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Is my 4 year old still not ready to be dry at night? Advice please

(18 Posts)
egypt Sun 20-Jul-08 03:18:30

DD was dry in the day from 2. She is now just 4. She is determined to not wear pull-ups at night so we leave them off. This has been happening on and off for months. However, she will always wet the bed in her sleep.

This time, I thought I would give her a week. She happily goes to the toilet independently before she is asleep, (whereas before she would just lazily wee in her pull-ups). But, when she IS asleep she still wees. And doesn't realise. Does NOT wake up. In the morning she will deny that she is wet and still insists that she doesn't need pull-ups. I don't know what to do. After one week of wetting herself whilst asleep, and not realising, and me washing sheets daily - I gave up and last night, when she WAS asleep, put a pull-up on her.

This morning she was q upset with me for doing that. Understandably. I kindly showed her that the pull-up was wet, and explained that she did it in her sleep. She looked shocked.

Is it just that she isn't ready? Her body won't wake her when she needs to wee and in time it will, perhaps?

Only thing is, she WANTS them off! argh

egypt Sun 20-Jul-08 06:43:59

oh and some nights I lifted her, some I didn't. Made no difference.

CoteDAzur Sun 20-Jul-08 06:54:22

A friend solved her DD's nightwetting by lifting her to pee at 3 AM, then 10 mins later every night until they reached child's normal waking time.

egypt Sun 20-Jul-08 07:00:06

wow really. I lift her at about 10 or 11. Q often she is wet by then. May have to try that then. Gawd, still getting up in the night with dd2!

CoteDAzur Sun 20-Jul-08 07:12:40

Does she have a glass of milk or juice before bed? It is unusual to wet bed that early in the night, I think.

Nighbynight Sun 20-Jul-08 07:15:59

My children weren't dry until they were around 9 years old. they get it from their fathers side apparentlysmile

I would treat it as no big deal, but try and get the pullups on her, to make life easier for everyone.

merryandmad Sun 20-Jul-08 07:21:43

We used continence type sheets on DD's bed when trying to get her out of pull ups.
Think pampers change mats, or the type the gave you in hospital after birth etc and a waterproof sheet underneath her normal sheet.
This way you don't have to change the whole bed, just wip it from underneath her.
I know this isn't ideal- but if she really won't wear pull ups it might be worth thinking off

LIZS Sun 20-Jul-08 07:22:16

lots of kids aren't dry at night at 4. Some simply aren't ready as they can't register the sensation of needing to go but this can suddenly change. Apparently there is a hormone which kicks in but think some simply sleep too soundly. tbh I don't think lifting or limiting drinks (apart from obvious triggers - we found apple juice to be one)- work unless they are physically ready anyway and can create unnecessary work.

egypt Sun 20-Jul-08 09:21:32

thanks a lot

personally, I'd just like to keep putting the pull-ups on her in her sleep and hope she one day wakes dry. I just don't want to stop her becoming dry by putting them on iykwim.

I don't think you can buy those bed mat things here (Singapore) but will have a look. I think she may well move too much and come off it anyway. I have a waterproof sheet on the mattress, then her fitted sheet, then a smaller waterproof top sheet which she lies on. Her duvet cover is all she uses as a blanket, but of course that gets soaked too, so am washing and drying a duvet cover and the top cover thing everyday.

I too am unsure about lifting. Isn't it teaching them to wee in their sleep? DD does remember me taking her to the loo though, so perhaps the link is just with the toilet not the bed. She certainly drinks loads of milk. Can't/won't stop that, it is her bedtime comfort. Anyway, I drink half a bottle of wine, doesn't stop me waking when I need a wee!

I guess she's not ready, which I don't mind, no rush for me. Just that she really wants to be out of them.

egypt Sun 20-Jul-08 13:57:32

bumping for the pm crowd

just in case

ches Sun 20-Jul-08 16:47:13

My friend's 3yo daughter used to wet every night around 11/midnight despite putting her on the potty. We realised we were teaching her to wee in her sleep and that the cup of water at bedtime was not helping. We stopped the cup of water and the bed wetting stopped immediately. You can still give milk but shift it 15 min earlier every few days. We did cold turkey - half an hour crying the first night, 5 min the second and a happy "nite nite" the third. To cut back on laundry you can try a towel over the water-proof sheet. To help her come to terms with a pullup at bedtime you can put one on a doll/teddy and praise teddy/doll for wearing it to bed.

CoteDAzur Mon 21-Jul-08 07:43:43

DD used to have a bottle of milk just before bed. I started giving it to her 2 hours before and bedwetting stopped.

At age 4, your DD can find 'bedtime comfort' in stories, hugs, songs, etc. Avoid the bottle of milk right before bedtime and you might find that she stops wetting the bed.

piratecat Mon 21-Jul-08 07:53:04

my dd is now 6 and is still soaked at night.

i use pull ups. I tried lifting her, at about 2 in the morning. This just taught her to wee in the night. Weeing in the night is ok, if you have the signal to get up/ and the urge control has kicked in. Yet even whilst lifing she would still be really wet in the morning.

I am just hoping, but not on tenterhooks about it that it will come naturally.

I see that your dd doesn't want the pullups, and is prob trying to be a bigger girl, and to please you. She may well end up asking for a pullup, if she discovers one on her inthe mornings.
!!

I know of lots of kids who are not dry at 4.

LoveMyGirls Mon 21-Jul-08 07:55:09

I think if your dd doesnt want to wear pull ups but can't help wetting the bed then your only option left is to stop the milk (give it at other times obviously dont just stop it) Do it for a week and see if it helps?

egypt Tue 22-Jul-08 02:22:16

There would be hell to pay if I stopped the milk, but you areprob right, perhaps I should try. But, if the signal in her brain is there to tell her wake she will wake. If it's not, she won't. If she is dry it will be because she didn't have a drink, not because her signals have kicked in to wake her iyswim.

Anyway, the last couple of nights she has had a pullup put on after asleep. She hasn't complained in the morning! Perhaps carry on with this for now as she's not complaining and is happy enough to go to the loo umpteen times before sleep.

I'll try and tackle it again when she decides I'm a cow for putting them on again.

Why does my mum tell me and my sister were dry by 18 months?!!

Was everyone biologically different then? grin

hellish Tue 22-Jul-08 03:50:51

my dd is 6 - i lift her at 11ish and she usually makes it through the night, but never wakes to wee.

I'm wondering if we should go back to pullups, the washing is driving me crazy.

piratecat Tue 22-Jul-08 07:48:02

i just don't think the hormone has kicked in yet, the one that naturally sends the signal to the brain.

NIghbynight said

''My children weren't dry until they were around 9 years old.''

I tried stopping the drink, and it didn't work. In fact I think she has a hidden hump!!

marvelmummy Tue 22-Jul-08 07:55:57

4 is not too old to still be wetting the bed, I have children of 5, 7 and 9 who still wet the bed and the medical community won't even considerit as a problem until the child is 7, and even then they will most often leave it for a bit longer.

Your daughter not wanting to wear pull ups it quite a common problem, I think it depends on the child's reasoning about the pullup / nappy: whether they just view it as a pull up / nappy and that's that, or whether they can see the reason behind it and are more open to the use of nighttme "protection"
Both my 5 and 7 year olds will wear a nappy to bed yet strangley it is my 5 year old which makes the most fuss about it and will quite often wear a pull up instead.
If you are having trouble with your 4 year old then do what I did with my 9 year old:

If they refuse to wear a pull up and make the bed wet as a result then the next night after she has fallen asleep put a proper nappy on her and tape it on so that if she wakes up she can't remove it! Then tell her if she doesn't wear pull ups and wets then she'll find herself in proper nappies at night.
It seems harsh but I did this with my 9 year old and after waking up finding himself in a baby's nappy he quickly agreed to wear pull ups.

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