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Help! Still in nappies age 5..Anyone in same situation?

(36 Posts)
Becs2006 Tue 23-May-06 12:32:39

Hi,

I am new to Mumsnet and was hoping to find some advice or reassurance for my sister who is having problems with her ds and potty training. He is now 5 and refusing to give up nappies. As a full time Mum who used day care/nanny from an early age, my sister left his potty training late - believing that when he was ready to give up he would... this seems to have been too late and and now he is refusing to give up his nappies or co-operate with potty training.

At school this is now a real problem, until 4 there were other children still in nappies but now age 5 this is difficult for him and her. Does anyone have any similar experiences? As a working mum has anyone else found a problem with finding the time to do this or left it too late? Where can you go for help to deal with this problem and do you think that it could have an affect on him in later life?

Anyone with any experience or advice, personal or from other mum's would be much appreciated...my sisiter feels that she has done wrong and is worried...but what is the solution, ...do children seem to be potty training later because of hectic lifestyles and the fact that they now make nappies for older kids?

Any thoughts at all??

mrspf Wed 24-May-06 00:16:09

I thought i'd reply a no-one else has although i do not have experience of this (as i opted for early training), but i have heard that one option is to just tell them you are not buying any more nappies after the current lot run out! I guess this may have been tried before and would not go down well but i can't think of any other way, except rewards (new toy) or privileges taken away (favourite toy/tv programme).

Skribble Wed 24-May-06 00:28:09

It probably is harder to toilet train if things are hectic.

But I think sister is going to have to make a huge effort with this as its going to cause her DS no end of trouble if this is not sorted out and the other kids suss. Who changes him at school? Has he been checked out by the doctor to make sure there is no pysical problem? if not....

I would be very matter of fact and make a special trip to buy great new pants, make it a big occasion. I would also stock up on some special rewards for each dry day. Perhaps a sticker chart, jar of marbles etc to keep track of dry days. There will be lots of accidents and objections no doubt as he will have got very lazy about this and have made no conncection about the feeling the need to pee and getting to the loo.

I would be very strict about getting rid of the nappies, at 5yrs he has the physical ability to control it long enough to get to a toilet but unless nappies are got rid of he will never have to put the skill into practice and make that connection. He will quite happily go for the easy option.

If he has a long weekend off school I would try to get the time off and make it no nappy weekend, making it quite clear that he doesn't have them any more and no going back. Just think reward reward reward. If possible stop using them at night so he is getting clear signals about this.(disposable bed mats are a god send).

Tell here good luck and don't give up.

NannyL Wed 24-May-06 09:33:54

i agree with just taking the nappies away...

maybe a few days in the fattest bulkiest uncomfiest 'wettest' disposable (maybe a shops own econmy brand) could help.... rather and nice dry slim fitting soft nappy!

Bumblelion Wed 24-May-06 09:38:16

My DD (aged 4 yrs 7 months) only got out of pull-ups during the day last Thursday but she has a genetic condition that causes her to be "behind" everyone in every skill (walking, talking, toileting, etc.).

She had never been ready before last Thursday because she also has low muscle tone. I have tried countless times with no success. I am a single working mum to 3 children (aged 13, 9 and 4) but this was not my excuse for not toilet-training my DD. It was because of underlying circumstances.

Sorry, not been much help as my situation is a bit different in that there was a reason why my DD was still in pull-ups at this age.

Cappucino Wed 24-May-06 10:17:45

if they want to stay with the nappies, I'd get cloth nappies so she feels wet, or put a cloth inside the disposable for the same effect

but I think the best thing is to go out and let her shop for really nice pants

my dd trained at 4, she has cp. she just woke up one morning and decided that she really did want to wear her special Snow White Princess knickers and that it was worth the effort in order to wear them

nursery took her to the toilet every hour, on the hour, so she got really bored of going and decided to just tell them when she wanted to instead.

and if she wet herself they just changed her, silently, and didn't interact with her so she got no nice attention for doing so; but neither did they make her feel bad about accidents

Cappucino Wed 24-May-06 10:18:55

sorry it's a boy

really nice underpants then. with spiderman on

not the princess knickers

Skribble Wed 24-May-06 16:56:18

Agree that if they are in nice comfy pull ups or the latest pampers they are not going to want to do a thing, easier for Mum and to damm easy for the kid.

Bumblelion glad your daughter has got out of the pull ups,I know there are many reasons I suppose that why I suggested getting checked out by the doctor, or everyone involved could get very stressed and get no where.

My son was quite late to get out of nappies and even later at night, still get occasional wet beds at 9yrs. He is very tall so I used to get a few disaproving looks in the nappy changing rooms. It will happen, I found that kids that train later usually master it very quickly once the decision has been made.

deste Fri 26-May-06 23:19:23

I think you sisters boy is having her on. Unless he has a medical condition or has learning dificulties he knows he needs the toilet. He is a boy not a baby and needs to be treated as such. Does she really think an already overstreched teacher is going to change his nappy. Would you like it if your child was in a class and had to wait two or three times a day till his teacher took him away to change him. Unless your sister wants an unhappy, bullied child at school she needs to get him off nappies now. Dont put any more on to him, he will soon learn. I'm not sure what you mean by saying has she left it too late, does she raelly think he will still be in nappies in senior school?. Sorry about the rant but I am absolutely shocked. I think it's time your sister put in some effort. Just a thought he dosn't still drink from a bottle and use a dummy?.

chipmonkey Fri 26-May-06 23:43:43

It's very easy to criticise, deste, but sometimes parents end up in these situations and are looking for advice here not criticism. I started training my ds1 at 2.2 but although he was very advanced verbally, just didn't appear to "get" the toilet-training. Also some cross members of staff at his nursery led to him "holding on" to his poo all day at nursery, leading to constipation, leading to pain, leading to a fear of the toilet which lasted till he was almost 4. We had to use intensive traing and unfortunately, laxatives which eventually led to success.
Becs, I would agree that taking the nappies away is the first step. Pull-ups are also useless if disposable so I would put him straight into spiderman/Power Rangers pants and reward with stars. Ten stars gets a toy. . I'd give that a go anyway and see how she gets on. Best to start at weekend too and explain that trousers have to be kept dry at school.

mysonsmummy Sat 27-May-06 00:42:50

if half term next week so whoever will be caring for hm can maybe do it then with out fear of all the other children looking.

deste - im sure its not nearly the most shocking thing you've read on MN. its hardly shocking she just asked for advice.

SoupDragon Sat 27-May-06 09:22:43

Personally, I'd go cold turkey, stick him in pants and get on with it.

cod Sat 27-May-06 09:25:38

Message withdrawn

threebob Sat 27-May-06 09:37:08

Another vote for cold turkey at half term.

Gillian76 Sat 27-May-06 09:39:40

Unless there is a medical condition which you don't mention, I think it's time for both of them to give it up.

Cold turkey.

threebob Sat 27-May-06 09:42:44

Am surprised that she didn't let nanny or day care take care of it.

GarfieldsGirl Sat 27-May-06 09:47:43

I'm sorry but I don't understand how he's still in nappies. ds1s nursery will not take any children in nappies/pull ups, and there's certainly no school round here that would change a childs nappy, unless, of course there is a medical reason for not being out of them. As cod says, 'who's in charge' I'm sorry, but I personally think that its lazy to leave a 5yr old in nappies. i also can't believe that his school change them. Sorry, but thats my opinion. Obviously if something medically wrong thats understandable, but you haven't said that is the case with your nephew.

Riddo Sat 27-May-06 09:53:40

My ds(6) is back in nappies at night but we are going cold turkey at half term with a star chart reward system as I think he's just can't be bothered to get up. I wish your sister lots of luck as the endless washing is a pain.

geekgrrl Sat 27-May-06 10:13:13

must say I agree with the cold turkey approach mentioned in this case - is your nephew having his mum on?
My dd2 has Down's syndrome and decided to give up nappies at exactly 4 years - I'm sorry, but with a developmentally normal child I would have taken a zero tolerance approach years ago.
I don't think there should be any messing about with cloths in disposables etc - let him wet and/or soil himself properly a few times so that he sees how unpleasant it is.
What exactly do they do at school? (I'm wondering whether your post is genuine because I can't see any school putting up with this from a healthy child)

mysonsmummy Sat 27-May-06 10:45:20

also let him feel the wetness of his pants (and anything else) against his bum - not nice but will help him to make up his mind.

FrannyandZooey Sat 27-May-06 10:56:27

It's not really that unusual, and certainly not 'shocking'. We seem to be so disgusted in this country of reminders that children are not small adults, and sometimes are dependent and immature. Why on earth does this make some of you feel so upset, and from the sound of it, angry? Growing out of nappies is just another developmental stage and some children are ready sooner than later. I don't think people would be too pleased if someone posted that their son had not yet learnt to ride a bike, or read, or tie his laces, and was jumped on with comments like "Who's in charge here? Is he having you on?"

cod Sat 27-May-06 11:03:39

Message withdrawn

cod Sat 27-May-06 11:04:14

Message withdrawn

Twiglett Sat 27-May-06 11:11:34

with cod on this one

I have a swiss friend who keeps saying how thye never potty train in switzerland and the kids just do it on their own so its not unusual for 5 or 6 year olds to be in nappies

I find it difficult to believe tbh

but also our school system demands toilet training for NT children

it is a case of who's in charge .. the mum needs to just go for it

Twiglett Sat 27-May-06 11:14:04

does the child have a favourite super hero?

go out and get superhero pants .. yes

but also tell him that when he goes in the toilet he will be allowed to phone up superhero .. pre-warn friend to play superhero .. and be hugely ecstatic over toilet training incident

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