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Advice needed! 100% success with wees, 0% with poos - Going spare!!

(20 Posts)
Ringrosey Tue 08-Jul-08 15:10:11

Anyone got any tips? I've really lost it this afternoon and have had to plonk him in front of CBeebies to avoid saying (shouting!) something I'd regret.

DS is 3 and this is week 3 of second time trying. It started so well with the wees, and he's even been dry at pre-school this week. Just every single poo is in his pants and I don't understand why. He doesn't seem worried or embarrassed - just carries on playing where he is, with the poo in his pants!!Sooo frustrating!!

Please help, I'm really struggling to stay cool about this now and don't want to turn into a nasty raging witch, which is how I'm feeling right now...

(Sorry, did do quick search of existing chats, but this seems quite specific and with DS2 on the move as of last week, limited time to hunt!!)

DettaJnr Tue 08-Jul-08 18:50:53

A friend of mine had this problem with her DD1 (I won't tell you for how long...). In the end bribery worked.

I used to look for the signs (like you've got nothing else to do) of them needing one. Sometimes they go into a corner/go quiet/make a face. Then it would be game of how long it would take to get to the toilet. When its done my children like to look at their's and flush the toilet themselves. In the beginning we had a chart beside the toilet with stickers and if they did one in the toilet they got to put a sticker on the chart. HTH

Ringrosey Wed 09-Jul-08 11:58:13

Thanks DettaJnr. I think we've got the bribery angle covered (so many promises!), but I haven't tried the chart yet this time, so might give that a go. DS1 doesn't go anywhere, but he definitely goes quiet and makes a face, so it's just a case of spotting it! Given the glorious weather forecast for this afternoon, I think I'll try and stick with him today and see if I can catch it/him! Only concern with that is managing my head and ensuring it doesn't become the entire focus of my afternoon, with consequent mental traumas if I miss it!!

Fingers crossed and thanks for your thoughts.

Mumsnut Wed 09-Jul-08 12:01:59

I knew this would be about a DS without opening it!

Mine was 4 before he would put a poo in the loo. We compromised - he would ask for a nappy and poo in it, and be in pants for the rest of the time. HV recommended thta we get him to sit on the loo in his nappy while he produced - this seemed to help with the eventual transition to no anppy.

Ringrosey Wed 09-Jul-08 12:53:33

Yes, Mumsnut, I knew boys were likely to be harder and I've heard a few horror stories (sister's friend had a boy of 5 still doing poohs in his pants at school!). I actually started worrying about this stage when I found out I was having a boy!! So I guess I was never likely to be able to keep things in perspective when it actually came down to it. Still I thought I was doing reasonably well til this last week when he's clearly got it completely sorted with the wees and yet isn't the slightest bit worried about poos.

I'd thought it was just a matter of leaving it late enough for them to 'get it' quickly. Had never imagined that he might get it for one, and really not get it at all for the other!

If we don't make any progress this week, I might give him the nappy option. Seems like a step back, but I don't think I can face many more hideous pants!!

Ringrosey Wed 09-Jul-08 15:18:38

Another poo in the pants. Don't feel so angry today, but sooooo frustrated. Have been playing together since lunchtime and he'd done 2 wees in the potty. Just left him to put DS2 down for his nap and he came to DS2's room (to tell me?) and I could smell it. He looked quite sheepish, but that may have been worry after my temper tantrum yesterday...

Oh well. At least it's roughly the same time as the last two, so if I sit with him again from 3pm tomorrow... Just have the feeling it won't come for as long as I'm with him... which means he's in control, but not willing... Poo, poo, poo, poo!!

Going to sit and make a chart together now, and will put the promised toy truck on the loo top for tomorrow and see how we do...

Spaceman Wed 09-Jul-08 15:30:00

My DD was wee trained at 2 yrs 3 months and not poo trained for a further SIX MONTHS. She would wait every night for us to wash her and put her night nappy on and say goodnight and then a little voice at the top of the stairs would say 'mum, I've done a poo'. So one of us would have to go up again, wash her put another nappy on etc etc. It went on and on and if we didn't put nappy on she'd just do it on the floor or her bed. If it was the daytime and she went in her pants (it didn't happen at all often thankfully as she was pretty regular at bed time) I'd leave her in it for a while so she could 'feel it' but she never really batted an eyelid. I remember saying to her 'don't you mind you've got a big poo in your pants,' and she just said 'nah'. Of course she eventually got it, but it was MONTHS after her initial potty training. Sorry no advice except I feel your pain.

Ringrosey Wed 09-Jul-08 15:35:00

Bless you Spaceman! Really hope we don't have to go 6 months shock. Any idea at all why she finally got it? Maybe it really is just a matter of waiting...

Off to make the chart now...

squeaver Wed 09-Jul-08 15:47:06

We were six months of poos in the pants too (dd - so it's not just boys!)

Bribery worked for us. Say no more treats (biscuits, choc buttons whatever constitutes a treat in your house) and completely withdraw them. Whenever there's an occasion when he would get a treat just say calmly "no you'll get one when you do a poo in the toilet". When he does a poo in his pants, clean it up and change him calmly, without getting upset (this is absolutely the hardest part!!) and say "oh well, when you do a poo in the potty you'll get a choc button". It might take a while (nearly 2 weeks for us) but he will finally get the message.

Good luck with it.

justhavingamoan Wed 09-Jul-08 16:00:10

take a look here: my ds thread

nannyL Wed 09-Jul-08 18:17:33

my charge is 2.10

been potty training for 6 weeks.... mastered wees in a week

we had our first whole poo in toilet (ie none in pants at all) today (about an hour ago grin grin grin!)

this was the third ever poo to make it into the toilet.... 1st being day 3 of pottty training, 2nd being night before last....

just keep going... they will get it eventually!

Good luck and i KNOW how frustrating it is!

Ringrosey Thu 10-Jul-08 13:28:39

Congratulations nannyL !! I can only imagine the euphoria - I think I'll be shouting from the rooftops, or at least out in the garden! 6 weeks though... guess if I set my expectations to something similar, I might not find each day so stressful... I was much better yesterday though - just after reading this and knowing it's not just me/us!!

Thanks jham for your link - wish I'd found that thread a few days ago! Glad your DS is ok now - no regression? Am pretty positive DS1 is not constipated (fruit and fibre is his cereal of choice!). Will give Neolara's plan a go and see how we get on...

neolara Thu 10-Jul-08 13:37:09

Hope the plan works for you! On reflection, I think what worked for us was to be super-calm. Any chink in my zen like aura, and my DD went in for the kill with pooey pants.

Good luck! I'd be interested to know how you get on.

Yingers74 Thu 10-Jul-08 16:49:28

Ring - I am also having the same prob with my dd2. She is good with wees but poos are another matter, so far bribery not working! Have had one incident of having to wash the carpet so am less angry when it is just in the knickers!

Ringrosey Thu 10-Jul-08 17:43:30

God Yingers - hope that never happens! Don't know about your DD, but DS1's poos are not easy pick-ups, if you know what I mean!!

No success again today. Usually go to playgroup from 2-3pm, then on to park. Decided today would come straight back to 'poo-watch', but had lunch a bit earlier and he did his poo in his pants before we left the house to go to playgroup! Following Neolara's advice, I kept calm (on the surface, at least!) and told him to let me know when he wanted changing. 20 mins later I'd finished hanging the washing and he still wasn't bothered! I wanted to go, but couldn't take him out as he was, so I suggested we go and get changed.

Again, followed NL's advice and got him to take his things off and try and clean himself. I was trying to deal with his pants over the toilet but in hindsight I think that was a mistake as he was watching and asking lots of delightful questions, so he got a bit more attention out of that part than I'd intended!

Ringrosey Mon 14-Jul-08 08:04:37

Not a good weekend! 3 poos in pants, 1 on the floor. Tried to stick with the Zen calm thing, but dh struggled with the concept and I came back from shopping on my own on Sunday (oh, the freedom!!) to find ds1 crying on the naughty step while dh was cleaning pants!!

Had to have words with dh as I had specifically talked to him about what I was trying to do and had offered to show him this thread.. "But I'd just asked him if he wanted to go and he said No!!" Couldn't get too cross because I knew exactly how he felt, and at least he understands better now what it's like wink.

Bought some pull-ups yesterday. Feels like a backward step but there's only so many filthy pants you can clean and stay sane, I suspect. I'm thinking of using them after lunch, just until he's done the deed. Good idea? Bad idea?!

Another week, another prayer...

nannyL Mon 14-Jul-08 08:23:14

do NOT go back to pull-ups

go to asda and by a big pack of cheap pants....

THROW THEM AWAY when diry thinking to yourself these only cost about he same amount as a size 6 nappy anyway!

DontCallMeBaby Mon 14-Jul-08 09:01:25

I'm not so sure the Zen calm is always the way to go - second-hand anecdote, so feel free to ignore, of course, but here goes: when my friend's son was 2 and dry but not clean, she made sure to be very calm and matter-of-fact when he had an 'accident'. She sorted him out, gently cleaned him up. Then one day, she ASKED him why he kept pooing in his pants. It turned out he just couldn't be bothered to go to the loo ... so she read him the riot act, cleaned him up in a far more perfunctory manner, and he finally got the message that what he was doing was NOT alright, and started using the loo.

Not to say that just losing it is the answer, but maybe a focussed burst of 'you are three, not a baby, you know what to do, you are chosing not to do it, this is not good enough' could get the message across. That's if you think he has sufficient control, of course, and the accidents are not entirely accidental.

(and if you do end up going into fishwife mode, erm, there was a lot of that went into getting DD clean blush and she doesn't seem to have sustained any lasting damage]

Ringrosey Mon 14-Jul-08 11:57:46

Much better idea, nannyL! Don't know why I didn't think of that - guess it's because I was already feeling guilty about the couple of pairs I'd already thrown away!! Trying so hard at this eco-friendly, recycling thing - but pull-ups are hardly eco friendly either!! Doh. Will do as you sensibly suggest.

DCMB - the eternal dilemma! Cross or understanding? I was cross for the first few days, but that didn't seem to work either and it was starting to affect a lot of our time together and I started to feel guilty...

It would be so much easier if I did understand what the problem is. He is 3 and I think he ought to understand (he seems pretty bright generally and he's got the wee thing sussed), but he's usually such a good boy - not often willfully naughty (though he's no angel either!), so I was thinking there must be more to it - whether that's lack of control or fear of some kind...

Ringrosey Thu 17-Jul-08 17:00:43

SUCCESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First poo in the potty today grin. I was soooooo excited/relieved!! Just took himself off and did it! I danced, sang, got out the smarties, promised an ice-cream, rang DH, G&G, Auntie and texted picture to best mate (feel a bit embarrassed about that one now blush!!).

Only thing different today was I'd said he could watch CBeebies after lunch / before playgroup but made him promise if he felt a poo coming he would make sure to get out of sitting room (ie. off sofa and only carpet in house!), even if he didn't want to use the potty. I put the potty in sight, just the other side of the doorway. 10 mins later he called to say he'd done it!!

I know there are likely to be lots more accidents, but at least I can see some light at the end of the tunnel now.

Thanks all for your comments and support grin!!

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