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How do you resist the pressure to potty train?

(16 Posts)
Weegle Wed 27-Aug-08 13:11:16

DS is 2.3. We had a failed attempt at PT a few weeks ago - he clearly didn't have a clue what he was supposed to be doing. Well he did but he was getting distressed over it. And it seemed pointless, especially as he can't do things like his own trousers etc yet so even if he "got" it, it would still be more work for me than nappies. This attempt was completely unknown to anyone except DH.

In the last month 3 of his friends have been trained/woken up and decided to be dry. His cousin also woke up and decided to wear knickers one day and that was it - her brother soon followed suit, directly copying her. Now all I'm getting from family is "so how is X's potty training coming along?", "when are you going to train X?" etc and lots of unasked for advice from those who have successfully trained theirs. I'm desperately trying to resist and wait until DS is ready but I feel this real pressure to try again and stick it for longer/resist tears etc.

How do you resist it? I have been tempted to say "well by all means you're welcome to come and give it a go"!

saladsucks Wed 27-Aug-08 13:13:47

What about "You can't leave it too late" or "when he's ready"?

Legoleia Wed 27-Aug-08 13:14:07

Just say you're waiting until DS shows some signs of interest. No point stressing him (an dyou) out about it - it'll happen when he's ready, either way.

Shitehawk Wed 27-Aug-08 13:14:47

Nowt so smug as someone whose child can do something yours can't, is there!

You just smile sweetly and say "He's just not ready yet, and we prefer to wait until he is". Then change the subject and refuse to be drawn.

There's no point in even trying until he's ready; you could give in to the pressure to potty train him but until he's ready you'd be on a hiding to nothing.

ajm200 Wed 27-Aug-08 13:16:59

You do what it best for you and your child and ignore what others are doing.

My son decided to start using the potty by himself at 18 months and can't pull his pants or trousers down so I do have to watch him closely and assist. I'm 32 weeks pregnant and ill so I'd love to leave him in a nappy for convenience but he gets distressed. When he has a poorly tummy a few weeks ago, he'd sit on the potty in his nappy, do his stuff, then bring the empty potty to me saying "mama, wee wee or poo poo" depending on what he'd done in his nappy then get distressed because he was wet/dirty so nappies aren't an option here.

If you aren't ready to potty train your DS and he's not bothered about being in wet or dirty nappies, do what suits you.

Niecie Wed 27-Aug-08 13:18:54

Stick your fingers in your ears and hum!

Sorry - shouldn't be flippant but they are ready when they are ready. DS1 was potty trained at 3.3 yrs and DS2 at 3.7 yrsshock

DS1 probably wasn't ready although DS2 was only 4 weeks old when I did it and I had been putting it off for about 3 mths due to imminent and then tiny new baby. DS2 was incrediably stubborn and I waited until I could stand to pick my battles. Both were trained within a week and very very few accidents ever with either of them - it shouldn't be a hard slog over several weeks.

2.3 is young for a boy to be trained ime - I don't think you are wrong to want to spare yourself. Just tell them he isn't ready yet and there is no hurry. Practice saying it in a tone of voice that won't stand for any argument.

Good luck.smile

CapricaSix Wed 27-Aug-08 13:20:17

Hold onto the thought that you are doing what YOU believe is BEST for YOUR child and ignore all comments.

nell12 Wed 27-Aug-08 13:20:53

I had this with my monstermother-in-law. Ds was really late potty training (gone 3) he basically had far better things to do than stop playing and sit on the toilet.

I had tried and failed and was at the "he will do it when he is ready" stage. My MIL however knew better and when she looked after him for a week whilst I went away to visit dh (stationed overseas) the mil announced that she would "sort ds out in no time"

I just smiled in a saintly way, kissed ds goodbye and left.

She lasted 2 days and went through 15 pairs of pants before she admitted defeat grin. The subject was not mentioned (in my presence) again!

StarlightMcKenzie Wed 27-Aug-08 13:34:33

Message withdrawn

gladders Wed 27-Aug-08 13:41:11

2.3 still quite young -especially for a boy... think ds was 2.9?

really no one's business when you're planning to try - i'd just stick to something vague and non-comittal and then ds can surprise them all by using the lool when he's ready!

DebitheScot Wed 27-Aug-08 13:41:59

My ds is 2.4 and nowhere near ready but luckily I haven't felt any pressure from anyone else about it. He can't pull his own trousers down so even if he was telling me when he needed to go it'd be a bit of a non starter. I don't want the hassle of doing it at the moment anyway (39 wks pg, other things to worry about). It's certainly nothing to do with intelligence, for his age my ds has very good speech and understanding (I'm not saying that to show off, just to put it into context) but as I say, he's nowhere near ready for potty training.
2.3 is very young for boys to be potty training. Do any of your ds's friends have older siblings? I think they might want to do it younger as they see their big bro/sis going to the toilet and wearing pants and so want to copy.

And did you know that in order to be dry at night (I know that's a fair time after dry during the day but this is good to know) a hormone needs to be released by your body telling your bladder that you are asleep and so not to pee yet (hence we last a lot longer at night without peeing than during the day). Well this hormone is not produced and released as early in boys as it is in girls.

horseymum Wed 27-Aug-08 14:18:06

just a thought, they do not need to be able to do own trousers etc to have a go at sitting on potty. Maybe you could introduce it at a low stress time of day, like just before a bath. Start off with a reward for sitting on it with bare bum for a few seconds, progress to have a short story. totally praise any wees but don't stress about it any other time of day, keeping nappies on as normal. carry on with that for a while till you feel/he feels ready to try another step, maybe sitting on it first thing in the morning. i don't know if the boot camp version of training is for everyone, particularly if he has been stressed before. you do not need to discuss it with anyone else either!

Weegle Wed 27-Aug-08 14:29:23

Thanks all - I feel reassured!

horseymum we do have lots of stress free potty time. In fact he will, a few times a week, ask for, and use, the potty. Our first morning of trying was extremely successful but then he got bored and he hated being hassled, he didn't want stickers, and he was crying "I'm a baby, I want to wear a nappy". I think physically he might be ready (wees anyway) but mentally I don't think he's ready at all.

hattyyellow Wed 27-Aug-08 14:30:51

Just keep smiling sweetly. My mum kept going on and on about other peoples toddlers who were trained at 2. My twins really weren't ready until they were 2.8, but as soon as they were ready it was very quick and they have progressed onto using the loo really quickly.

We kept thinking we should try and did so at 2, 2.4, 2.6 but we got frustrated and they got frustrated and it didn't seem to be getting any of us anywhere! It really is true that they know when they're ready and there's no golden age where every child is at the right place to be trained.

As soon as they were trained I started discovering people whose children were 2.8 and up who still weren't trained - they'd always been there, I'd just concentrated on the friends and family who'd done it earlier than us rather than looking at the equal amount who were in the same boat!

feetheart Wed 27-Aug-08 14:43:55

I was definitely part of the 'fingers in the ears, la, la, la school of potty training' as all (the girls) around us donned pants and DS wasn't interested at all.
We always had a potty around and he would wee in the toilet before a bath (so that 5.6 DD couldn't get him to stand up and pee in the bath shock) but he was not doing anything else, always resisted when pants were suggested.
At 2.7 we got a bag of hand-me-down clothes including some 5-6yr pants, he put them on there and then and that was it. We had about 3 wee accidents and 1 poo one in the first week but none since. Totally sorted, totally on his own terms and it was easy peasy smile

DO NOT stress yourself or DS out unnecessarily, definitely not worth it.
HTH

ches Thu 28-Aug-08 03:37:33

If he's using the potty happily I think you're quite within rights to say "Potty training is going splendidly, thank you." grin

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