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When is a mother not a mother?

(21 Posts)
MurderOfGoths Sun 16-Feb-14 08:42:52

Blog post about my 10 week premature DD.

MummyBeerest Sun 16-Feb-14 16:06:46

Murder sad As a stalker you'd think I knew you'd given birth. Congratulations, followed by my sincere wishes for your DD to be home soon.

You ARE a mother, and a strong one at that. Going backand forth to the hospital and waiting for her to get better makes you a tough nut!


I have no real words of wisdom. Thinking of you!

MurderOfGoths Sun 16-Feb-14 17:46:13

I've not been on MN much since she was born, so I don't think many people know about me giving birth.

Thank you, it's a hard time and messages like yours help a lot x

RegainingUnconsciousness Sun 16-Feb-14 17:57:57

Murder, you're a poster I see around a lot, and though I don't think we've had any direct interaction you're someone I hold in high esteem. Sorry to hear you're having a tough time, hope everything improves swiftly and you get that rush. thanks

MurderOfGoths Sun 16-Feb-14 18:02:18

Thank you Regaining smile

YouWithTheFace Sun 16-Feb-14 18:14:17

MoG I don't have wise words just hugs. I hope it just gets better from here.

CrazyOldCatLady Sun 16-Feb-14 19:28:27

It passes, it really does.

DS didn't seem like ours till we brought him home at 29 days old. The NICU staff were more his parents than we were; they did more for him, they understood more about him, they spent more time with him.

Now he's very much ours and we barely remember that awful time.

Hang in there.

MurderOfGoths Mon 17-Feb-14 12:07:29

That is really good to know, thank you x

StealthPolarBear Mon 17-Feb-14 12:11:31

Murder congratulations on the birth of your dd. You were on my list of "favourite mners who are currently pregnant list" , im so sorry its not gone smoothly.
hoping that soon this is a bad memory and you're enjoying life with your two gorgeous children. This situation is not "normal" , surely its to be expected that you're physically, mentally and emotionally off kilter?

Huge hugs and love to you all

MurderOfGoths Mon 17-Feb-14 16:03:52

Thank you Stealth

I'm looking forward to the day this is all a distant memory, that's for certain!

StealthPolarBear Mon 17-Feb-14 16:56:38

If you don't mind me asking, how is she getting on? When do you expect to bring her home? Does she have a name yet?

StealthPolarBear Mon 17-Feb-14 16:57:16

Tell me to bog off if I'm being too nosey, and feel free to make up a hideous name just so you can see me awkwardly say how erm...lovely it is grin

StealthPolarBear Mon 17-Feb-14 16:58:03

and have you spoken to anyone about traumatic birth/PTSD?

MurderOfGoths Mon 17-Feb-14 18:31:41

She's doing well, has gone from 3lb 1oz to 3lb 15oz (possibly more, she's being weighed again today), she's off the oxygen and breathing for herself, just been moved into an unheated cot rather than an incubator as she's got better at regulating her temperature, and she's taking some of her feeds via bottles rather than through the feeding tube.

We are now waiting for her to take all her feeds via bottle, and for her heart rate to stop slowing down. They think it does it because she's just not developed enough and it's a reaction to her being uncomfortable, and they think she has reflux. So it's a waiting game now, hopefully she'll be home mid-March.

I've just started seeing a counsellor recommended by Bliss, so hopefully that will help.

Oh and she's called Eve smile

StealthPolarBear Mon 17-Feb-14 18:34:31

Glad to hear she's doing so well smile
You won't believe me now but that's a really lovely name. I would have called DD that but I have a cousin called that and we didn't want to get into the family politics of her being named after someone else iyswim.

MummyBeerest Thu 20-Feb-14 21:46:57

This is late, but so glad to hear she's doing better. She's going to be strong and awesome, just like her mother x

StealthPolarBear Sun 23-Feb-14 11:47:20

How are you all getting on MOG?

MurderOfGoths Sun 23-Feb-14 20:07:48

Mixed at the moment.

On the one hand DD is doing a lot better and I'm feeling a bit more bonded with her, mostly because she's out of the incubator now, so more accessible for cuddles etc.

On the other I'm exhausted and some (less than helpful) community midwife decided to refer us to SS as our house was a state when she visited the day after I got out of hospital - after 7 months of severe SPD and hyperemesis.

StealthPolarBear Sun 23-Feb-14 20:19:55

Oh ffs that's tje last thing you need. How did it go or is there something still to come? Given everyrhing you have to deal with I suspect they'll either help or drink tea and leave.
so glad dd is doing well. Before long she will be clinging to your leg while you're on the toilet and then youll be creeping into her room at night to watxh her sleep

pinktransit Sun 23-Feb-14 20:39:06

Your blog brought back so many of the feelings that I had about my second daughter. She wasn't nearly as early as yours, or as small, but she was in SCBU for 12 days following a very quick birth at 34 weeks.
I gave birth almost on my own (bloody useless exh left the bedroom at the crucial moment to 'get help'), then sat on the floor with the baby until the ambulance arrived 10 minutes later. Exh then had to return home to pick up my notes. They took the baby away as she was 'cold and not breathing well', and then left me on my own for 5 long hours while I didn't know whether she was alive or not.
I discharged myself from hospital 3 days later, and she stayed in. I visited, but she didn't feel like 'mine'. Somebody else did more feeds and nappy changes than I did - I couldn't stay all the time as I had a 14 month old too.
I still remember that awful 5 hours of not knowing, but the rest has faded. It was 23 years ago, and those first weeks have had absolutely no bearing on how have felt about her since. It may have been a more gradual 'get to know you' than a huge rush of love, but it made no difference at all.
Once you have her home with you, it will be just like bringing any newborn home. x

MurderOfGoths Sun 23-Feb-14 21:02:48

They are coming out on Wednesday, at first they wanted to come out on Monday and got very annoyed when we said we had plans for then. Seems it hadn't occurred to them that having a child in SCBU might just mean we wouldn't be at home. hmm

pink That sounds really terrifying! But it is good to know that it doesn't have any bearing on the love you feel for her smile

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