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Nanny returning with 2 children

(26 Posts)
Onmyownwith4kids Sun 14-May-17 15:05:02

My nanny has always bought her baby with her. She I see now 2 and she would like to return with both her daughters. It's after school care. I have four children, the oldest is 14 and the youngest 9. I'm worried that the age gap between her children and mine will make the arrangement unworkable. It worked with one baby but with 2 it feels like she has a full time job caring for her own very young children and am unsure if it would work. Before she left she was unable to do homework, club drop offs etc did to her daughters needs. How would anyone here feel about this? She says it will be just like a nanny share but there would be no reduction in salary. I would still pay the full salary.

JaxingJump Sun 14-May-17 15:11:00

I think there should be a reduction!

It's up to you to decide but I think two babies/toddlers is a full time job and the older kids would be left to their own devices.

OldGuard Sun 14-May-17 15:11:29

Hmm she can't do what you need her to do no absolutely not

JaxingJump Sun 14-May-17 15:11:50

You should be paying 2/3 of the full salary, no?

Onmyownwith4kids Sun 14-May-17 15:14:22

Thankyou. I don't really object to paying her full salary. I Ann just concerned I will be effectively paying her to look after her own kids. Also worried about. Accidents as my house is not babyproof no stair gates etc. Not sure I want all that again!

Captainj1 Sun 14-May-17 15:20:54

My nanny brings her DD with her 50% of the time; her DD is 6 months older than mine, who just turned 2. I also have a DS of 6. I know she is planning to have another baby when her DD is around 4-5 and I don't think it would work for her to bring them both. By that point I want my home free of buggies, nappies, highchairs and travel cots and my kids will be doing lots of activities after school that she wouldn't want to drag a newborn baby to.

eerry Sun 14-May-17 15:21:45

A nanny share? Then she should forfeit her proportion of cost.

Regardless if she's uncle to do homework, clubs etc them I think it's not working anyway.

Onmyownwith4kids Sun 14-May-17 15:32:15

Thanks so much for advice. I really appreciate it. We never really discussed her bringing both children. She just assumed that would be fine. I'm finding it really difficult as we got on really well and I know she's relying on the income. While she's been away my own children have really grown up and it's a lot calmer. It feels wrong to introduce 2 very young children back but I don't want to be unfair to someone who never let me down. So grateful for the advice here which helps give me perspective!

nannynick Sun 14-May-17 15:33:36

Look at the duties - either she can perform them or she can't. Your children come first, they have activities to go to. If your nanny can't take them then you need someone who can.

Set out clearly the job role. She can then do the job or say she can't manage and resign.

FanDabbyFloozy Sun 14-May-17 15:38:53

If she can't do the work - which would have to supervising homework and driving them to activities - then it's not working and if be resentful.
This arrangement works while the kids are the same age or if there's one easy baby (rare).
I suspect there would also be sacrifices at meal times - older ones superfishing older toddler etc.
It wouldn't work for me.

OVienna Sun 14-May-17 19:04:31

100% you should not be paying full rates unless perhaps there was a big discount factored in initially to the arrangement. Not full market rates though. I cannot believe she would suggest otherwise if there were already duties she couldn't do with just the one child. You're talking about six kids to manage, two of whom are at very different stages of development to the others. It's really difficult to have the conversation but I think if you don't now it could end really badly later.

Onmyownwith4kids Sun 14-May-17 19:59:30

Thankyou so much. You have all helped so much. I really struggle without the cost of a nanny so it helps to know am not being influenced by that and being unreasonable!

wickerlampshade Sun 14-May-17 21:19:30

General advice on NWOC (one child) is around 20% off salary. I'd be wanting at least 1/3 off going rate and a serious discussion about how it's going to work. ability to bring own child to be reviewed at one month and then every six months.

nannynick Mon 15-May-17 12:45:20

Another difficulty with a nanny bringing more than one child with them is Employers Liability Insurance. I have been hearing from a nanny that her employer cannot find anyone to provide insurance cover for the nannies children being in the employers home. It was fine with one child but with two the insurers won't cover.
Anyone found any insurer who does cover a nanny with several of their own children?

NoSquirrels Mon 15-May-17 12:49:05

With the ages of your DC, presumably the after school care you want us supervising play dates, driving to and from after school activities, homework/music practice etc. All of which are much harder/impossible with 2 under 5s. In a family dynamic this would be hard to manage- I certainly wouldn't pay for the privilege!

Have you considered an au pair?

Bovneydazzlers Mon 15-May-17 12:53:37

She can give all the discount you want, but that just can't be workable! Baby and 2 year old of course will leave her run ragged (especially in your non baby proof house!). Hard as it may be, you have to say no and let her look for a client with a young child who is at the same stage as her own children. There is no way this can work, more likely your children will be helping nanny out not her looking after them.

Onmyownwith4kids Mon 15-May-17 21:49:02

Thanks for all your advice. Really appreciate it. I have looked into insurance and can't get anyone to cover both her children. She says she is happy without them insured but I am not. I'm finding it so hard. She is desperate to come back. I'm only really trying to think of ways to make it work as I like her, know she needs the money and don't want to upset her. Pathetic really!

Onmyownwith4kids Mon 15-May-17 21:52:39

She has now agreed to take another 3 months off until her daughters are older but I think that might just delay the inevitable.

Floralnomad Mon 15-May-17 21:57:50

How many of your own dc do you actually need a nanny for ? How does this arrangement work with simple things like fitting them in the car ? If your house isn't baby / toddler proof she's going to need all her attention on her 2 without doing homework / dinner etc . Sounds like a waste of your money frankly whatever she's costing - very nice for her to be paid for caring for her own children though .

MrsFogi Mon 15-May-17 21:58:42

I don't see how this works for you at all - your dcs need peace and quiet to do homework and the reason people use nannies rather than childminders etc is so that the care is tailored to your children (so their after school clubs etc). I can't for the life of me see why you would agree to this set up if you did not get a substantial discount for the compromise due to her two kids coming along. Whilst you may like her, get on etc she clearly sees this as an economic transaction as she wishes to charge you full price. I think you need to work out what you need then find someone to provide it (your approach seems to be the opposite way round).

NoSquirrels Mon 15-May-17 21:59:39

No. Babysitting work as an interim solution (evenings, without her DC accompanying her) to give her some income, and a glowing reference and asking around anyone you may know with younger kids - but you know it would be unworkable and unfair on your own DC to continue her employment so you can't continue just from that point of view.

Your DC are your ultimate responsibility and focus.

Her DC are hers.

She'll need to rethink her plans, unfortunately.

Please don't feel guilty.

TheClacksAreDown Mon 15-May-17 22:02:43

Six kids inc 2 very small ones is a lot. It would be a non starter for me. Best let her get used to the idea.

daisydalrymple Mon 15-May-17 22:14:36

I have 3 dcs, aged 10,8 and 2.5. Older two have footy / swimming / gymnastics x4 nights per week. I struggle myself to get them fed, to activities on time and keep dc3 entertained. Homework has to wait till he's in bed. Babies / toddlers need calm from late afternoon really, to wind down for bed. I think her two young children could potentially add unnecessary stress to your dcs' after school plans. Your nanny would possibly be better off child minding or nannying for same age children as suggested above.

Onmyownwith4kids Mon 15-May-17 22:17:05

I only really need a nanny for the 2 youngest 9 year old twins. I work quite late and they are both at gym and drama clubs so needed help with that and homework etc but you're right she was struggling to do that. Others completely self sufficient and probably beyond needing a nanny. It's just nice for them to have someone there. Looking at your responses though it's clear it's unworkable. Heart ruling head and we all got very fond of her little girl! I'd never even considered insurance issue until it was raised on here so thankyou!

smearedinfood Fri 19-May-17 15:05:28

Your house is not baby proofed. That's it really. However nice and keen she is. Being an employer is hard. But at the end of the day you are paying for a service.

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