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Is there pressure by nurseries to potty train a child before they are ready?

(13 Posts)
mummydear Fri 29-Jul-05 22:01:29

I,ve been very lucky with my two boys both potty trained easily and I followed their lead , one was 2yrs 7 months the other was 2 yrs 10 months.
It was done when they showed the inclination to do it,all along with both a potty was made available to them and then one day no more nappies and hey presto !

I do remember being pressurised by mother in law into starting to potty train my eldest when he was 2 yrs 2 months and I knew that he was not ready but had pressure off hubby as well.( More fool me !!) Anyway to prove a point, to show he was no wher near ready I tried but did not get anyway and hubby agreed with me.

also I have a few friends at the moment who are desparetely trying to potty train their child because 'they cannot go to nursery in September until they are potty trained' or 'they cannot stay on for a longer session until they are potty trained'. I think that the children are no way ready and pressure is being put on the mums by these nurseries etc to ensure a place .

I suppose I've been lucky. But these mums want their child to go to nursery, the children are not even 3 , one boys is2 yrs 4 months and not remotelt interested but the mother is putting pressure on herself to get it done.

I just think its so unfair to put added pressure on parents.

rummum Fri 29-Jul-05 22:12:45

I work in a pre-school and we 'cannot discriminate against children in nappies'... basicly we can't say no. I'm sure this must be the same all over the country. Its easier they have a clean nappy when they arrive, we will obviously change if smelly... but we don't change if wet.

mummydear Fri 29-Jul-05 22:17:41

The playgroup that my eldest went to and where my other boy will be going do not discriminate, however it would appear that some do. Does anyone out ther have any first hand experience?

gully Sat 30-Jul-05 23:20:25

I used to work in a nursery, and there I know that no pressure was put on child or parent. How ever I have heard of other nurseries persuadding parents that their child should be potty trained in order to fit in with their routines. If so I would question if these nurseries would have my child's best interests at heart. Potty traing a child before they are ready is a sure way of having an upset, miserable child on your hands. not to mention handing them a new technique to wind you up AND -all- that washing!!!! any good nursery would recognise that all children are individuals and will do things in their own time and when they are ready.my ds1 started potty training at 2yrs 2months just a bit before ds2 was born. had a little blip then but has been fine. have also trained 3 1/2 year old- all different!!

QueenEagle Sat 30-Jul-05 23:24:21

I'm quite interested in this topic at the minute.

My ds is due to start playgroup in october when he will be 2 years 9 months.

I have been told by the leader that if he is in nappies, they will still take him but if he soils then they will phone me to come down to change him. But, if he is in pull-ups or pants and he soils, they will change it themselves......now i find this odd as surely it's the same whatever they are wearing, isn't it???

I was wondering if I should challenge this "rule" and see what happens - what do you think?

Fran1 Sat 30-Jul-05 23:35:24

This "rule" has been made up by many pre-schools/playgroups. Generally nurseries would not inflict such a rule.

IMO pre-schools use this rule because often their facilities are not great for changing and they are limited with staff. They use the "child protection" issues to get away with making parents believe that they are not allowed to change dirty nappies or accept children who are not potty trained.

I think (don't know for sure) that if you spoke to Ofsted on the matter, they would consider it discrimination to state that children have to be potty trained before starting.
And i really don't think changing soiled nappy/pants is at such a risk for child protection factors that a parent needs to be called in. Ofsted state that only qualified staff can be left alone with children, therefore only qualified staff could do this clearing up, but it still should be done!

mummydear Sun 31-Jul-05 09:15:47

Fran1, I think you are right it is the pre schools and playgroups that have these issues, I should have named the discussion as such.

Many in our area offer a longer morning seesion to include lunch ,albeit a packed lunch by mum, these children then have an hour longer session. for some mums who have a part time job in the morning this is very appealing, they then realy try and get their children potty trained so they can get this session.

As said the child protection issue is rubbish, whats the difference between chnaging a soiled nappy and a soiled of pants , I think the latter is worse !! They can stil have accidents when trained especailly when they are busy doing something else !!

QueenEagle, it would interesting to hear what they say if you challenge them . In the meantime use pull ups its easier than ordianry nappies if you haven't tried them before.

mummydear Sun 31-Jul-05 09:22:15

Queen Eagle, I also think it is cruel for the playgroup to make the child wait longer than necessary for a soiled nappy to be changed ,if they have to wait for you to arrive, surely thats neglect on their behalf ?

It would be interesting to hear what OFSTED said about that .

bobbybob Sun 31-Jul-05 09:22:47

Ds goes to a playcentre and from next month I would be able to leave him 4 times out of 5 (I would be the helper the other time) if he was potty trained.

But the session is only 2.5 hours and ds simply will not poo unless he is in a certain place in our house (unless he is ill in which case being toilet trained would not be enough to prevent a disaster!)

I am tempted to put him in a pull up and see how long it is until somebody notices and "pulls me up" on this.

rummum Sun 31-Jul-05 10:54:19

Gosh... Pre-schools don't inflict these 'poo' rules.. it comes from higher up. pre-schools are run by committees but we still have to take advice from the local council/LEA... we ask for the children to be in pull-ups... and we do have a pull down nappy changing facility. children in pullups often want to go to the toilet with the other children, This helps them become aware of their bodys and helps to 'potty train' them

Our local nurseries (2.5 sessions every day)are run by our local council/LEA and they call the parents in if the child poo's.. but its not the nurseries that make this rule...

Private day nurseries I wouldn't know about...

As for being cruel to leave the child whilst the parent is called.. often the child couldn't care less! but the smell must be horrible for everyone else!

nailpolish Sun 31-Jul-05 11:05:36

my dd1 starts playgroup next week, she has been toilet trained for about a month now and doesnt have any accidents unless we are out and about (say at a restaurant) and she gets embarrassed telling me she needs a poo, and sometimes therefore hides in a corner and does it in her pants.

shes fine telling me she needs a wee though

i told the playgroup leader this, saying she might be too embarrassed to say she needs a poo until she gets to know you better, she just repied "ach, dont worry, we will watch for the signs, ask her if we think she needs to go, and if she has an accident, no big deal, we will just change her for you" i thought it was lovely of her, they are supposed to be on the childs side after all!

and if they made a big deal of it, it would just make dd1 more reluctant to tell them in the future.

i think any decent person would understand a childs feelings, and help them with accidents etc

plus, she is only there for 3 hrs a day, so out of 24hrs, theres not much chance of her doing a poo at playgroup anyway

bit of a ramble, but i think i was trying to say, surely a nappy is not that big a deal for a playgroup leader???

Fio2 Sun 31-Jul-05 11:08:46

I went to view one nursery and they said if my son still wasnt potty trained by the time he started then he would have to stay in the baby class needless to say he didnt go there and I found a lovely nursery that weremt bothered whether he was potty trained or not. He was actually trained though before he started but I just hate the whole attitude of putting pressure on them like that when they are babies after all

mummydear Sun 31-Jul-05 17:04:51

Regardless as to who makes the rules or guidelines , there appears to be pressure from places to get the children potty trained.

Unfortunately in our area there are alot of private schools with nuseries attached etc , parenst want to send their child to that school but they will not accept them until potty trained, some children are accepted to start at 2 1/2 on the basis that they are trained, I've seen some mums getting themselves in a right state about it. I know that it is a parental choice when going to these priavte schools but its still added pressure.

What other type of Nurseries/playgroups/preschools etc are inflicting these 'not accepted until potty trained'. Or are we expecting our children to start this 'education' too early ?

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