Starting to panic a bit

[hiddenhome2]

I have my asd assessment on Friday. I'm paying privately with savings that I'll need to replace next year.

I'm so scared that I've got this all wrong and I don't have it I feel as though I do, but what if I don't? What will I be then?

I've trawled through my social services record and it's littered with observations of how I didn't join in with other children and how I didn't form relationships with them. Anxiety, tantrums, disturbed, a phobia, withdrawal, but what if it was just down to my disrupted childhood? Surely it wouldn't have meant that I'd spend my entire life avoiding social situations and others. It wouldn't explain the sensory difficulties would it?

A horrible comment from a psychiatrist which described me as 'superficial and self-centred' I was only five. It seems like a harsh thing to write

What if I'm just a weird, antisocial misfit with a bad history?

[hiddenhome2]

Yes, I've gathered lots of evidence from my notes. I don't know if I've ever had an NHS diagnosis of anything. I saw psychs as an adolescent.

Asd seems to be the only thing that 'fits'.

[hiddenhome2]

All the tests I've done, both online and for her have indicated that I'm ND.

[Ineedmorepatience]

Who the hell calls a 5 yr old superficial! That is just bonkers.

I have a mixed history too Hidden but my sister has the same past and she does not have Asd!

Flippant I know but having a shite childhood doesnt make me need to eat the same cereal using the same bowl and spoon every day! And it doesnt make me unable to wear perfume, clothes with tags or join in at parties!

I hope your assessment goes well , I am sure if you have got as far as paying for a private assessment then you have pretty much figured it out for yourself!

Good luck

[hiddenhome2]

Omg, I have to use the same bowl and spoon for my cereal too!

That's made me laugh

[hiddenhome2]

I am pretty ridiculous because I've bought vintage perfume from ebay, but can't stand wearing them. I also download music on iTunes then can't listen to it

Acrylic sweaters freak me out

[Ineedmorepatience]

I only wear hoodies! And I dont mean I mainly wear hoodies, I do actually only wear them! With a vest top and a tshirt underneath!
If its hot I may remove the hoody but will rarely go down to one layer!
I always wear skinny jeans in winter and cropped cargo trousers in summer!
Thats it!

Take me or leave me, thats what I say

[hiddenhome2]

I like jeans with a cotton top. I get too hot, even in winter. I don't have any dresses or skirts. I bought four pairs of identical Skechers trainers cos I find them comfortable

[PhilPhilConnors]

Good luck on Friday.
You told me who it was who is assessing you, I have since been recommended her by someone else, so hopefully you'll be in safe, knowledgeable hands

[disorganisedmummy]

hi Hidden,I've got my assessment on friday too.One minute I think that it's very likely that I have ASD and another I think I can't possibly.I also worry what would happen if I don't have it.It won't explain why I feel like this and I'll be back to square 1.My assessment is in the morning 10-12.What time is yours? Do you think you would be able to come on here and share your experience?I will too.
Good Luck.xx

[disorganisedmummy]

Thanks polter,I'm suddenly feeling very alone with it all.My mum sent emailed the Lorna Wing a detailed developmental history in which she said that I had what was possibly a speech delay (I didn't talk till I was 3).Thsi was put down to me having a hearing problem but now i wonder if it was a speech delay and that with other issues may indicate HFA as opposed to Aspergers.It was quite hard to read.If anything it will be harder to cope if I don't have ASD than if I do.

[hiddenhome2]

Ooo, hi everyone

There's two of us for Friday then.

disorganised I can totally relate to how you feel. Some days I'm absolutely convinced, then the next I'm panicking that it's just another one of my obsessions and I'm barking up the wrong tree

My assessment starts at 09:30 and will take four hours. I'm worried that I get tired. I also hope they don't give me lots of IQ type puzzles and tests as I can't concentrate very well on stuff like that.

The only info I can't give is if I had speech delay. I don't think I did though.

Phil I'll let you know what she's like

I'm going to be devastated if I don't have it. I'll be catapulted back into weirdo loner land

[disorganisedmummy]

My god it's like listening to myself Hidden. I will also be devastated if I don't have it. I will then feel like a freak. I massively overthink things and I'm worried that I've done this and it's all in my head or one of my obsessions. However Judith Gould must think there's something there or she wouldn't bother assessing me.

[hiddenhome2]

No, it's okay disorganised, we do need these assessments. Something has obviously struck a chord and we wouldn't be doing it if we weren't struggling in our lives.

I look around me and see everyone else going about their business seemingly happy, at ease and comfortable in their surroundings and with their interactions. Even the miserable buggers appear to be confident and functioning well

[hiddenhome2]

Hey, if we do 'fail' our assessments, we can always ask MNHQ to give us a weird, asocial freak section

[disorganisedmummy]

Love that idea hidden!! My assessment is 2 hours and I will get an answer that day. Will you? Mine doesn't seem particularly long which worries me a bit. Guess I'll have to wait and see

[hiddenhome2]

What sort of questions do they ask/areas covered?

Do you have to do tests?

I've done some questionnaires already.

I don't know if I'll find out on the day. I hope I do.

[disorganisedmummy]

I assume they will go over your childhood and so on. I haven't filled in any questionnaires. I'm wondering which diagnostic thingy she will use-DISCO or ADOS. When ds1 was assessed they used DISCO. I'm told it's more thorough but not sure if that's right.

[disorganisedmummy]

I've done lots of online tests too but in worried they may think they're silly. I haven't made any notes yet but I probably will. My DH is coming and I'm wondering whether to ask him to make some notes. What do people think?

[hiddenhome2]

Yes, make notes. All information is important and might help.

[onlyoneboot]

Good luck to you both I am mid assessment and I so wish it had been in one intense session. I've had two appointments, an hour and a half each, and another next week. I really hope that's it because it's so draining and I just need to know now. Be sure to have something nourishing planned for after. And yes to notes, I took piles of my haphazard thoughts/tests, which in themselves illustrated my executive function difficulties, apparently. I thought they were quite organised

[Allofaflumble]

Good luck Hidden and Disorganised. I will be thinking of you both tomorrow. Disorganised there is a nice little cafe up the hill to your left. My son came with me and we had an egg and chips type meal sitting outside. This was in August though.