Help with new nannyshare!(12 Posts)
I’m hoping for some advice on a nanny that has just started with us. We are sharing her with a family down the road, which is very convenient. She supposedly has a lot of experience/had good references/is nice. However there are a few issues that have come to my attention, and I’m not sure how to deal with them/whether I should see it as an issue at all:
Yesterday was my first day back at work - I came home in the evening, and switched the TV on - it was on CBeebies. Also, the remote was not in the cupboard where I had left it. It is a house rule that there is no TV (DD is 10 months and I don’t see a place for it in her development yet). This morning I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt, and asked if DD had been unsettled, and had she needed to use any distractions like the TV. She said she hadn’t used the TV at all, so I gently mentioned it was on the CBeebies channel (I hate confrontation!). She still flat out denied it and said she didn’t even know where the remote was (which seemed a telling thing to say as she had found it in the cupboard). Anyway we left it at that, but I went to work feeling uncomfortable at her apparent dishonesty.
Other issues are less concerning for me, but contributing to my slight feeling of uneasiness. She seems to be quite hectic when dealing with both babies at the same time - for example if one is fussing and she’s doing a nappy, or getting them down for naps. I know two is probably stressful, but due to her experience, I expected a more calm/controlled way of dealing with things.
Finally, she spends all day playing with them on the floor - I have insisted she takes them out at least once - but she hasn’t mentioned anything on her own initiative, eg - playgroups (which we discussed initially), or just introducing things like messy play/finger paints etc. (They are young, but other babies I know are starting doing these things). Again, I would have thought she would have had lots of ideas for stimulating/entertaining them, bearing in mind her experience.
I know it’s very early days - and I’m probably being a paranoid mum, but would really welcome any thoughts - especially on the TV situation!!
If yesterday was your first day back at work, how much settling-in time have you had with her? It sounds like quite a bit, given that you say she spends all day playing on the floor - and how can you be sure about that if you are at work? It's slightly tricky as this is a nanny share so she is trying to please both families and the other family e.g. may be quite happy for 15-20 mins of CBeebies or may not want the nanny to go out playgroups as often etc. You need to make sure that both families are on the same page with her in terms of activities. Is the other baby a similar age and has the nanny been working for them already or you both started at the same time?
Regardless of all of the above though, I think it is very concerning that she lied to you about the use of the TV and that would make me very uneasy about her. What are the other family's feelings? Is the share always going to be based at your house or half and half?
Maybe she used the TV for the other child who is allowed it while she was settling your DD?
Are you 100% sure she let them watch tv? If so I'd be letting her go.
Pick your battles... be firm and consistent. You are the boss, you are in charge, you can tell your nanny what to do. However you don't want to micromanage them. In a share situation your views and the other parents in the shares views need to match as best as possible... so if you don't want any TV used then the other family need to want that as well.
It is a house rule that there is no TV
So this would have been discussed prior to your nanny starting and they would have agreed to it. It may even be in the written contract as it is a House Rule so not something that is likely to be changed.
Reemphasise it as being the House Rule. It is early days so your nanny should be building your trust, so if they did use TV knowing that it was not allowed and then lied about it, that is not a good sign.
Dealing with two babies who you don't know can be tricky. Dealing with one baby can be tricky... nearly 4 month old who I care for decided just as mum walked through the door to fussy... she suddenly remembered she was tired, trying to keep babies awake is tricky once it gets dark outside.
It is early days so I would give it some time. Babies need to get to know your nanny and your nanny needs to get to know them and their signals.
Going out and about is essential in my view if children are well. Today baby and I took the dog for a walk, went to toddler group, went for a walk around local parkland. It was cold weather but not wet, so we went out. I can't spend 11 hours mostly in one room all day, others may be able to but I need to get out as much as the children do.
Talk to the share family about activities and make it clear to your nanny about what things you would like them to do - give them a budget for activities / equipment.
It takes a while to settle into a job and to get to know the children and adults involved, so start off as you mean to go on... be firm and consistent about what you want done but give them some freedom to decide things for themselves, get a routine working.
What if she is telling the truth about the tv? Maybe it was your partner? I'd never put the Tele on if my boss said not to and I'd hate to think they thought I was lying. The other things are a bit silly given yesterday was your first day back at work. I nanny share and it's always a bit tricky for the first week or so while everyone finds their feet. Babes are trying to sync routines and they might be a bit unsettled so the thought of a playgroup with them crying may not be appealing.
What are the other family's TV rules? Did the 2 families discuss these beforehand? Perhaps the other children are allowed to watch a small amount and did so while your DD was napping so that the nanny could go to the loo/have a cup of tea.
If you want to give her a chance (and not let her go straight away) get a nannycam, then you can see what she's doing. Get one that connects to the internet and you could check at work.
Don't listen to pp and get a nannycam without telling her, it is both a huge breach of trust and hugely illegal!
We had a failed nanny share early on - similar to you, I just had a bad feeling but ignored it because of all the stress of going back and thinking I was just too new to this and paranoid... maybe give it a week, but don't make my mistake! I left it until I heard from my share family's neighbour about the daily screaming, and found out that she had been (after discussion with the other family but not with me) leaving DS to cry it out for naps . She may be a decent nanny but she also needs to be the right fit for your family. There are so many truly wonderful nannies out there, we have had three since our share and every one has been amazing, in very different ways, so if it isn't working soon, better to start looking sooner rather than later.
Nanny cams are not illegal in the UK. As long as they aren't in a toilet or area of expected privacy.
Nannycams are not illegal, but secret ones are.
Even if in a non private area, you are legally required to have a notice posted (think about all those 'cctv used in this area' signs) and nanny and household visitors informed. People have a right to know they are being recorded.
More to the point though, even if you did have CCTV, it's never going to be perfect coverage, and if you have so little trust that you need it, then maybe you have the wrong nanny, or this isn't the right childcare method for you. I have been there and felt the temptation, I do have sympathy!
Yes if I felt I needed a nanny cam I'd be rethinking twins.
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