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Potty training advice please!

(8 Posts)
Lovecat Thu 15-Feb-07 12:51:10

Hi, my dd is 2 tomorrow and about 4 weeks ago the nursery she goes to 3 days a week decided (without really consulting me) that she was to be potty trained. Apparently they can't go up to the 'big room' (which they are supposed to when they're 2) unless they're potty trained.
I was slightly concerned that she wasn't ready - although she was happy to sit on the potty she had only ever done 1 poo in it, and that was a happy accident, she was very surprised by it! - but they reassured me she was, and so I let it go ahead.
What they have been doing is putting her in pants and then sitting her on the potty every 15 mins, not fussing over accidents etc, for increasing periods each week. So far, so person-we're-not-allowed-to-mention.
However, I have noticed that on the charts they give me, she very rarely actually does anything. They say she's doing really well because she hasn't had any accidents, but I think that she's desperately holding on until she's back in a nappy.
When I have her at home the rest of the week I have tried to do the same as they are, but she gets absolutely hysterical, runs to me clutching her crotch going 'nappy mummy, nappy, nappy!' and won't sit on the potty at all. If I put a nappy on her, she'll wee or poo, then tell me 'clean nappy!' (her demand for being changed). The minute I take the nappy off her, she runs off to sit on the potty - where, of course, nothing happens.
What has also happened is that she is now getting completely frantic if she does the slightest thing in a nappy, demanding a clean one immediately. If we are somewhere I can't change her that very instant, she gets hysterical.
This obviously isn't right, is it? I have mentioned my suspicions about it being too soon/her holding on to poo/wee to the nursery and they have basically brushed me off 'oh, all the children do that when they first start' - well, they might do, but it's not good, is it?
I suppose my question is what to do now? Do I follow my instincts and tell them she's too young and to stop the potty training?
Or are these all signs that she IS ready, and do I take a few weeks off work and go cold turkey with her? My gut feel is that this halfway house situation is no good for her at all, but I don't know which way to go!

Flumpytina Thu 15-Feb-07 12:59:23

IMO I would stop the potty training altogether and get her nursery to stop also (surely they have to if you ask them?). Leave it a month maybe and then re-introduce the potty again (perhaps you should do it over a long weekend) and if all is going well ask nursery to re-start aswell.
It sounds like she is showing all the right signs (ie she knows when she needs a wee/poo), but is really hating the whole potty idea. I wouldn't push it to be honest. She is still really young and I have friends who's DC are past 3 and aren't potty trained yet so you have plenty of time.

justaphase Thu 15-Feb-07 13:06:12

I am totally out of my depth here but I was thinking... this whole potty - phobia that so many children seem to develop... could it be because we now leave it so late to potty train?

If we started getting them used to sitting on the potty for short periods at a younger age (say 1yo) and playing/listening to a story without stressing about them necessarily doing anything in it would it not make it easier later?

Sorry, I realise this is no help at all and maybe I should have started a separate thread ... was just wondering...

Flumpytina Thu 15-Feb-07 13:13:18

justaphase we did exactly what you suggest (ie stories etc) with dd1 with nappy/clothes on when she started showing the signs she was ready to train. We did this for a week or so and then started the real training in earnest.
I think if you do what you suggest too early then the potty just becomes a funny chair (and often gets worn as a hat, or filled up with toys etc). Personally I think it's best to introduce it shortly before you actually start the training so it's a 'special' thing, but def. not something to be feared.

justaphase Thu 15-Feb-07 14:04:47

Lovecat I really did not mean to kill your thread, I hope somebody comes along soon with some more advice for you.

maisiemog Thu 15-Feb-07 14:19:52

Aaah poor old DD. I don't necessarily think she is too young, but I 'feel' from your post that the nursery is putting on too much pressure.
Definately pressure and potty training together = not good for babies or at least not good for mummies.
If they are doing OK at nursery, just let them do 'their' thing and you do 'your' thing and don't rush yourself or her.
What would happen if she didn't potty train within the nursery's timescale - would she just stay in the same room for longer? They seem to be the group exerting the pressure here, but if it doesn't suit you, then it's their agenda. These days two is pretty early to potty train, the average child is nearer to three than two before they are potty trained.
But returning to your DD, she does sound a little confused, but having said that, they are often a bit confused by brand new things, so it's not that surprising.
On the plus side, she sounds very aware of her bodily functions, which has to be a good starting point. Our little boy went through a refusing the potty stage, for days sometimes and I wouldn't force him, because I feared I would give him a complex.
I found just leaving him and then getting him to sit on it when he was relaxed, and a bit tired was OK and we would sit with a couple of books or put on teletubbies and talk about that. Sometimes he would sit for twenty minutes and nothing, and sometimes do a pee or poo. Just varied, but I was happy he didn't feel stressed about the potty.
Using your DD's natural timing is useful because there are times when you are much more likely to have a result: when she wakes from overnight sleep or nap or after a meal or a lot to drink, and sometimes after a bath or a little while before bed.
I'm sure you will find a way to resolve this and I suspect she will be potty trained within the next couple of months because she sounds very aware.
Good luck with it.

Lovecat Wed 28-Feb-07 12:02:29

Thanks very much to all who replied - sorry, I've had DD's birthday party to organise and have only just had the spare time to get back online!

Anyway... justaphase, I've had her sitting on the potty for as long as she's been crawling, she liked to sit on it when I went to the loo myself (will I ever get to pee in private again??), so I don't think that's the case. Perhaps, as Flumpytina says, that's the problem, it became just another chair to her!

I have told them that I don't want them pushing things - she has been moved up to the next room already, it happened on her 2nd birthday, she seems very happy there (they seem to be doing a lot more art and jigsaw-related activities, which she loves), and the girls in charge of the room do not seem particularly bothered about her being potty trained so I've asked them to take things easy with her.

And lo and behold, last night before bed she asked for the potty and did a poo! So maybe it is working after all...

Thanks Maisiemog, I'm terrified of giving her a complex about it (and I suppose I was afraid that that's what was happening) but perhaps it is just confusion and she needs a bit longer to get used to it. She does seem to need quite a lot of time to feel comfortable with stuff that's new to her - she's only just stopped fleeing in terror when they do the parachute thing at tumbletots, and that's been going on since September, so maybe I'm jumping the gun a bit!

clairemow Wed 28-Feb-07 12:11:40

lovecat, fwiw, I think 2 is still quite young, and this pressure from the nursery to potty train before they move into another room at 2 is too much. My dS potty trained himself basically at about 2.4, and I thought that was early - some of his friends are still in nappies, and they are all 3 this summer. No point giving DD a complex. If I were you, I'd keep her in nappies until she shows more interest.

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