New mom and feeling a bit low 🙁

[FayeLiz84]

Hi I'm a new mom and new to mumsnet

I have an 8 week old little boy and I think I'm struggling to adjust to life with a baby. I have always worked full time and enjoyed going out with friends and I think it's a bit of a shock to the system. I love my little boy but I'm finding it hard as we moved to a new area where I don't know many people or places we can go and it making me feel a bit upset.

I tried a mother and baby group today and I was so nervous I ended up crying while I was there... I am quite shy and it was a big step to go somewhere out my comfort zone with people I don't know. I felt really out of place and to be honest I didn't feel very welcomed.

I want to make sure that my Son is stimulated but I'm getting a lot of anxiety, the thought of him crying in public or wanting a feed while I'm out terrifies me. I don't want to look like a crap mom...even though I feel like one sometimes!

I'm getting quite upset a lot of the time and I'm not sure if it's because I'm trying to do too much and putting pressure on myself or if it's just hormones.

I guess I just want to know if anyone else feels/felt like this to start with and if there is any advise that you could give me.

Sorry for the long message xx

[AliceInHinterland]

I have definitely felt like a rubbish mum, and found it hard adapting to the monotonous but demanding task of looking after a small baby. It's tough! I bet your baby is safe, fed and loved though? In which case you are a fantastic mum to such a small baby. Late he will need more from you and you'll adapt as you go. You will never get it 100% right. If you feel like you've got it half right you're doing brilliantly!
You will find social support invaluable though so I think you need to keep on getting out there, it's a bit like dating - if can be painful and you'll meet a lot of people who don't suit you. Maybe one in five you'll actually like. It's a numbers game.
Tips for baby groups:
Best opener - compliment their baby and ask how old they are
You will see the same people if you go to several groups - ask if they are going to come next week and if they fancy a coffee/the park afterwards
Ask people there which other groups they go to.
Go easy on yourself, you're still new at it!

[AliceInHinterland]

It's naff but preparing conversation helps - other ideas:
Is this their first child? If not, how old, discuss whether the school or nursery is good.
How long are they planning on staying off work, or will they stay at home with the baby? What did they do before?
If they have older babies ask for a bit of advice, how did they deal with the four month sleep regression, or weaning for example?

[TheOnlyPink]

Oh you poor pet, I remember that feeling so well. I was in a flap one day in the supermarket, my little boy was crying and I was struggling to settle him. Thought everyone was staring and thinking how crap I was, that I couldn't even soothe my own baby. But a lovely woman came up to me and told me I was doing great, and that no one gives a shit. Most people are thinking thank God it's not me this time! My children are older now, and honestly, when I hear a crying baby, I feel a mix of sorry for the parent, and think thank fuck my turn is over!

Do try to persevere with the baby groups, even if you don't talk the first few times, you will become a familiar face and the other mums will be more friendly. I would have been lost without the company and advice I got from the two groups I went to. Some fab advice on conversation starters from alice.

Be kind to yourself, it's a huge adjustment, and you can't go back. We are all just doing our best, no mum is super mum, and I honestly believe we have all felt exactly the same as you do right now. It's bloody hard work! The days are long, but the years are short!

[AliceInHinterland]

I have definitely been there done that with the crying in public while my baby cried by the way. You do come to realise that most people don't care, you are hormonally wired to feel it's much worse that it seems to others. My baby crying makes me feel like my brain is melting, others don't bother me.
Whereabouts are you? Our local free paper has listings for baby activities. Good ones for really little babies are rhyme time at the library, baby yoga type things, and in a month or two swimming. Courses are good because you will see the same people a few times in a row. If the baby cries you can always step outside.
If nothing else, keep getting outside for a decent walk every day.

[Someonepressmute]

I'm pretty sure most of us have felt like you do at some point. Becoming a parent is an overwhelming task, but one that makes our lives so much better.
I suffer anxiety, and can appreciate how hard going to a group was. Well done you. Keep going and make small talk, like you would at the hairdressers. It gets easier and as time has gone on , I now can approach people without a care of what they might think.
Like the above poster said, walking does wonders.

[user1470250042]

Hope your doing ok, I just private messaged you if ever you need a chat, I'm knew to this site to.