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Shutting down when you like someone - relationships.

(6 Posts)
geneshiss Fri 18-Jan-19 21:35:44

I wonder if anyone else experiences this. I'm autistic and really struggle with change in my day to day life, which makes getting into relationships scary and stressful.

I met a man though online dating and met up last week and really got along. I really liked him, looked forward to his texts, couldn't wait to see him again.

I met him again and I've completely shut down. I feel numb when I think about him, totally flat. I like to hear from him still but I find it stressful now, because I feel guilty that I don't feel I like him as much as I did before. But I know I would be upset if he stopped contacting me.

This happened with my ex boyfriend. I liked him, then when things happened between us I completely shut down and the above happened. However I worked through it and we ended up falling in love and having a lovely relationship. We are still friends.

What I'm trying to say is that this reaction doesn't necessarily mean I don't like him, it's my brain reacting against change and trying to adjust but finding it too much.

I just want to know if anyone else reacts like this? It makes what should be a fun time of getting to know each other full of stress.

Tenpenny Fri 18-Jan-19 21:42:14

I did this throughout my twenties, in hindsight it was a fear of intimacy and /or gut instinct trying to tell me this boyfriend wasnt the best choice.. 🙄
Sounds like in your case you are just being overwhelmed by the various emotions. Its good that you know how to work through it, at least?

geneshiss Fri 18-Jan-19 21:46:31

I'm in my twenties, I think it is a way of protecting myself as well. As soon as something seems like it good be something serious, this happens. I feel so much guilt about it, which only adds to the onslaught of emotions.

Tenpenny Fri 18-Jan-19 21:49:14

Is there something about being in a serious, committed relationship that scares you?

geneshiss Sat 19-Jan-19 11:15:10

No not on a conscious level, it's the change to my every day life hah scares me. I've been in a relationship before where this happened and then I adjusted and all was fine. It's just so frustrating because I feel so numb to it that I want to hibernate at the moment

toffee1000 Sat 19-Jan-19 20:51:37

Perhaps knowing that you managed to get through the feeling before could help? Obviously it’s frustrating now, of course. I guess it is just the change in situation. I’m also in my 20s and have never been in a relationship, no kissing or dates or anything, mainly due to self-confidence issues and not really putting myself out there. I do wonder how I’ll react to a relationship in the future, since I’ve not had one before.

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