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Love your asd?

(23 Posts)
tobee Mon 05-Mar-18 15:36:23

My dd is in her early 20s and was diagnosed last year. She's high functioning. Although she's pretty happy but wishes she didn't have asd.

Inspired by another thread I thought I'd ask: what do you like about having asd? Being autistic?

Personally, I think my dd is great and that her asd contributes to that.


SpringerLink Tue 06-Mar-18 11:53:22

I do. But then I’m from a family where my brothers and parents also have ASD, my job has a high frequency of ASD and ASD traits are really quite useful for the job I do, and so my own little world is really well set up for it.

I don’t like my ASD when I have to venture out of my bubble. I really feel for my (probable) ASD son at a huge mainstream primary and really wish he didn’t have ASD.

Mixed blessing, for sure.

Kingsclerelass Mon 23-Apr-18 12:58:58

My ability to focus, and what my dsis calls relentless logic.

It helps with buying things for good value. I don't get hung up on the frilly marketing detail and tend to buy good quality basics.

And with things that need to be done even if they aren't much fun. I tend to get on with them. I'm good with finances.

Like Springer, I'm confident on my own territory but know I will say the wrong thing in company so I tend to avoid social groups, and keep quiet if I have to go somewhere.

SadieHH Mon 23-Apr-18 17:11:40

I love my own company and I love my obsessions. I can't imagine my life without the books and characters that fill my mind constantly. What on Earth do other people think about?

Nikephorus Mon 23-Apr-18 19:25:16

I don’t like my ASD when I have to venture out of my bubble.
This ^^. When I'm home I'm fine, but on the rare occasion I have to do something properly social I struggle a lot with anxiety. I wouldn't get rid of my autism but the anxiety really sucks (particularly at the moment).

tobee Tue 24-Apr-18 13:01:09

Ooh, thanks for these new replies!

Mogleflop Tue 24-Apr-18 18:02:23

I guess it's what you love about yourself more than anything else, as it's hard to distinguish autism from your actual personality and so on.

I agree that life as an autistic person isn't all bad and I'm generally better "with" myself now I'm past those insecure 20s - your daughter will probably get more confident as she gets older too.

But having said that, please don't talk over her if and when she says it's not a good thing, or do that irritating "aspergirl" superpower nonsense, or try to make her focus on what's good about it all.

I don't know about her or anyone else but I get thoroughly sick of experts telling me in cheery voices that Autism Is A Good Thing Too You Know. If it was we wouldn't be diagnosed. There's a reason it's labelled as a disability and in my view it's the correct label. I am increasingly exhausted with a life that apparently stresses me out more than others around me, and in ways I just can't be bothered to keep articulating, or ways I don't know how to articulate.

So ... maybe she will just need more understanding and sympathy from you than others do. She'll work the good stuff out if it's there for her in her own time.

tobee Fri 04-May-18 18:55:08

Thanks for your reply @Mogleflop. I tend to find I'm constantly trying to get the balance right between her just sounding off and also talking about her positives; which is probably just a slightly selfish mother trying to fix things reaction. Actually, I very much appreciated it when my daughter gives me a verbal "what for" when I'm doing this too much.

I feel incredibly uneducated still.

AuntyJackiesBrothersSistersBoy Sat 19-May-18 09:35:04

I’m just happy, following late diagnosis, that I know “why”. I’m like others who say I’m happy in my own space. I don’t need lots of people around me and if I do have to attend something sociable I have a sense of dread/discomfort leading up to it; am aware of how different I am during it and then feel utterly knackered following it. Why on earth would I want to do that, say 2/3 times a week. I have very sociable friends who think I’m a bit odd not wanting to do stuff they’re planning but really, I have NO idea of their need to be here and there socialising each weekend. It’s just not on my agenda.

MumUnderTheMoon Wed 22-Aug-18 21:01:48

I wouldn’t give up being autistic for anything. There are negative aspects but I wouldn’t give up the positives to be rid of them. My favourite thing is my self assurance. I don’t care about other people’s good opinions which means that peer pressure doesn’t work on me. I come at problems from a completely different direction from other people I know so I can offer up completely original ideas. I think autistic people are essential. We need a world full of people who are able to offer up different life experiences and we are part of that.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks Wed 22-Aug-18 21:05:36

I've only been bothered by it since being diagnosed. I think that NT people have got things wrong and we OTS have got things right.

AuntyJackiesBrothersSistersBoy Sun 07-Oct-18 19:56:47

I accept my own autism. Was late diagnosed with Aspergers last year.

My son’s type of autism is so much more debilitating and he finds it impossible to mask/fit in. We’ve tried many many social outlets but he can’t do it. He does express a desire to be less isolated though.

tobee Thu 15-Nov-18 21:25:09

@AuntyJackiesBrothersSistersBoy, @PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks and @MumUnderTheMoon I'm just catching up on this thread. I just wanted to say thank you and find your replies very interesting.

Bagadverts Fri 07-Dec-18 08:16:25

I'm not sure I'd go as far as hate, almost and if there was a choice I'd definitely be NT. it would make life so much easier for me. I need my structure and haven't been able to hold down paid employment.

PleaseStopThis Thu 13-Dec-18 07:53:36

I hate being autistic, especially being unable to hold down a job and struggling to make friends (I enjoy socialising but am in the "many acquaintances, very few real friends" category...)
However, my (male) DP, intriguingly, seems to have a female-typical asd presentation. I don't even know if he'd get diagnosed, as a man. (As a side note I find it fascinating how we've been affected differently by asd as a result of different social experiences and expectations for men and women.)
Anyway, DP is such a wonderful, kind, caring person, so honest too. When I see him being him, it strikes me that the world would be a much better place if everyone was like that - the asd traits of focusing on fairness, truthfulness, talking through what others are actually thinking rather than the NT way of making it up, the lack of pointless stressful tasks and mindless consumerism... Ah it'd be bliss!

tobee Thu 13-Dec-18 20:47:22

Thanks again for the responses.

It makes me sad (but maybe not surprised) that people don't like their asd; and can't hold down work. I don't really see why this should be apart from there being such a tiny amount of understanding in the typical neurotypical employer.

People are being let down here. Maybe I'm wrong but I don't see much help coming from the NAS, or anyone else, to help autistic people who often have a lot to offer. angry& sad

tobee Thu 13-Dec-18 20:49:09

They really do have a lot to offer, I'm not just saying that.

PleaseStopThis Fri 21-Dec-18 15:36:47

I don't really see why this should be apart from there being such a tiny amount of understanding in the typical neurotypical employer.

For me, the difficulty with employment is the sheer amount of time and energy it takes. Perhaps if I had someone to do everything else for me - a 1950s housewife maybe? - I'd be able go work right now.

It's incredibly frustrating being able to do most things, but not at the same time. Actually this is my main ASD trait/problem.

tobee Mon 21-Jan-19 01:20:04

Wow that's a very interesting post, @PleaseStopThis. An interesting way of looking at it.

BlackeyedGruesome Mon 21-Jan-19 13:51:52

I probably have ASD, I definitely have hEDS I am knackered all the bloody time as I do not sleep well, can not organise myself to get to bed. get exhausted by doing the ordinary stuff of life,

I used to work full time, then part time, then I had kids who also both have ASD and one hypermobility syndrome which many think is the same as hEDS thus they require more care than your average kid.

I do not like my autism, (possible autism) it just makes everything so much more difficult, especially navigating schools and support for children, and interactions with the professionals who interpret everything through NT eyes.

KeysToTheCastle Fri 25-Jan-19 00:18:04

Thank you PleaseStop! I think you have articulated what I've been trying to work out... I am struggling more than is 'normal' with the typical life that includes full time work and family life.

I was diagnosed about 2 months ago. I thought/think I was/am? A bit thick and severely lacking in self discipline.

I love my job and I love my family. But I'm permanently exhausted and my brain feels like it's soaked in treacle and about to explode at the same time.

Maybe it just is as simple as it all being too much.

OnlineAlienator Fri 25-Jan-19 00:24:31

I love being the way i am, i just cannot at all empathise with another way of being. I feel no envy or sadness about not having proper friends etc. But i think it has held me back careerwise and i wish people could just get over the fact you dont feel like socialising with them or whatever.

Gah, its late, this probably isnt articulated very well grin

tobee Fri 25-Jan-19 20:14:04

I think people have articulated extremely well.

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