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seriously stressed - only poos in nappies

(10 Posts)
flippingknackered Wed 29-Oct-08 21:39:55

Hi my ds has been toilet trained for a year now but only for wees. He never has an accident and that side is no problem but he will not poo in the toilet only in his nappy. He seems to have developed a fear and anxiety about pooing in the toilet and I don't want to make that anxiety worse but I don't know what to do. The same thing happened with my dd and our policy was to stay relaxed and let her get on with it in her own time so I bought a present as an incentive which she only got when she went on the toilet and she eventually did. However it has been over a year now and he just turned 4 and this tactic is just not working. I am getting more and more stressed and other people are acting really shocked which makes it even worse. I am feeling I need to hide this problem. I also have a baby so his anxieties have been exacerbated as is natural. Please please help

lilysmummy2007 Wed 29-Oct-08 21:57:01

you may just have to go cold turkey on him ie dont put a nappy on at all, if he needs to go he will have no choice but to use the loo, have you tried using a more fun potty instead of the family toilet?

flippingknackered Wed 29-Oct-08 22:04:34

Hi I have considered the cold turkey approach but when I have started to instigate it he gets so anxious and upset I get worried I will cause a phobia, its so hard to know what is the right thing to do and I am so sleep deprived by my baby I cant think straight either. But I appreciate your advice and may take him to choose a new potty. I suspect he is too anxious and strong willed but you never know. Has anyone else had similar problems this late on

ohIdoliketobebesidethe Wed 29-Oct-08 22:09:24

We had this with dd1. She only pooed in her nappy for nearly 18 months (sorry to worry you). She only had a nappy at night and for some months was I think pooing virtually in her sleep. She had phases of constipation which made it painful for her too, poor lamb. She was scared of pain but also of the sensation of it coming out iykwim.

It was really hellish putting up with it and feeling guilty about not having nipped it in the bud because we assumed she'd just grow out of it. In the end we told her there were no nappies left and she had to go to bed in just her pjs. We had one week of doing a star chart for not pooing the bed -this was a disaster as she got consitpated again. Then we did stars for every poo in the potty and kept a potty in her room. We had about 2 weeks of her pooing herself and wetting the bed, often after we'd gone to bed ourselves. We would take her to the bath, shower her down and get her back to a clean bed. It was exhausting. Then some how I think she decided she'd had enough and thereafter the poos in the bed were really accidental and she got good at doing them in the potty. We then moved on to the loo with yet another star chart. She recently asked if she could have a suitcase and basically promised she would poo anywhere I wanted her to as many times as I liked to earn the stars for it! grin

She has now done occasional poos in public places and is really proud of herself for it. Also her poos are much easier for her now - I think they were always hard before from her holding them too long.

I have a friend (now 33) who only pooed in her nappy until she was 5 - but she doesn't now!

I never managed to find any info about it either which was slightly soul destroying.

Is he old enough for you to make a deal with him. Explain how much you want him to use the potty / toilet and offer him a reward of his choice for doing it?

Good luck

ohIdoliketobebesidethe Wed 29-Oct-08 22:11:01

How old is baby? Maybe you'd be better off leaving it a bit longer so that you have more energy to deal with it. Hell, you've come this far, a couple more months won't make any difference.

babbi Thu 30-Oct-08 20:24:16

Sorry , no advice but just wanted to say that my DD (3.4) is the exact same. However , I am not in the least stressed, she will get there in time.
I can understand you feel a bit awkward when people act shocked at him still in a nappy, but please just ignore them or alternatively ask them for a solution as they clearly know all the answers !!
I know it is easy to say but please try not to stress about this as "oh I do..." says her friend is not still doing it at 33 !!

I know my DD and her nature , she likes to get her own confidence about things in her own time. When she is ready she will do it and there will be no looking back !!

Take care and try to get some rest .....

missymum Thu 30-Oct-08 22:04:03

have same prob with my dd and it has been going on for 7months... it is v stressful and very frustrating. will he sit on potty with nappy on? have just got my dd to this stage and plan to gradually try to loosen the nappy..

countingto10 Fri 31-Oct-08 18:44:39

My DS is the same - nearly 4 - and still pooing in his pants/night nappy/floor, anywhere apart from potty/toilet.  Not sure why, he is very wilful and he does not restrict it to me, does it at nursery and for anyone looking after him so, in that respect, not a way of controlling me.

I have no ideas only sympathy - me and DH are tearing our hair out. He's our fourth DS and the only one where this problem has gone on for so long. Nursery tell that he won't being doing it when he goes to school but I'm not so sure.

We have tried bribery, star charts, etc but he really doesn't seem to care which is what bothers me.

I would say though don't try and deal with whilst you are so tired - a few more weeks won't make much difference.

bubblagirl Fri 31-Oct-08 19:02:00

my ds is the same so im now tipping poo into the toilet saying its going swimming

maybe because when they poo we wrap it up bag it and bin it ,it feels like something thats wrong to not be under wraps

my ds is 3.6 i will give him few more onths and then cruel as it sounds i'll leave him to poo on floor make no fuss tell him its ok flush it in the topilet and hope that he too will calm down for now as long as his not constipated im not too worried

apart from that he is dry all day but holds poo until nappy goes on

cyberseraphim Fri 31-Oct-08 19:13:36

I have the same problem - 100 % dry but not very good with poos. He is holding on for 3 days at a time now because he is scared of the toilet. No real answers but hope to get there in the end.

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