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I am at the end of my wits end.

(14 Posts)
theendisnigh38 Fri 10-Feb-17 13:34:02

Playground mums who are bullies. Basically, I noticed in the spring term of when my daughter was in reception that everytime l would walk past this group of women on the playground they will chuckle, make some comments and laugh behind my back. At first, l thought I was imagining it but then I will turn around and indeed they were all looking at me including some fathers may I add. My daughter has selective mutism so she has a hard time trusting other children including grown ups, a trait may I add unfortunately she has inherited from me.

On her birthday when she was in reception, she insisted that she wanted a party which involved making things. I checked with our local venue and the maximum children for this party was 12 and there were 14 girls in her class including her. Her brother also wanted to attend this party which meant that I had the tough decision of leaving some of the girls out (4) in her class. She is one of the youngest in her class and l watched over the course of the 3 terms that she was constantly been singled out of invites. Three people cancelled on the morning of the party and l had a strong feeling that they did it on purpose because I didn't invite their friends children to the party.

Anyway, this blanking, gossiping and bitching has moved over to YR1. The school are working really hard on helping my daughter come out of her shell but in the background, the mums are making it impossible for me. She has found a best friend in one of the children and unfortunately, the mum does not even look at me twice so I can't even ask for a playdate. It is hard for me to listen to her after school everyday talk about this girl when l know it will lead to nowhere. I do not know for the life of me what l have done. I have had periods of time when I have risen above it but that only lasted a week. It is making me ill because l feel anxious for my daughter. I feel sick during the school runs and off late I have turned to having a couple of glasses of wine before I get to the school. Since this started happening, l have not been sleeping and l have watched myself pile on the weight.

I have no one to do the sch run for me so l can sometimes take a break from seeing these women. I have tried talking to my partner about this but he says this is all in my head. My daughter has been invited to a party at the end of March which she is really excited about going. I have already accepted and said she will be coming but deep down l am really worried. The party is on a weekend and I could do without seeing these women all sat there in their little group.

What can l do?....

Ilovecaindingle Fri 10-Feb-17 13:42:50

Do you receive any help for your anxiety? Sounds like dd is lovely but is picking up cues from you about stress /anxiety. Can you speak to the school about how best to help your dd? And speak to a health visitor to join some parent groups which would help you both I feel.

Let her go to the party. She must not pick up on your worries so smile and take her. Why not smile and say hello to these ladies? Just because they don't seem to be making an effort with you doesnt mean you can't be civil to them. It is also showing your daughter that you are not worried by them. Make a real effort with the mum of the girl who invited your child -thank her for including your daughter and tell her how excited your child was -preferably do this in front of these women so that they can see that you are talking about a little girl with feelings and that she is a person too. This may make them think about their actions. If not, then it's their issue and not yours and there may be nothing you can do. You are a good person who loves their daughter and that is what you should remember. Good luck! sending (((hugs)))

omnishamblesssssssssssssss Tue 14-Feb-17 00:27:13

They are probably all just friends.

Do you approach any of the mums at school? Try the quieter mums on the sidelines rather then the popular ones. You have to be willing to make the first steps.

There will be other children with additional needs, it won't be just your child.

I think you will find most people are nice but the odd person will be a total bitch.

Sweets101 Tue 14-Feb-17 00:33:53

You really need to stop drinking before school runs!
Ask her dad to take her to the party.

facebookuser Tue 14-Feb-17 00:56:02

They chuckle and laugh behind your back?! Wow! How old are they? Sounds like most of the kids are more mature than those sad cows. Can't believe grown women behave so ridiculously. You sound lovely btw, please don't let those imbaciles ruin your day flowers

3luckystars Tue 14-Feb-17 01:05:56

You say you do not know what you have done, well you left a small few out of a class party.
I think that was a mistake and you must have hurt their feelings?
Anyway, I hope you manage to build bridges with them and get some help for the stress you are feeling. I also hope when you say 'school run' that you are walking, not driving after a few drinks.
wishing you all the best x

3luckystars Tue 14-Feb-17 01:11:48

Sorry if I misunderstood your post btw. I'm in a different country so I'm just trying to figure out "reception" is the first year in primary school is it? So your daughter was only 4 or 5 when this all started?

3luckystars Tue 14-Feb-17 09:33:26

(After her birthday party?)

Sorry you are so upset. I hope you find a solution x

theendisnigh38 Tue 14-Feb-17 11:27:30

She has anxiety issues so she didn't want anything huge. I tried to discourage her from having one and she accepted but a few days later, she would come back and request this particular party. The venue make the rules on how many children to bring to this kind of party. I had to think of her and it was a very difficult to leave these three girls out. By the way, she was not invited to any of the girls party in her class and she is the youngest out of the lot. I could have been easily upset and done tit for tat but I didn't. Life is too short and I always think about the children no matter how bad the parent behave.

theendisnigh38 Tue 14-Feb-17 11:30:39

Ps. My last message was in response to "3 luckystars".

WindwardCircle Tue 14-Feb-17 11:49:48

I wouldn't worry too much about the party, even if you did upset someone it's in the past and you can't change it.

What I would work on is the future. You say your DD's friend's mum won't even look at you so you can't ask her daughter for a play date. She doesn't have to be your friend for that, it's. or about her and you it's about your children's friendship. Just find her and ask her, if you can get her on her own without her little group it will be easier but in the end they're just people, no better or worse than you, put your big girl pants on and do it. Alternatively does your class have a Facebook page? You could message her through that then you don't have to do it face to face.

I understand how hard all this is. I really do. However if you don't talk to anyone people will assume you don't want to be talked to and leave you alone. As someone else upthread said, try approaching some of the quieter parents. You have at least one thing in common with them, your children are at that school. If you make a couple of friends amongst the class parents it makes drop offs and pick ups so much nicer when you have someone to chat to.

theendisnigh38 Tue 14-Feb-17 16:09:14

Thank you all for your response. There are a lot of good ideas here. I will try what "WindwardCircle suggested and see how it goes. My heart is already pounding thinking about it..... but I will certainly give it a try. I have also given up drinking before school run because it is affecting my health. I don't want to add drinking to my worries and l am sure these mum's are enjoying seeing me looking depressed all the time whilst also piling on the weight.

AssassinatedBeauty Tue 14-Feb-17 16:21:05

If they really are laughing at you, then they are horrible people and you really don't want to be friends with such horrible people. Can you go a bit earlier before they've gathered? Otherwise, try to breeze past them and act like you're totally disinterested in them. Pretend to be on your mobile if it helps, or chat to your daughter whilst you walk past them. Or as a PP has said, say a bright and confident "Morning!" as you go past, and don't wait for a response, just bustle on past them.

And please don't drink before you drive. 2 glasses of wine could put you over the drink drive limit.

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