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Reaching the end of my tether with ds and am reluctantly asking for advice

(62 Posts)
Rhubarb Sun 24-Jun-07 18:18:12

He's 3.5. Potty training started when he was 2.8 but he didn't get the hang of it, so after 2 weeks of cold turkey with no signs of improvement we gave up. Then about 3 months ago we tried again. After a couple of weeks the accidents got less and he finally started peeing on the potty!

Now he is wee trained but the problem is the poo.

He doesn't tell us when he needs a poo, neither does he tell us when he's done one in his pants. His poos are very soft so by the time we realise what he's done, it's soaked through his clothes and anything he has sat on.

At nursery they don't have good drains so when he has an accident, they just put his undies in a nappy bag and by the time I get to them, they are beyond saving and need to be thrown away. Last week I threw away 6 pairs of undies within 4 days.

We've tried the nice "never mind!" approach, but this hasn't worked. He obviously knows he has done one in his pants but he never even pauses in his play.

Any advice? I'm fed up of rinsing poo!

Rhubarb Sun 24-Jun-07 18:31:11

Honestly! You start a genuine thread asking for advice and what do you get? I should have just called it something bum related in the chat threads - I might have got more 'hits' then!

southeastastra Sun 24-Jun-07 18:32:57

it took my son ages to get trained up properly. i think in the end i made him go before and after school. though i did get a bit het up about it and maybe gave him a slight complex for a while.

WanderingTrolley Sun 24-Jun-07 18:33:48

If his poos are of the soft variety, does he get much warning, do you think?

When he goes, does he huff, puff and go red in the face?

PS We need a new topic: bums.

domesticgrumpess Sun 24-Jun-07 18:34:36

Message withdrawn

dinosaur Sun 24-Jun-07 18:35:07

No advice, but loads of sympathy - DS1 was nearly four before he could be relied on not to do it in his pants. DH got very tired of washing pooey pants; those were days when I was quite glad to be a WOHM...

Rhubarb Sun 24-Jun-07 18:35:54



No, he often calls his poos wees so I don't think he differentiates. But surely he must get a bit of warning?

The HV is visiting on Wed and I will mention the soft poo to her, but it's a recurring problem. Sometimes they are solid, but more often they are really really soft.

policywonk Sun 24-Jun-07 18:37:15

Another sympathiser here. DS1 is 4.6 and still won't voluntarily go - needs to be ordered/bribed. Many, many pairs of pooey pants. I have no idea what to do for the best...

dinosaur Sun 24-Jun-07 18:37:16

Our HV was useless. Assured us that DS1 couldn't possibly be constipated if he was soiling his pants 4-6 times a day. He was, in fact, terribly constipated and really once we sorted that out (thank you Lactulose) things improved a lot.

Hope your HV is a bit more on the ball...

akaJamiesMum Sun 24-Jun-07 18:38:09

Hang on in there. My DS is 4.5 and has JUST started pooing on the loo (a week ago). Before that he just asked for a nappy each time he wanted to poo and used that which does mean less rinsing of poo but he may not allow you to put nappies back on. What about pull-ups with normal toilet for wee and the pull-ups in place ready for the poo?

Rhubarb Sun 24-Jun-07 18:39:52

He isn't regular though, he could do one poo a day or 5. Today he did one just 10mins after he'd been to the toilet.

Thanks for the sympathies though, makes me feel better to know that I'm not alone on this.

dinosaur Sun 24-Jun-07 18:41:11

That does sound a bit odd (only based on what my lot are like, I'm not a poo expert)! Does he have any allergies or food sensitivities?

WanderingTrolley Sun 24-Jun-07 18:43:21

I think it's very common for toilet trainees to have poo problems. Can you put him in pull ups for nursery? He must be costing you a fortune in pants!

Have you kept a diary of exactly what he eats/drinks and when, and a diary of when he poos? If you compare the two you might notice a correlation, perhaps he has a slight intolerance to something.

Just a thought.

Rhubarb Sun 24-Jun-07 18:43:37

I don't know dinosaur, I'm a bit reluctant to go down that road really.

His diet doesn't vary much, we keep citrus things limited. Sometimes his poos are normal and then he'll go through months of them being very soft.

I did try varying diets but nothing really made any difference. He doesn't have tummy ache or bad wind. The GP in France put it down to "toddler diarrhoea" and said he'd be ok when he was 5. Great, only another 18 months to go!

WanderingTrolley Sun 24-Jun-07 18:45:51

Ooh, crossed posts dinosaur!

I know a four year old girl with a minor food allergy/intolerance, and if she has more than a tiny bit of the things she shouldn't, her pooing schedule goes out the window, so to speak.

Rhubarb Sun 24-Jun-07 18:47:14

How do you know what the intolerance is though? Keeping a diary sounds like hard work and I'm just too bloody lazy to cater for minor allergies.

His poo doesn't smell and is normal in colour, it's just very very soft. Surely an intolerance would mean a yeasty smell to the poo?

MatNanPlus Sun 24-Jun-07 18:47:28

Might not be suitable but what about a sealed food container that the poohy pants could be put into with some water so they may be recoverable, obviously a dedicated container

My other suggestion would be a slimline/ultra thin sanitary towel to catch most of it? if he won't or you don't want to put him into nappies again?

Rhubarb Sun 24-Jun-07 18:48:53

Ooooh, sanitary towel, what a good idea!

Bloody good ammo to use when he's 16 too - "do you remember dear how we used to put sanitary towels into your pants to soak up your poo?"

FrannyandZooey Sun 24-Jun-07 18:50:54

I think I would go back to pull ups if there was no improvement and nothing else was working. He could still pull them down for a wee if he is ok about that part of going to the loo.

rantinghousewife Sun 24-Jun-07 18:51:47

Can't really give you any advice other than to say I think the poo thing is quite common, lots of children seem to go through it and it passes (excuse the pun)(eventually). He could be constipated tho', it doesn't have to be hard for it to be constipated, the fact he goes (sometimes) several times a day could be an indicator.

Rhubarb Sun 24-Jun-07 18:53:03

Hmm, will have to see what HV says on Wed. Meantime I'm feeding him up with lots of carbos and protein to harden them up a bit.

He does go every day so not sure that constipation is the problem. There are no other symptoms apart from the soggy poos.

WanderingTrolley Sun 24-Jun-07 18:53:55

Finding an intolerance is the fun fun job of the doctors - that or spending months eliminating in turn foods from his diet only to find out he's intolerant of Fruit Shoots, which you can never admit to on mn because of the I Told You So factor (hmmm.. ITYS - new acronym)

Anyhoo, I don't think an allergy/intolerance necessarily means a yeasty smell.

lol about embarrassing him in his teens - would a nappy liner do the same job, but catch more of it?

Rhubarb Sun 24-Jun-07 18:56:31

Nappy liner good too. I think a trip to Boots is in order.

How would you keep a nappy liner in place though?

WanderingTrolley Sun 24-Jun-07 19:02:39

Micropore? Safety pins?

suss Sun 24-Jun-07 20:33:26

Do you think that your DS could be mistaking farting for poo? I know my DS does sometimes and especially when he has runny poo as he calls it. I had to explain to DS that Farting means poo is on the way and so its time for the loo which helped alot, it still happens v occasionally though. DS does poo twice a day after lunch & Supper I find Richard Scarry books help enormously as they keep him on the loo! Otherwise not sanitary towels but nappy liners my be the answer. Does he poo at the same time every day? You may be able to catch him then.

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