Nanny pregnant with second baby(30 Posts)
I'd really like some advice on our nanny situation.
Our nanny has been with us for 9 months and brings her nearly 2 year old to work with her. Our children are both at school so she works before and after school during term time and a few full days during holidays, alongside drop off to and pick up from holiday clubs.
She's just told me she's pregnant with her second baby. She told me she doesn't want to take much maternity leave as she can't afford it and talked about coming back to work with the baby. She's clearly assuming that she's able to come back to work with her baby, despite the fact we have never discussed this and she didn't actually ask if she could. She just talked about where the children will all sit in the car. (The arrangements of which I was not happy about but that's another matter)
I'm not desperately unhappy with her but there are a number of minor issues which are not really improving. On top of this, I don't think that bringing her own toddler and newborn to work with her will allow her to give my children the focus that I want and expect from a paid employee.
She asked if she could tell my children and I said yes, without thinking about it. But now my 8 year old daughter is getting excited about a new baby.
So I need to address the fact I don't want her to bring her baby to work with her. She has no family support so I know this would mean she can't return to work with us. Given the fact I've been having niggling issues since quite early on in her employment, this suits me.
I just wanted to know if anyone else has been in a similar situation and how you dealt with it. I know I have to sort this out soon as it's not fair to allow her to assume she can come back when my mind is made up. I just don't want to cause an uncomfortable atmosphere, particularly as she's only 18 weeks pregnant.
Any thoughts or advice much appreciated!
The current position has to be kept open but you do not need to accept them bringing two children with them, just one.
Not having suitable transport would be a valid reason in my view for not having them bring both children to work.
Would you be happy if they brought along baby but toddler was cared for elsewhere? That may not be something your nanny would consider doing - so she would need to resign.
Neither of you should make any decisions until much later on, such as 8 weeks prior to returning from maternity leave. However as it has now been mentioned, if bringing both children won't work with the current travelling arrangement then I would say that. Would it work though if a different car was used?
Think carefully. It might be v hard to get another nanny who is prepared to take on those hours. Finding before and after school care plus someone who will also do full days in holidays will be very very tough.
Thanks for replying.
The car issue is really only one of several. She has explicitly told me she can’t afford a new car. Even if she did change her car that wouldn’t be the magic solution.
I would potentially consider her bringing the baby rather than the toddler but I think I’d be more likely to be flexible if she was a great nanny rather than what I feel is an adequate babysitter at the moment.
I feel it would be very unfair of me to allow her to continue assuming she can come back with both children when I’m adamant this arrangement will absolutely not work for us.
Thanks Cansu for that point. To be honest, because our current nanny isn’t really up to scratch, they spent all of February half term in holiday club so I’m happy to continue with this and have year round before and after school/holiday club care. I’m not sure if this makes my search easier? When I was looking prior to offering current nanny the position, I had 2 or 3 other potentials so I’m hopeful there are options.
Is it perhaps better than I warn her I need to think about whether bringing her baby is a possibility, just so she’s aware that it’s not a given? And gives me the option to change my mind, should I struggle to find alternative care.
Well you really should tell her asap. At least say that you are not sure about it-has she considered alternatives. It sounds as if she is trying to give you fair warning, you should do the same.
I think that in the future, it could be much too messy an arrangement. I say be honest with her now and start looking for a replacement.
OutyMcOutface that’s my gut feeling so I think I’ll have a chat with her next week.
I know I’ll feel much better for having addressed it. Otherwise all I’ll hear from my 8 year old is how excited she is that we’re going to have a baby in the house!
Raise the performance issues - that is a separate thing and she needs to be aware that you are not overly happy with how things are going.
Good time for a performance review... say what has gone well, what needs improvement and try to end on something positive.
If redundancy is looking likely... which if you can use before/after school and holiday club, then redundancy is looking likely, start making that clear - such as saying that the children did like going to holiday club and you are thus you will be reviewing your long term childcare needs. There is a formal procedure to go through if you are considering making the position of nanny redundant - contact your nanny payroll provider for details. On no account can redundancy be based on your nanny being pregnant... it must be on grounds of a change in childcare need - it does sound like you are rethinking your childcare needs and have trialled an alternative (the holiday club).
The job is Nanny with own child. Not Nanny with own children one being a newborn. YWNBU to say no. She is assuming she can do the job totally differently to his she is doing it now.
Nannynick, I don’t plan to make her redundant as I need a replacement. I shouldn’t need to go down that route anyway if I tell her she can’t bring her baby to work with her.
I guess I wasn’t clear above but we don’t have the option of before and after school club as the children go to a village school where the minimal offering doesn’t suit our requirements. So holiday club during half terms is fine but I still need before and after school care daily during term time. Hence not really being able to consider redundancy.
She did very casually drop into conversation that she was made redundant when she was pregnant with her daughter and threatened to sue her employers so they paid her off 😳. I genuinely wasn’t sure if it was a disguised warning or she forgot who she was talking to for a moment
If she's gonna play hardball then tell her she can keep her job but needs to find childcare for her baby while she's at work.
I would tell her that you chose to employ a nanny for the low adult-child ratio. It will not work for you to have a nanny with two of her own children or even one under one year of age given they need more care. Otherwise you would have chosen to send your children to a childminder rather than employ a nanny. You could say you will keep her on until her baby is born but beyond that the arrangement will no longer suit you unless her baby is in full time childcare.
She's not going to "play nice" so OP offer her to keep her job but WITH THE SAME TERMS, i.e. no newborns. Tell her She will need childcare to maintain her CURRENT position. She can't sue/blackmail you then but you will get rid.
Thank you all for your advice. I will tell her I’m not sure it will work and see how that pans out. However, am I right in thinking she doesn’t have to tell me if she’s coming back or not until 8 weeks before intended date or end of maternity leave?
So unless she resigns at some point before going on maternity leave I can only recruit maternity cover? As if only requiring before and after school help wasn’t already choice limiting!
Thanks springhen, I really appreciate a direct answer. I guess I’m just pussy footing around because she’s going to be in my house for the next 4/5 months and I don’t want her copping a strop!
Thank you all for your advice. I will tell her I’m not sure it will work and see how that pans out.
DON'T SAY THAT FFS It could be interpreted as you will maybe try it
You need to be clear. Nanny needs childcare if she intends to come back. Do not use language like "I think/don't think"! No! The CURRENT terms of her employment, ie with one child, will not be changing.
and I don’t want her copping a strop
Actually that's exactly what you want, her stropping off and quitting, mumbling about what a bitch you are, instead of manipulating and blackmailing you.
All very good points. I’m just after an easy life. I have enough stress at work and don’t need that shit at home too. But you’re right, the easy life comes from being absolutely clear
I'm not an expert but think you will need to pay statutory maternity pay (which you can reclaim from HMRC). This is 90% of their average weekly earnings ( AWE ) before tax for 6 weeks. Then for the next 33 weeks: £140.98 or 90% of their AWE (whichever is lower).
If your nanny is only earning a bit more than £140.98 per week (you don't say how many days she works) then she may decide to take the full 39 weeks of maternity leave. Does just delay the issue though.
My nanny is currently on maternity leave with second child. She has brought her daughter with her since she started working for me. It has generally worked well as her DD is a similar age to mine. I am keeping her job open on the same terms, ie can bring the older child, but I told her as soon as she told me she was pregnant that 4 children (2 of hers and 2 of mine) is a problem in my mind and she actually agreed that it will be very difficult. I don’t want my house full of baby things, stair gates etc again, now I’m through all that with my own kids. By the time she returns, our DDs will be 9 months off starting reception, at schools that are half an hour apart, so I really can’t see how she will be able to commit to the same hours as previously (she is full time), so I don’t see her returning unless the situation with her OH changes significantly and he does more of their childcare. But I am leaving things open, as the law requires; you never know, if her OH got made redundant or something she would probably come back, and with no kids in tow!
You need TO tell her now that her job will be the same - so welcome to bring older child but not baby
As may play hardball and say she will sort our childcare then 8w before coming back say she isn’t
Yes you can’t employ someone on a perm basis but you can explain to candidates that you have no problem with nwoc and one child and unlikely nanny will come back unless she can find childcare for baby
Also how easy was it to find your nanny. Not many like doing before /after school and full time holidays
Very interested in this as having a similar issue at the other end of maternity leave.
Our nanny is due back to us with her second child in a couple of months. However, her eldest starts school in September ( half an hour away from our own daughters' school) so having discussed it we agreed that it wouldn't be practical for her to come back.
While she's been on maternity leave we've coped without cover as both our children have now started school. I hoped we could just end the employment informally as it suited us both, but out of the blue she's asked about redundancy payment- am I being incredibly naive?
She can't return to the same job as she can't work the hours- I'm also not keen on her having four children to look after, one a baby. I don't want to screw her over- she's been great, but equally feel I'm being asked to pay out for what is ultimately her choice.
A baby and a toddler?imo she has enormous front to ask you ,or tell you,that she is bringing them into your home.
They are going to take 100% of her time and attention.
And when her children are ill,will she bring them in then too?
As you are unhappy with her i would look for a new nanny.
One who is going to concentrate on your children.all the time.their welfare is your priority OP and your children won't be hers.
You may need to seek advice about the legal aspect but with luck,when you say no she will leave.
muthasuperior - if you no longer require a nanny, which is the case by the sounds of it, then the role of nanny is redundant and IF they have been in your employment for two years or more, then redundancy pay will apply. www.gov.uk/redundant-your-rights/redundancy-pay
Tricky though as if she resigned due to not being able to do the job, she would not get redundancy pay.
Is she at the 8 week point where she has to tell you if she is coming back to work? If so, has she said she is coming back to work and is making alternative arrangements for her own children's childcare? You only need to keep the original job open, not accept any change such as bringing along baby. If she was bringing her eldest child with her before she went on maternity leave, she can still bring that child and there are a few months left until September.
Or is she more than 8 weeks away from returning and you have told her that the job no-longer exists?
First check how long she has been in your employment... as if under 2 years, there is no redundancy pay anyway.
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