We started training dd1 (3.5) over a year ago, she's generally been fine with weeing but pooing always been a problem. We went on holiday in the summer for a week, and while away and after she was briliant, no wet or pooey pants for over 3 weeks, thought we'd cracked it! But since then, she's regressed totally, we're getting through about 4 pairs of pants a day, and it's completely deliberate - she'll sit on the toilet for ages, only to get off and wee/poo in her pants almost straight away or she'll stand and look us straight in the eye while she does it, she's completely aware of what she's doing, and will say she's done it because she wants to make mummy & daddy angry/sad. My husband looks after her & sister while I work, and he's at his wits' end. No amount of being angry / not being angry / ignoring etc makes any difference. Husband last week took her to the GP, they asked for wee sample but I don't know what to expect from that. She said the HV would be in touch, but nothing. What do we do, what could we expect the GP to do? Am out of ideas, and really down about it as it's really affecting our family life, it's the most stressful thing I've ever done!
Been there too. Only way forward is to completely ignore her. Its v v hard. Let her take complete control of when she goes to the toilet, don't ask if she needs wee or poo, just never mention it. If she wees/poos herself, just change her without a word, no expression on your face and don't talk to her about it later. Once she realises that she doesnt get any reaction at all (good or bad) she'll stop doing it. I didn't believe it could work but it does. I think you just have a headstrong dd.
I feel for you. My ds2 is almost 4.3 and still wets himself almost daily. On bad days we are talking anything upto 7 changes of trousers/pants ect. I mentioned it to his paed when we went in June (ds had just turned 4 the week before) and he said that it was not an issue yet, we would discuss it again in Jan 09 when he is 4 1/2.
We are now on the completely ignore him route as well and things have got marginally better with not so many accidents, or even days where he manages to stay pretty much dry, but few and far between. Hopefully it really won't be an issue by the time we go back in Jan.
I have also been there and totaly sympathise with you, it is beyond frustrating. My DS went through this too and we have come out of the other side.
I agree with frazzledbutcalm, ignoring this behaviour is the way to go but it is easier said than done. I found it useful to make no comment at all about what had happened but would then take off his dirty pants, clean him up (all without talking or eye contact) and then tell him to put clean pants on and get himself dressed.
He soon realised that he wasn't getting any reaction and the fact that he had to get himself changed whilst I ignored him, made him realise it wasn't worth it. It won't happen immediately (IMO) but it is worth perservering and being really consistent, she will get there eventually! Good luck, let us know how you get on.