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Will not poo at home

(8 Posts)
lovelybear Sun 17-Apr-05 20:57:18

Hi, my DS is 3 years and 2months. He has been potty trained since he was 3, and so far at nursery he is almost 100%. He attends nursery preschool every day and the preschool department are very keen to ensure the children and clean and dry. He does not have a problem here ! Now at home this is a different story...he has to poo in his pants, he will not use any other facilities other than the nursery toilets. The nursery staff think he is wonderful as he "cracked" it so quickly. I end us using pull ups at home. DS is going to a new school in September.. they must be clean and dry. Any suggestions would be helpful -- should I go cold turkey and ban pull ups unless at bedtime ? How will I get him to be comfortable with the new school facilities ?

Frizbe Sun 17-Apr-05 20:58:58

Shall I ask my mother how she cracked it, apparently I used to run away up the garden and poo in my pants.......how embarrasing dh thinks this is really funny (until we have to train dd soon that is!)

tortoiseshell Sun 17-Apr-05 21:02:37

Stickers? Worked a treat with ds - we just bribed him blatantly, one sticker per poo, when chart was full he got to choose a present. Took a couple of weeks before he got the idea, but is fine now. I was at the point of despair, thinking he would never be able to go to school!

gingernut Sun 17-Apr-05 21:10:31

Frizbe, I did that too apparently .

lovelybear, if it's any consolation, we have just trained our ds1 and had to endure weeks of him pooing in his pants, so you're not alone, although in our case he wouldn't use the loos at nursery or at home. What have you tried so far (e.g. keeping him on the loo for some length of time by reading to him, rewards, star chart?).

The way we finally cracked it with ds was just by taking him to the loo when we thought he might want to poo (after a meal) and reading to him and one day it just happened. Apart from a few accidents thereafter (had to explain to him how to hold it in until he got to the loo when he felt he needed to poo!) he's been fine since (although wees are still a bit of an issue [exasperated emoticon]).

pixiefish Sun 17-Apr-05 21:41:16

Is it because the loos are small at nursery perhaps?

lovelybear Mon 18-Apr-05 20:24:50

I hope the toilets at the new school are small. I also think the pier pressure within the children at preschool could have something to do with his compliance . I guess he wants to do the right thing. My DS is an only one. Do I tell his new school he is 100% 5 days a week at his current preschool ( which he is ?) He does not take to bribes or promises of new toys - just tells me no ! Could I put him on the naughty step for pooing his pants - is that too extreme, he could just rebell ? He needs to know his actions are wrong

gingernut Mon 18-Apr-05 22:46:06

Ahh, our ds1 does not appear to respond to bribery either, but in the end I decided to start a star chart anyway, including weeing and poo-ing, and he got lots of stars for wees (he was still pooing in his pants at the time). He didn't show any interest in it until at the end of a week I counted up the stars with him and said `Oh look how well you've done, you've got enough stars to go out to the shops with us tomorrow and choose a new toy!' (i.e. I didn't decide in advance how many he needed, I decided I'd tell him he had enough, no matter how many he had). Then we took him out and gave him a choice of 2 or 3 cheap cars and he picked one out and was so chuffed. After that, more interest in the star chart. I then kept reminding him how many more stars he'd get if he pooed on the loo too. We also promised him a more expensive, special new toy from the `potty fairy' once he was doing all his wees and poos on the toilet, which he is now apart from some wet accidents so we've just given it to him. We chose something we knew he'd really want and told him what he'd get and showed him a photo of it in a brochure, so he got quite motivated about earning that.

IKWYM about him having to know his actions are wrong - I struggled with this too, he just didn't seem to think it mattered. I did once put him on the naughty step and I did shout at him . I don't know if it made any difference one way or the other TBH.

I think peer pressure does play a role here, ds was dry at nursery almost immediately but not at home for ages. Do you ever have other children round or visit friend's houses? I did feel that ds was taking note of his friends' toilet visits.

BTW, I would stop putting him in the pull-ups, I know it's horrible and you will end up with a mountain of washing, but think it gives the wrong message.

Could it be something to do with privacy? At ds's nursery the workers keep their distance unless the child requests help. Do you stand over him? He may want to be private about it.

Can't think of anything else at the moment.

lovelybear Tue 03-May-05 21:10:32

Hi, some progress, but need a little more.... my DS will now use public toilets when he needs a wee wee and he is finally getting the hang of going at home when he needs to. I have gone cold turkey with him and have banned pull up unless at bedtime. I have reminded him how naughty it is to wee in in pants and on the carpet, which he does seem to understand and says " Not wee on the carpets ". I feel very happy this hurdle is over. I can at least get DS to us school facilities.-- he has an induction in July. Now poo's are another story, he stills thinks he can poo his pants. I have tried star chart. What can I do, he will not sit for long, he likes to be busy and gets carried away with his time. Shall I use the "naughty step " approach each time he makes a mess of his pants ? DS was three in February. I am really worried about the school induction in July. We have a holiday in June and I have decided he must be clean before Middle of June. Do you think I am expecting too much ? Help please ? Does anyone else have experience of schools in this respect.

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