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Can you potty train a late talker?

(15 Posts)
lingle Mon 18-Aug-08 21:21:32

DS2 is coming up to his third birthday. He's a cutie, but also a late talker - both his speech and understanding are about six months behind the average boy, and about 9 months behind the average girl, I'd say.

He announces "I've pooed", knows what a potty is, has observed DS1 using the toilet and the potty (to show him) sat on the potty once but had no interest in doing it again.
At nursery they get him to sit on the potty for a minute or two at change time - he's much more obedient there!

I can't say "do this then we'll go to the park" or anything complicated like that.

Part of me thinks "he's nearly three, he's going to pre-school, he ought to do it now, I ought to have faith he can do it" but part of me thinks we should concentrate on his speech and not create more tricky areas of his life than we already have.

I could bribe him with television (we've basically turned it off for August so we can spend more time on play that helps with the speech). But it would be rubbish if we went back to tantrums about demanding tv......

Any thoughts?

gagarin Mon 18-Aug-08 21:25:13

until he says "I'm going to poo" I think you'd be lucky!

leave him be grin

spudballoo Mon 18-Aug-08 21:25:45

I think I'd leave it for a bit. No big shakes. I've just trained DS1, about to turn 3 too, also quite late talker...he didnt' say a word until he was 18mths. I wasn't at all sure he was ready, he has never EVER told me he's done a poo, about to do one, same with wee. But gave it a go as he was doing ok at nursery.

It took 3 weeks and was 'ok'. But I really wasn't at all bothered. I wouldn't have been at all anxious if he was 3.5 and still in nappies. To be honest I was quite surprised he did it.

Equally we can't do anything complicated like 'if you do this, then this xyz'.

I bribed mine with TV a bit! So if you're doing great on the speech with tv off then I'd leave it, and just focus on one thing at a time.


pinkspottywellies Mon 18-Aug-08 21:42:37

I know someone with a girl who trained herself at 16 months but is only just talking at nearly 3. So I would say it's not really relevant whether or not if he's talking, just if he's ready to understand the whole toilet thing.

My friend's dd would just pull her trousers down to let her mum know she was ready to go.

Talking and potty training will come when he's ready smile

justaboutagrownup Mon 18-Aug-08 21:46:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lingle Mon 18-Aug-08 21:56:23

thanks guys. wow, just rereading my OP I see how much this is really about the bloody talking, not the potty training.....

ah well, we've been having far fewer tantrums recently, he seems to understand more and not be living in a "foreign country" so much.

NotAnOtter Mon 18-Aug-08 22:02:27

my ds4 is a slowish talker was dry day by 2 and now just 2.5 night as well

his speeech belies his comprehension ..go for it

raggety Mon 18-Aug-08 22:02:28

dd was late to talk and I finally potty-trained her at 3.2. I don't think ability to talk is that important as it is something they learn by experience IYSWIM. The trick for me was making myself do it instead of putting it off. I waited for a holiday when we had plenty of time together and just went for it, lots of accidents, lots of praise and bribery, reward chart. After about four days, she had it licked (unfortunate choice of phrase!! grin).

lingle Mon 18-Aug-08 22:15:46

really helpful to talk about this.

I think Raggety is right - I'm busy with work just now (work from home) so am I really going to make myself do it or would I just create stress for no good reason?

Truth is I am embarrassed that he isn't trained. And am not proud to be embarrassed but there it is.

ches Tue 19-Aug-08 00:27:00

When we started the most my DS could do was point. There's no correlation between talking and being PT. Children do things at different times and being 6 months behind the average is about as remarkable as being 6 months ahead: still within the range of normal. If he can understand about the TV, he can certainly understand about PT. I think that the parents have to be ready more so than the child. The younger they are, the longer it'll take, but they all get there in the end, as long as the process actually starts. wink

nappyaddict Tue 19-Aug-08 02:30:33

i think it depends. if they are behind with talking and understanding it might be harder. whereas some late talkers understand loads and they would probably be ok.

Shells Tue 19-Aug-08 02:46:43

I'm with nappyaddict. My DS is only just trained and he's 4 and half. But is significantly speech delayed and disorded. His understanding has always been poor.

The speech has been more important than the potty to us. Try not to be embarrassed. Much worse to be having messy accidents all the time than just leaving it til he's ready to understand.

Good luck.

belgo Tue 19-Aug-08 06:33:19

DD1 was a late talker - she didn't say her first words until age 18 months, but she was potty trained at 23 months. She's still behind at age 4 and a half, but she is gradually catching up. She'll probably have speech therapy next year.

Don't really think potty training has got much to do with talking - certainly don't worry that it will be too much for him to cope with.

As for saying something complicated like 'do this then we'll go to the park' - you don't necessarily have to keep your speech too simple. I kept my speech very simple with dd1, and of course she wasn't learning anything more complicated, because she was never hearing it!

ChopsTheDuck Tue 19-Aug-08 07:58:44

I think its still early to be really worrying. My DTs didn't learn until after 3, and they had average speech development.
Speech really doesn't matter. Ds1 has sn and didn't have his first words until 2 but still potty trained soon after. The potty was accessible and I'd watch for signs he needed to go so lack of speech didn't come into it.
I think the most important think is waiting until they are completely ready and willing, then it is easy and stress free. Trying to push it is futile.

EachPeachPearMum Tue 19-Aug-08 11:55:19

All he needs to be able to say is 'Wee, Mama' and 'Poo, Mama'.
DD just told me 'No Nappy, no nappy, no nappy'- I soon got the message grin
One day of accidents, and then no more.
My friend didn't speak until 5, but he was out of nappies years before that.
Don't do any bribes- using the potty/toilet is part of growing up, he doesn't need bribes for that.

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