 27-Apr-17 10:47:54

Even if she's paying for stuff it doesn't give her the right to interfere. I have two married DCs and we gave them both a significant donation to their weddings. However, the money was a gift, not a free pass to interfere.

Fitzsimmons Thu 27-Apr-17 10:49:43

Ignore her. She sounds loopy. I'm sure you and your sister will both have a lovely day and MIL can wallow in her own bitterness.

averythinline Thu 27-Apr-17 10:50:10

Just be straight with her....say she is being very hurtful to make comments about your much loved sister...

you should not have to be quiet about it cos shes helping financially...

but the lesson is never ever have a contribution from her again...

Babylionn2 Thu 27-Apr-17 10:56:32

Thanks everyone for listening to my rants, I am really worried about my sister has she spends a lot of days bed bound with no real solutions just opiates for pain relief. This has come with major anxiety and while I don't want her to do anything she doesn't feel comfortable with I also don't want her to have any regrets and try and make the most of the wedding day. She came along to my hen party but didn't mix with anyone she just stayed in bed but she was very very low and going through a bad time pain wise. My mil2b started saying all this hurtful stuff after the hen, saying there was no point in her coming to the glamping site as she just stayed in bed in her cabin. 😢

I'm making sure she has a hotel room close to the function room so she can go for a sleep in between ceremony and photographs and reception and it's ok if she needs to go to bed early, I just need her there for the important stuff. And hopefully when she gets the correct treatment for her to start living a normal life again, she will have happy memories with photographs and her name on my marriage certificate. I know my MiL2b will be mortified if my sister knew she was saying such things so I'm just going to ignore it and not stoop to low levels. She will see for herself how my sister is on the day and I will be so proud of my sister if she manages to cope with it.

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