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Advice needed for my very sad 3 year old please?

(7 Posts)
Mbar11 Fri 04-Nov-16 12:25:45

Need a little advice on what to do, my little boy is 3 years old and has been at nursery full time mon - fri 7-7 since he was about 8 months as I am a lone parent and I work full time.
About 9 months ago we had to move home as we got priced out of the area we rented in and because of this he had to move nursery too. At the same time my immediate family (my mum and brothers) moved back to Spain so we only see them occasionally now even though we FaceTime a lot.

He used to be the happiest boy in the world but lately he is so so sad 😔

He begs me not to take him to nursery ... every single morning. And cries because he wants to go back to the old nursery.
He gets upset every night after nursery because he says "I want to go back to my old house "

He used to be very popular at his old nursery, always invited to parties and everyone's friend and now he always plays alone, doesn't participate in group things and repeatedly tells me he doesn't have any friends any more and never gets invited to parties.

This morning our conversation made me realise I need to get some advice because he told me that he doesn't like his new home or school and then he said word for word "When you go to bed I'm going to run away and go far far away "
He also said he hates me for not letting him see his Nana ... he doesn't understand I can't control where they live!

I mean he's not an 11 year old girl ... he's a 3 year old boy! Should he be saying these things!?
Do I just need to give it more time?
Every single day for 9 months This happens and I am worried I am failing as a parent.
Most weekends are dedicated to him and revolve around him I do all I can to make him feel secure and loved.

Any one had a similar scenario? Did it just sort itself out or do I need to do something?

thanks in advance for any advice xx

Benfin1416 Fri 11-Nov-16 18:19:21

Hi I have no advice sorry but couldn't read and not reply. It sounds like you both are having a really sad time.
Have you been able to speak to the nursery for advice?

Tulle13 Fri 11-Nov-16 20:44:17

Hi Mbar11,
I'm a mum and a granny and I would say firstly it must be tough for you being on your own and having the worry of your little one being so upset. I think that time will probably help him to adjust to all the changes in his life. Little ones like routine and lots of things are different for him now. Could you talk to his nursery teacher about helping him to make friends and encouraging him to join in or perhaps a sympathetic mum who might invite him to play? As far as him missing his gran, would he like to write letters or send parcels of paintings he's done Spain and could gran send things to him? I send my granddaughter who's three parcels and she loves getting them and makes little things to send me. Hope things improve very soon for you smile

Sleeperandthespindle Fri 11-Nov-16 20:52:45

I did have a very similar scenario. DS (then 3.6) had been with a combination of nanny and nursery since he was 1. We moved house (nanny had left for new job about a month before so was in full time nursery which he loved), and he started part time at a different nursery and part time with a CM.

I just thought he'd be fine! Chose the nursery carefully but wasn't worried. He completely changed. He cried all the time and clung to me desperately every night, not wanting to go to sleep in case I left him. He spent weekends crying about it being nursery on Monday. I spoke the the nursery but they were non committal and disinterested.

Thankfully, the CM was able to have him and combine it with the village preschool. We left the nursery and he was a changed boy. Back to his normal, bouncy self (nursery had described him as 'quiet and shy' which I did not recognise at all!). He spent a term and a half really happy before starting school as a confident and excited little boy this September. If I'd left him in the nursery, I dread to think how hard school would have been.

If you have any alternative option, try to take it. I would have given up work I think, if the CM hadn't been so brilliant.

britta2 Sat 12-Nov-16 19:22:01

My small son was also unhappy in his nursery and in a way I agreed with him, the staff was very dogmatic and not very loving with the kids. Would it be possible for you to take some time off and check the other nurseries in your area out, together with him? Can you meet his old friends during the weekend? That might help as well. smile

sillygilly80 Mon 14-Nov-16 13:19:58

What a complete shame for you, I am so sorry that your having such a tough time. I can imagine my son would feel the same.
What you have described is a massive change for him and as we know, young children depend on routine and dont adjust to change well at all.

Is it possible one of your family members could come back and sort of 'wean him off' them, rather than cold turkey like he has had so far.
Can you invite any of the new nursery children to a party and try and help him make friends?

You are not failing as a parent, you are doing amazingly despite your circumstances.
Is it not possible at all to get him back in the old nursery or is it too far for you to take him from your new house?

Granny01 Fri 18-Nov-16 16:56:00

9 months is a very long time for a child not to adapt to the new situation. It suggests there is something really not clicking between him and this nursery. Can you try another nursery? or a CM? And what about skype or facetime with Nana? That fills an emormous gap very well.

Have you told your mother how unhappy he - and you - are? I am sure she'll want to do all she can to ease things for you. You may fear making her feel guilty too, but it sounds like your little boy really needs some grandparent contact too.

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