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Nanny resigned via email

(13 Posts)
DRDG Thu 20-Apr-17 01:43:51

Our part time nanny since a few months just emailed me to say she isn't coming back after her holiday. Aside from giving us very short notice, being told via email is a little... heartbreaking. She writes that she doesn't think she is a good fit for our family and also hints at more things related to the children having contributed. Why write this and not explain at all?

This is making me feel worried as she isn't being specific... it's giving me a very bad feeling. All has seemed fine until now, we have kept in touch during her holidays so this feels like it's coming from nowhere.

I just really want to know what has caused her to resign in this abrupt way. I've asked the kids but being 5yo they haven't been able to shed any light. Until I know, finding someone to replace her will be difficult as I don't understand what went wrong this time.

eviethehamster Thu 20-Apr-17 01:47:35

Has this happened before OP?

Theycalledmethewildrose Thu 20-Apr-17 01:58:02

Sorry to read this has happened. It is upsetting especially as it is all so sudden. Your priority has to be finding somebody else and accepting the previous nanny is not returning. Did you really not have any idea she was unhappy? Did you have regular conversations where you could both discuss anything relating to the children and the children's behaviour?

I think I would write to her thanking her for what she has done for your family and asking her what exactly was not right for her. Ask her to be specific so you can use it as a learning tool.

Be prepared though that she might not reply and it is possible she was unhappy in your home.. I imagine it can be hard for somebody living in your home to criticise or say they don't like certain things.

I don't think there is any point telling her she should have spoken to you and given you an opportunity to fix things if possible though I would still say this to her.

I would also tell her that you have been left high and dry and you will have to mention this in any future references.

DRDG Thu 20-Apr-17 02:46:09

Eviethehamster No, never.

Wildrose, this was a live out role. part time only, after school help a few afternoons per week. She helped me with the school run and after school activities. There was very little time spent in our home as the kids have lots going on after school and her role was to help me get them to and from play dates and activities - we split up for the activities with me taking one child to one activity and her being with the other, and so on. The nanny was a capable and cheerful person who never made any complaints about the role, so this cold and abrupt ending his email is actually quite unexpected. There was an incident when the boys misbehaved around her, we addressed straight away and they apologised, but her email is worded in a way which makes me think there was more.
I'm worried.
I agree that there is a chance she may not respond but I hope she will see my side of it and at least clarify.

OldGuard Thu 20-Apr-17 02:55:06

I had a nanny do this once - she told the agency something and me something else - the thing she told the agency they reported to me and we were able to prove it false through the security camera system

Found out later through agency she took a much higher paid job with very wealthy family and so just wanted a way out of her contract with us (and we paid her very very well - way over market - but other family paid twice what we did - she met them at the park when minding out children there - they saw she was great, approached her then and there with offer) - live and learn

Moral of story - sometimes there is no reason other than money

Hopefully she'll write back and give you more information - but you may need to accept that sometimes it's just the way it goes

user1492232552 Thu 20-Apr-17 03:22:38

Let it go, I had a nanny leave us after 4 years for an extra 50p per hour pay rise, truth was the other lady had a nicer house etc.
My kids had to watch her picking up the new kids at the school gate, it was pretty upsetting all round.
Oh and according to mumsnet it was my fault somehow.

Theycalledmethewildrose Fri 21-Apr-17 02:17:45

If a live out/part time role only, then I expect she was offered more hours and better pay elsewhere. It happened to me as well, she left our family where she was doing a four day week (38 hours per week) to go to a family who wanted her for five days. I was so upset, especially as we really only needed her for 32 hours a week but I always increased it in order to increase her salary not leave us

I would still try to get to the bottom of the email though as you sound worried.

user1492232552 Fri 21-Apr-17 02:35:52

Try a live in au pair, that's not without issues but they are always (generally) home and since the roof over their head is dependant on the job you at least tend to get a bit more notice when they do want to move on. It was the only way for me as a single mum to work.

StringyPotatoes Fri 21-Apr-17 09:59:42

It must be heartbreaking and to resign with such short notice via email is unacceptable but just because you felt things were going well doesn't mean she did.

I worked part time for a family for over a year and I knew the family liked me as they were offering me more hours/days but when a full-time, live in role came up that also allowed me time to study I left (albeit with several months notice and left at the end of my contract)
They felt I fit in their family but I didn't. There was nothing I could talk to them about. It was just personality differences. I liked doing the hours I was doing for them but couldn't see myself doing any more.

Nannying is so personal and quite an intimate job. You really have to "click" or it won't last, unfortunately.

Believeitornot Fri 21-Apr-17 16:13:26

It doesn't sound the job was enough for her and she found one with better hours. Just one of those things

NuffSaidSam Sun 23-Apr-17 02:31:27

I would guess that she found a full-time or at least a more full-time job. That's a big problem with after-school nannies, nearly all of them are using after-school nannying as a stop gap before finding full-time work.

Leaving without adequate notice is not on though. What does your contract stipulate re. notice? Will her holiday cover her notice period?

underneaththeash Wed 26-Apr-17 20:21:19

As nuffsaid said...it is really difficult to find good after school only help and I expect that she's just found a better job. I really wouldn't take it personally.

I always found with part-time nannies, they stayed longer if they already had something to fill the remaining hours (ie uni, another job, a course), or they'd already done those hours in a role before.I can be difficult to find someone outside London - we now have au pairs.

OldGuard Wed 26-Apr-17 20:32:53

I only ever hired after school nannies from College / university - guaranteed them 20 hours a week - the two we had stayed for 3 years each - was great

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