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Help needed - finance tried to cheat but couldn't go through with it.

(5 Posts)
user1494742411 Sun 14-May-17 07:17:16

Hi all.
I'm really lost at the moment and feel that this is the only place that I can come and be open and seek support and advice.

Me and fiance have the perfect realationship. Never have i found a relationship so safe, secure, fantastic open honest communication, true partnership and easy. No arguments, just lovely. The last two weeks have been better than ever, we've been even closer...........then this week
my fiance works away alot at the moment, a couple days here, there, and is constantly texting me when he's away and we skype chat. He went abroad this week, and the first night (Monday night) he was there went to a reastuarant and was texting me pics of his meal, and skyped me when he got back to his hotel. Unbeknownst to me, a waitress there had been flirting with him and giving him a lot of attention, and he knew was attracted to him, so he gave her his work mobile number and asked her if she'd like to show him the sights as he was there all alone.
She text him the following day and they were texting on whatsapp about general crap aparently the whole day. My spidey senses were already kicking in by this point and i could just tell something was a little amiss, we'd be chatting on whatsapp while he was online, but my messsages weren't being read immediately so i knew he was talking to someone else which is very out of the ordinary. Anyway, he was texting her and they arranged to go out for food and to a club on the wednesday night. He never told me any of this. By Wednesday night i could tell something was wrong as asked him if he was talking to someone, he said he was emailing work people a lot and then he turned off his privacy setting on whatsap which shows when someone was last online. (this
He did meet up with her on the wednesday night and things apparently got very flirty, and around 10pm he saw a good night text from me, and wracked with guilt he owned up to her and told her he was due to get married and was unavailable.
I just knew inside me soemthing was wrong and by thursday morning went mad at him, asking why he turned off the privacy setting on whatsapp. He tried to appease me and told me he loved me more than anything and nothing was wrong. But i knew it was. He came home late thursday night and i confront him and he admitted everything.
He at first though this might be his opportunity for a 'last hoorah' and couldn't believe a young attractive girl was interested in him. But wracked with guilt was constantly debating going to meet her. I should note my fiance is a porn addict and suffers from erectile dysfunction and requires 'medicine' to help him in bed. None of which he purchased before meeting her. I truly believe nothing happened, but the thing is this...he instigated this, his intention no matter how brief was to cheat. He knows my last 10 year relationship nearly killed me as my ex constaly cheated and lied to me.

I'm devestated. I never thought, dispite his porn/sex addiction that he would ever think for a moment to cheat on me. He is devestated and crying constantly, but I'm so hurt. He may not have cheated, this i believe - but for a split second he wanted to, and he did go to meet her for drinks.
The wedding is in 4 months. What do i do??

RNBrie Sun 14-May-17 07:31:27

Don't marry him. Sorry. But if he wants to cheat before the wedding I can't see him making it through a marriage.

Find someone who deserves you.

Shurleyshummishtake Sun 14-May-17 07:34:49

Walk away
Of he even contemplated cheating now you don't stand a chance of him being faithful when the going gets tough over the years

Decent men do not behave like that

Please. Don't set yourself up for years of checking and anxiety and wondering. He isn't committed to you or your relationship in the way he should and that you deserve.

This isn't nothing
It is everything and you can leave now

Step1 Fri 26-May-17 20:15:26

Delay now as the closer the wedding day comes the more emotions and responsibilitiy feelings will come into play.
I'd say delay a year and put him on probabtion.
If you believe him then he came to his senses at last moment. Seems to be quite rare!!!

ljl1415 Wed 12-Jul-17 02:33:52

Men like that only get worse with marriage, not better.
No matter how great you get along in your relationship, if a man even considers cheating then he doesn't deserve your hand in marriage. Especially if he acts first to ask for forgiveness after....
If he proposed to you out of pure love he would never have acted on finding another woman attractive. Ever.

It is your life and ultimately your decision and I can imagine which ever road you chose to go down that it will be hard from here. BUT please ask yourself: Do you think you will ever have doubt in your heart if he goes away again for a few days for work...or with his friends etc?
If your answer is yes, then that's no way to live a married life and I would advise you to run and look back with at it as a lesson not a sadness.
You deserve better than a marriage like that.

flowers

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