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Can I change my husband?

(2 Posts)
Ellie83 Sun 25-Jun-17 20:07:44

My husband and I meet 7 years ago, I fell hard for him. He is a good looking man but unforunately knows it. I fell pregnant while on the pill a year into our relationship. I never wanted children and felt very scared at the time. We were not living together at the time, probably the first mistake. We brought a house after our baby was born.
After i moved in with him i started to notice how lazy he was. Although i was on maternity leave he never got up with our son or did anything for him. I was still deeply in love with him. We then decided to try for a 2nd child as i didnt want an only child. We unfortunately lost our 2nd child at 12 weeks, i was completely heartbroken. My husband gave me a hug and kiss and was kind for all off a week. After that he just told me to get on with it and to stop dwelling on it.
He then asked me to marry him i said yes but in my head i kept thinking i am not happy. But i alwats think the grass is greener when it is often not. We then arranged the massive wedding, even before i walked down the asle i thought can i get out off this. But thought no my dad has paid so much so went through with it.
We then fell pregnant with a much wanted baby on my part. Since he has been born he shows little or no interest in me. We barely have sex and he constantly teases me about how i dress and do my hair. I really do try and look nice, i am not hugely over weight about a 10.
He also never shows interest in our children. I remember growing up, my dad was constantly doing stuff for us. Riding bikes reading stories etc. My dad still does this with the boys now and is more of a father figure. He constsntely plays on his phone and watching football any football! He also goes to watch football literally every weekend, leaving me and the boys all day. He also constantely criticises our eldest unless he is playing football.
I just feel like i am stuck in a loveless marriage on his part and have a rubbish dad for my kids. Maybe i am just comparing him with my dad who was and still is a great father. Also he treats my mum like a queen and cant do enough for her.
My husband is also increadbly rude to both my parents and grandparents. And they help us out so much with both child care and finances.
I have thought about leaving so many times butdo not have the funds to do so. Also i could not bare to be separated from my kids when they visit him. Can i change him? I have suggested counselling but he says there is nothing wrong. He flips out in a very aggresive manor and says i need to chill out. Any ideas for what to do? I am lonely now amd emotionally drained.

Nuls76 Fri 07-Jul-17 08:14:00

Hi Ellie83,
Sorry to hear about this. Just wondering what ages the boys are? Your Dad sounds so lovely but your husband unfortunately you cannot change. It sounds to me like you'd be better off in the long run to leave and eventually meet someone else. Are the boys both of school age? If you are working, you could investigate if child tax credits could supplement your single income. There's a calculator on the Hmrc website. Could you give him an ultimatum before actually moving and see if that works? If not, your Dad might be really well placed to give you advice as he knows the situation personally and is a great grandfather to the boys anyway.
Hope you find some answers.

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