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Psychological fear of doing poo in the potty/toilet - begs for pants

(8 Posts)
PollyParanoia Mon 27-Jul-09 17:39:21

My dd, 2.7, is doing quite well on the wee front and physically is very capable of being trained poo-wise. When she wants to do a poo she hides somewhere, preferably in the garden, does a poo in her pants and then comes and tell us. She giggles a lot at this point but I think that may be a nervous reaction (but v irritating nonetheless as I sluice another pair of pooey pants). She does a poo either daily or sometimes every other day and never at nursery or out so it's no big deal.
To try to get her to poo in the potty we started taking her pants off inside. She begs for pants and even goes off to her bedroom to find some or even her brother's and then poos. This strategy worked once, but this morning she became distressed so we relented. She knows when she wants to poo so I know that she's physically ready but there's obviously this other issue. My ds was a doddle to train as he's very compliant and wasn't really thinking enough to analyse the process.
What should I do? So don't want her to be in therapy later because her parents forced her to poo somewhere that wasn't her pants... Anyone have any experience or coping strategies? I hate myself for getting tetchy with her about it so would be really grateful.

Friendlypizzaeater Mon 27-Jul-09 17:42:21

Some kids are scared of the "plop", try putting he ron the loo/potty and give her a balloon to blow up (I used to blow one up at the same time so it was a race). You use trhe same muscles as having a poo so it just pops out then I used to make a huge happy fuss.


QOD Mon 27-Jul-09 17:42:22

I had this, spoke to a psychologist (my mum was at uni at the time so she nabbed one for me)
They recommended you just go with it. Don't make a fuss, say ok then, hold my hand or stand in the corner (whatever they did to poo when they wore nappies) and let them poo. Then take them in the loo, remove & flush away, keep it all smiley.
She cracked after about 2 weeks and was sooooooooooo less stressed and happy to poo in the potty
ALso, casually told her she would get a big pressie when she started to poo on potty but i didnt go on about it

SarfEast Mon 27-Jul-09 19:19:15

my LO is very similar - seems to prefer to poo standing up rather than sitting down - strange as I thought the squatting position was natural

Hawkmoth Mon 27-Jul-09 19:31:05

DSD will only poo in a nappy, and not very often at that. She can go days and days, to the point where she needs lactulose. You can tell she needs one but if you sit her down on toilet or potty she cries.

Am going to try the corner thing, and then making her watch while putting it down the toilet - sounds like a great tip.

Countingthegreyhairs Mon 27-Jul-09 19:39:18

Hi Polly Paranoia

Just happened to be reading Tanya Bryron's excellent bk "Your child, your way" when I came across yr post and she happens to have a section on this very issue ...

In summary she says if your dc is reluctant to stop pooing in their nappy or trainer pants then take the process very slowly as you run the risk of them 'witholding' if you try and rush it, which leads to bigger probs such as constipation.

She says to view this behaviour as an anxiety of being without the trainer pants and an anxiety of sitting and poo-ing and you have to de-sensitize yr child over time.

The pants feel warm and 'containing' whereas a huge, cold toilet bowl does not, so gradually loosening the pants over time will help by reducing the dc's dependency on having them there to poo.

So her advice is: gently encourage yr dc to sit on the potty as they poo in their pants and then loosen pants very gradually over time until the child is just sitting on the pants which are laid over the potty.

From there you can slowly put less and less of the pants under them until they poo holding on to the pants and then eventually poo freely!!

Hope that helps ....loads more general good advice on toilet training in bk too ... and no I am not Dr Tanya's agent!!

Wallace Mon 27-Jul-09 19:54:09

A tip I read on here is to have a pile of nappies by the toilet to put on when the child needs a poo. And just let them poo in the nappy until they are ready for the toilet.

PollyParanoia Tue 28-Jul-09 14:01:32

OO thanks so much for all these useful strategies. Am going to try them all - balloons, nappies, hand holding, the lot. Everyone is clearly agreed on the importance of not pushing (ahem) the issue and it's a relief to me to chill about it as it is not that much of a hassle really (except when she chooses the eye wateringly expensive petite bateau pants to poo in!)
It is very fascinating though, especially since all those that I know who have had this sort of problem have been the very verbal, advanced ones in all other areas.
Will report on what works...

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