Daughter fearful of being "left"(7 Posts)
Sorry, I'm new to this forum so hopefully I'm posting correctly!?
I'm currently going through an issue with my 5 year old daughter & was wondering if anyone could offer some advice.
My daughter is going through a phase of being terrified of being left. Ie me or her dad leaving the house & her alone or not being picked up from school etc.
We have never "lost" her or left her which could have created this stress so I don't understand why she has this concern.
She's very advanced for her age & ive tried reassuring her, asking why worried etc but to no avail. The teachers have even mentioned that she gets upset when they leave the class room (assistance always there, so it's not like there's no adult supervision)
Tonight she literally went into hysterics after I put her to bed as I went into the utility room to sort washing & didn't hear her call my name. (She often checks were still there by listening on landing etc) I was in my pjs so don't know where she expected me to go. I have to promise every night that I'm not going out.
I know at this age they have great imaginations & are starting to realise their place in the world & how big it is etc so it's probably just a phase etc however, I hate seeing her so distraught & was wondering if anyone had any advise to help eleviate her worries. It's becoming an issue now as it's starting to upsetting her twin brother.
Hi there, I'm quite new too ( waves )!
When I was her age I was very clingy too. It took a lot of reassurance to grow out of it. Could you google 'separation anxiety in children' and see what info comes up? It sounds like that's what she is experiencing like I did.
You poor thing and of course you are posting correctly! Welcome as I never saw the Newbies corner and it's nice.
It sounds like you're doing brilliantly dealing with this and sometimes I've found it's just a question of waiting patiently and carrying on with what you are doing to help and it will pass in its own time. But it sounds difficult in the meantime so I'm sorry if that's not much help!
The other thing I like to do is gently say I've noticed ... worries you, can you think of anything that would make you feel safer/ help you to realise I haven't left you! Our DC surprise me how good they are at coming up with their own solutions and it might just give more insight into what's causing her anxiety
I also definitely think try to always keep her feeling as secure as you can , not 'forcing' her to try new situations without someone she trusts unless inevitable- I used to be so anxious I developed elective mutism as a child and I think feeling more in control of my situations where poss might have eased it
Thankyou so much for taking the time to reply. I'll definitely look into separation anxiety more to see if can help relieve her anxieties. Thanks again for your help
Thankyou for taking the time to reply. That sounds like a great idea asking my daughter what she feels may help her feel more reassured. Thanks again, you've been very helpful
Has she given any explanation or reason my Dniece had this a while ago, it all came from something another child had said a school. Once we knew why we were better able to deal with it one way that helped her was putting a baby mointer in the room again (her fear was mainly night time) as it helped to hear her when she called out. To start with someone could go and then gradually (it was 2 way) just speak over to reassure her. She also has a younger sister so knew you had a baby mointer to listen to so she associated it with people being there IYSWIM she only needed it for a month or 2 then one night turn to her Mum and said it's ok now I don't need it tonight
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.