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late potty training

(20 Posts)
webmum Mon 10-Jan-05 11:42:23

I desperately need help!
DD1 is 4 in May and is starting school in sept but is still in nappies!

She knows when she needs to go, but will not abandon her nappy. We had a few nappyfree weeks in the summer on holiday, but it came to going to nursery, she insisted on wearing a nappy. I did not want to make a big issue of it as I thought forcing her might be counterproductive, and she was still wearing pants when at home, (she was at nursery for 3.5 days a week), instead she gradually started wearing nappies again all the time....

we've had a couple of occasions when being out and needing a change I did not have a nappy with me and she remained without and did not have accidents, still she refuses to go on the toilet/potty.

She can't got o school in nappies so I'll have to do something about this soonish, but have no idea how to go about it. Whether to just stop buying nappies and saying no more, or somehow try to convince her...bear in mind, star charts or promises of big treats do not work with her, nor does peer pressure, she couldn't care less that she's the only one of her friends still in nappies!

She says she's a big girl when it suits her, but returns to being a baby, whenever she wants nappies/dummy anything we say its 'babyish'. she is very stubborn and is not easily convinced!

Any help is greatly appreciated, or I'll end up just forcing her, and I'm afraid this will put her off school (which I don't want obviously)

starlover Mon 10-Jan-05 13:54:39

Personally I would just stop the nappies.
Tell her that when she goes to big school she can't wear them because no-one will change them for her.
You could also talk to her nursery who can re-iterate this for you, and tell her that now she is a big girl she needs to wear her pants to nursery to get ready for going to big school.
Perhaps when you are buying her school uniform you could get some special "school pants" for her to wear?

blossom2 Mon 10-Jan-05 19:15:46

you've probably tried this, but what about doing a special shopping trip with DD to buy some knickers.

my DD is 2yrs10mths and loved the idea today - picked out the pink ones of course and insisted on telling everyone in the shop they were her knickers

Merlin Mon 10-Jan-05 19:20:26

Agree with starlover. Stop buying nappies, let her choose some pants she likes and stick to your guns!! My DS was very stubborn about going into pants but I just had to take a hard line with him and in quite a short space of time he realised I meant business. Also if you get the nursery to support you in this, I'm sure that would make a difference - seeing her friends there using the toilet etc.

It may be difficult for a short while, but it is one of those things you just have to grit your teeth and get on with it!!!!`

pupuce Mon 10-Jan-05 19:37:44

Agree with others... if the issue is her attitude not her aptitude than BE THE PARENT....

Yurtgirl Mon 10-Jan-05 20:00:55

Message withdrawn

Lonelymum Mon 10-Jan-05 20:09:43

My dd (4) started school last September and was so keen to go she was talking about it for months beforehand (mind yu, she has two older brothers there already so perhaps she had more reason to be keen to go than your dd). Anyway, wild horses wouldn't have stopped her from going. If your dd feels anything like the same way about it as my dd, that should be incentive enough for her. You need to explain in very clear terms that there is no way the school will let her start if she is still wearing nappies. Then, do as others have already suggested and simply stop buying them. The worst that will happen will be that you will have some puddles to mop up for a few days but it sounds like you won't even have too many of those as I think she is perfectly able to control her weeing.

Furball Mon 10-Jan-05 20:30:44

Why not say as she's such a big grown up girl that the shops don't sell her size nappies. So the best thing for you both to do would be to go to the big girl pants shop and choose some special pants. Making it sound really exciting and special.

slug Tue 11-Jan-05 19:03:40

Yup, sounds like the sluglet. Perfectly capable but just a tad too fond of the security nappies provide. I bit the bullet and got her a star chart. Initially I didn't hold out much hope, having tried just about everything else, but this combined with the fashion alternatives big girl's knickers provide, within a week it was all sorted.

webmum Thu 13-Jan-05 10:35:47

Thanks for the suggestions, some already tried, we do ahve knickers in all colours and shapes and everything, but she doesn't ive in to this kind of tricks, I tried saying that she won't be allowed nappies at school and her reply was, then I don't like big school!!

She also doesn't like if we make a big deal of it, (which is why the star chart might not work), on one occasion we were at a friends house and she told me she needed a wee and she went on the toilet and I said 'welldone', and she went all grumpy and sai 'don't say well done'..she later explained to me that she didn't want to go on the potty at nursery because the staff would clap and laugh.. I wasn'yt sure what to amke of it, but I decided to try and be as neutral as possible about the whole thing hoping she would get there herself, but after reading your comments, I think she might need a bit of a push...I just need to decide whent to take the plunge!!!

Thanks very much for your help!!

webmum Thu 13-Jan-05 10:39:58


unfortunately we do not have older siblings, and she has mixed feelings about going to school, on one side she finds it appealing, but at the same time, she's (understandably) scared as she says she doesn't know anyone there vs her nursery where she's been for almost 3 years now!

Also the fact that I've recently had a baby doesn't help make her want to be more grown up!!

foxinsocks Thu 13-Jan-05 10:41:14

webmum, I would definitely have a word with the nursery then. My dd hates having a fuss made and would have been quite annoyed if we clapped and made a huge fuss when training her (don't know why, I think some children just don't like the centre of attention thing!). I would tell nursery this - she probably will just get on with it herself by the sounds of it - and ask them not to make a huge public fuss about her using the potty. You'll probably find she'll just sort herself out in a few days - she sound like she's very well organised to me!

webmum Thu 13-Jan-05 10:51:24

Thanks fgoxinsoxks,

I have already told them, and asked them to stop mentioning the potty to her for a bit, (they alweays asjked if she wanted to go at every nappy change. This was a good 3-4 months ago, and nothing has happened since.

I am quite convinced that having tried being without nappies she prefers them as she can do her business anytime anyplace, without anyone knowing and most of all without having to interrupt whatever she's doing!!

webwoman05 Mon 17-Jan-05 09:33:47

I read this thread with real interest as my ds turned 4 at the beginning of Jan and has shown absolutely no interest in potty training and like your daughter not all concerned that all his friends are in pants now. The day after his birthday I was so fed up with the pull ups looking like a bulging cod piece (!) as they do not seem to hold that much wee that I suggested to him that he might like to try on some of his Thomas pants. He jumped at the chance. I told him if he need a wee to do it on the potty which I left in the middle of the living room! I went to the kitchen when he shouted out to me that he had done a wee in his potty - he had but hadn't pulled his pants down! Nevertheless this was a great break through as he had shown no interest on previous attempts at potty training. The next time he managed to do a successful wee in the potty and no wet pants! Since then we have been on car journeys, a friends house (she allowed him to wander around her house with no pants which I wasn't keen on as I thought he might poo! He didn't thank goodness!) and he even did a wee on my friends little girls potty. We then went on a bus journey on about the 4th day of wearing pants (I don't drive and it has always been my fear that he will pee on the bus as we use them so often but he didn't!). Nursery was fine too although I think he tends to hold it until he gets back to his own potty. He still poos in his pants but I feel that just him weeing in the potty is a major break though as I too thought he would be the only child still wearing nappies at school! Everyone always says you never hear of any children going to school wearing nappies and they will do it in their own time. My health visitor said that she had heard of a child going to school in a nappy which at the time freaked me out!

Sorry about this rather long post but what I am trying to get across is that your dd is just not ready - we tried at half term and by the second day I was ready to throw the potty out the window so I gave up after so many accidents. I feel there is so much pressure to get our childeren potty trained too early and I have to say I have been quite stubborn about not giving in to peer pressure. So what if he was still wearing a nappy (luckily my nursery are happy about changing nappies) it is not the end of the world. Another bit of advice is I have a feeling your daughter wants some privacy doing her business and with everyone at the nursery watching and clapping she probably feels a bit embarrassed. My ds kept taking himself upstairs for a wee because I originally had the potty for downstairs in the living room. I simply moved it back into the downstairs loo and he now will use both the upstairs and downstairs potties quite happily in private! He tells me afterwards and he gets great delight in helping me dispose of the contents of his potty.

Just another thought, my son has been quite late with everything from walking to talking so I guess the potty training was going to take some time too. What about your dd - does she speak well and have a good understanding of what you say to her? I think that is why star charts and bribery didn't work with my ds because he didn't fully understand.

You have also just had another baby (congrats!) so it is a time of change for you all and I know sometimes older siblings tend to regress somewhat with a new arrival. I have that to look forward to later this year myself! Put the pants away say for a week and try again in a low key manner and you might be surprised!

Hope this helps. Good luck. Let us know how you get on.

milge Mon 17-Jan-05 09:46:40

Feel a bit cheeky posting on here, as i haven't yet successfully trained my ds(2y4m), but he hates the potty, refuses to sit on it even to watch tv, and insists on going to the toilet like daddy - no sitting down for him! Maybe the potty is too public for your dd- she sounds like she hates doing her business in front of everyone, and if she could take herself off to the loo, maybe she may be happier to abandon the nappies? I have no experience whatsoever, but if my ds hadn't got the hang of it by schooltime, i would abandon nappies completely and mop up for as long as it took him to realise being wet and dirty isn't very comfortable.

webmum Wed 19-Jan-05 15:16:30

Milge and webwoman thanks for your suggestions, unfortunately dd1 is a bit different, potty is nota problem, she has already used the toilet, with or without adaptor, she has used public toilets and friends' toilets, she was absolutely fine for a few weeks but she gradually went back to wearing nappies all of the time. The problem with just going cold turkey will not be accidents, but tantrums, screams and tears as she is an awfully stubborn child, which is why I have, until now, hoped that she would do it herself, but can see no signs of it happening I've decided to leave her until her 4th birthday (in May) and I've started dropping hints that 4yrolds do not wear nappies and if I'm brave enough I'll get rid of them then and lets see how it goes!! Thanks anyway, its nice to hear I havent got the only 4yrold still in nappies in the whole country!!

Millie1 Thu 20-Jan-05 22:22:45

What a revelation this thread has been!! I've no advice but have a 3 yr 3 mth old DS who we're having a tough time with - he gets upset when asked to sit on potty/toilet - and it's just so good to read some of the advice given in here!!

webmum Tue 08-Feb-05 16:41:58

I thought I'd give you a quick update, as dd1 has finally ditched the nappies.

It just happened that she was wetting the bed at night (even with a nappy on) so one night I asked her if she wanted to go on the potty so she wouldn't wet herself at night, to my surprise she agreed, so I pressed on and asked if she would go without for the two weeks we were about to go visiting her granma and I'd buy her a present. She immediately agreed, and was so enthusiastic thats he told just about everyone we met that she had knickers on!!!

So it's now been almost 3 weeks, had a couple of accidents, and she often refuses to go for hours, but she has not asked for nappies again and in the morning she's keen to take the night nappy off as I thikn she now finds it v. uncomfortable.

The next hurdle is nursery tomorrow....she's already said she wants to go in nappies, but I'm hoping to convince her!!

Hope this helps someone!

adamkylesmum Wed 23-Feb-05 15:02:28

Just wanted to say thanks - my son is 2.7 & all his friends his age (& younger) are potty trained. was starting to worry as he was walking / talking etc. early but not bothered about toilet, will sit on it & wee when putting off going to bed but that's about it! really good to hear that it is not as unusual as i thought for him to still be in nappies. think he is just lazy, is easier to do it in his nappy. he will say when he is pooing but when asked if he wants to do it on potty or toilet he says he is a baby & wants changing.

googoo Wed 23-Feb-05 18:35:23

choc, choc, choc, its the only thing that worked with issy, who i trained last week and so far touch wood has been dry, even at night,

i bought bags of those little wrapped chocolate footballs from asda, and every time she did a wee or poo she got one,.
i cutt out all chocolate at other times so it was a treat just for this,

she picked it up really easily an now she does wees on her own and only occasionally asks for the choc,

its worth a try,

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