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Messed, up and losing my mind.

(1 Post)
chicken66 Wed 01-Nov-17 18:12:11

Hello i'm new to this site but need some advice or something. Last year my first love contacted me via Facebook. Every thing in me was telling to leave it alone and just say hello but please leave me alone. He's married and i'm in a long term relationship. Well it's been a rollercoaster of emotions for 17 months the feelings i had for him all those years ago have somehow come flooding back. We have met twice since the first contact we have kissed but nothing more. The desire to take things further is certainly there but i can't go there as i know it would be a huge mistake. He has flip flopped with contact over this time gone from constant messages with declarations of love etc.Then just nothing and ignoring me. To telling me he loves another? It's so crazy i know. Now he has told me he will contact me if he should want to. Blocked me from social media but still not done so on his phone. I did something really stupid and text him saying i was willing to sleep with him to which he said no. I know i'm acting like a crazy person but i can't help it. I'm drinking to much just to numb the pain. I'm not sleeping or eating. What the hell is wrong with me i'm risking everything for someone who doesn't care? Where di go from here? I feel so lost and broken inside but trying to keep it together on the outside. All the while guilt is eating me up because my partner is lovely and doesn't deserve any of this. Please help me?

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