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Nannies, do you get invited to family events?

(26 Posts)
Rachel885 Thu 17-Aug-17 20:49:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wizzywig Thu 17-Aug-17 21:04:03

No i wouldnt. For me ive found it hard to maintain a boss-employee relationship as im a people pleaser. So as a boss i wouldnt and i wouldnt expect an invitation from my nanny

LadyWithLapdog Thu 17-Aug-17 21:10:06

I would of course invite my children's nanny to their birthday or mine. Or indeed take them out faith our family on their birthday. I trusted them with my kids and I liked them as people.

Callaird Fri 18-Aug-17 10:30:46

As a nanny you are part of the family. I've worked for 9 families long term, most mum's have said that I am the children's second mother (my current boss calls me the wife she never knew she needed!)

I would be very hurt not to be invited to the children's (or exchanges) birthday party, christening, wedding! I wouldn't be upset not to be asked to the parents birthday, anniversary party or any other get together. I'd like to be asked to their wedding (have been to two ex employers weddings) mainly so that I can see the children being page boys or bridesmaids, I was paid for both weddings as I got the boys ready and watched them while the family were entertaining their guests, I then had the monitor in the evening. Both weddings my partner was invited too.

Callaird Fri 18-Aug-17 10:34:13

I also went to two big parties held by employers but I worked, kept an eye on the children and then put them to bed, could have rejoined the party with the monitor if I had wanted but grabbed food and watched tv as although I knew most of their friends and famil, I didn't know them well.

wizzywig Fri 18-Aug-17 10:36:41

Sorry i shouldve said that i have had my nanny there for family events. As 2 other posters have said, i paid them so they were there to help with the kids.

Thatoneoverthere Fri 18-Aug-17 12:08:54

There is no hard and fast rule with that kind of thing in my experience.
Charges birthday parties are normally organised by me so its up to me if I want to go or not if they are on the weekend(no thank you hoard of 13year olds). Birthday dinners I'm sometimes invited to and some times not. Its not personal more that they are busy working parents and sometimes don't want to have to make the effort/have had a day or just want their child/children to themselves or if they're doing the adult thing don't want to talk about their kids and all the practical crap and want a bit of escapism with their friends.

xohalaxek Fri 18-Aug-17 12:09:47

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

RafikiIsTheBest Fri 18-Aug-17 12:18:08

I think there is a big difference in been invited or being asked to work on these occasions. If it's an invite surely you aren't expected to help with the kids anymore than any other friend or relative that is close to the children (ie they might ask for a drink or help with something, but not responsible for watching them). Where as if you are asked to work would you not be attentive to the children and try to offer them drinks, food, toilet (depending on age) in order to try preempt them asking their parents.

NannyJones Fri 18-Aug-17 19:19:03

Have been but don't often go, esp when I still work for the family. Nannying is loooong hours and my home time feels precious.

I try and get to my old charges bdays, make their cakes and invite xmb&db to our wedding, it was lovely to have them bother celebrate with us, after 5 years with them I truly feel like we're family 😊

Blondeshavemorefun Sat 19-Aug-17 07:17:38

Yes always invited to kids birthday parties - and would usually go if free but would have also done a week day 'nanny friend' party

sometimes to a family party. I may pop in to family party

I'm There as a guest not to work/paid

Rachel885 Sat 19-Aug-17 08:21:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Underparmummy Mon 21-Aug-17 11:37:14

I have always invited nannies to the kids birthday parties but not 'adult' celebrations.

Rachel885 Mon 21-Aug-17 13:01:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UnicornRainbowColours Mon 21-Aug-17 14:02:07

no I wouldn't expect to be invited to anything like that. I was invited to my charges birthday party and would have gone but for personal reasons I wasn't able to.

Squiffy01 Tue 22-Aug-17 15:59:31

I have been invited to weekend christenings ans children's birthday parties a lot, if I'm not I'm not bothered.
Once I've left families and am friends with parents I have been invited to the odd big birthday for parent. I would never be expect an invite while still working to be honest unless I was going to work. But generally any big events I stay at home with the children so parents can enjoy themselves.
Did your nanny say she was upset?

Rachel885 Tue 22-Aug-17 18:54:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyWithLapdog Tue 22-Aug-17 19:05:05

Why didn't you invite her? Is she shy around others? She might have enjoyed meeting other people. You said you invited practically everyone you know. Not everyone will know everyone else but you seem to have made an exception for her. You could have given her the choice. I'm not surprised she's disappointed.

Rachel885 Tue 22-Aug-17 19:29:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PacificDogwod Tue 22-Aug-17 19:30:19

Yes, we have had invitations, both ways smile
With our current nanny, not the previous one.

I think it depends entirely on the exact set of circumstances and individuals involved.

Loopytiles Tue 22-Aug-17 19:39:24

If she was truly "like family" she'd have been invited. She may feel you didn't mean what you said.

Rachel885 Tue 22-Aug-17 20:00:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Captainj1 Tue 22-Aug-17 21:38:41

My DH was 40 last weekend and we invited nanny and her other half and her DD (it was a family day-to-evening bash). She came and stayed a few hours and her DD enjoyed it. It depends on the relationship you have with her. I'd say that her natural character should have nothing to do with it. If she is quiet and lacking in confidence then maybe she would have politely declined but been happy to be asked. Or maybe she would have welcomed the opportunity to try to build her social confidence amongst people that she trusted. So my advice would be invite her, if you truly see her as one of the family and would want to have her there, and leave her to decide if she is too shy or not.

Rachel885 Tue 22-Aug-17 22:03:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

underneaththeash Tue 22-Aug-17 22:11:41

We would have invited one of our au pairs to something like that, but not one of our nannies. I've never considered a nanny to be one of the family, just an employee, whereas an au pair is.

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