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Can I impose rules on divorced parent seeing kids?

(12 Posts)
jenshut Sun 20-Mar-16 17:37:11

Hi,
My ex and I divorced last year. We have a 5 year old and a 4 year old, both boys.he pays me £100 every month or two, and has started letting me take the boys over to spend the weekend with him. I recently discovered he thinks it perfectly safe to let both boys use heavy lorries and machinery such as winches. He also only gives them a pizza for lunch and nothing else til they get home next day. As we have already settled the divorce can I now go back and impose rules and safety first bits on his visits? I am worried about the boys but don't know what I can do! Many thanks in advance jen

ByThePrickingOfMyThumbs Sun 20-Mar-16 17:41:29

Child contact arrangements are separate from divorce proceedings so yes you can. Is his contact court ordered or an informal arrangement between the two of you?

jenshut Sun 20-Mar-16 18:26:54

The arrangement was just between ourselves. Until recently lay he hadn't wanted them to come over, he just comes for his tea twice a week to see them.

trollopolis Sun 20-Mar-16 18:29:27

You can't really impose rules on him as such, but you can restrain him from dangerous activities (such as using heavy machinery) by withholding contact if necessary.

Concentrate on that. Whatever your views on pizza, that's never going to be a reason to suspend contact.

RB68 Sun 20-Mar-16 18:37:19

irregular meals ie lunch and then nothing till the next day, is not good enough for children that young. It is neglect not to feed them and that is an issue

jenshut Sun 20-Mar-16 18:39:35

Many thanks to all, I'll dig into it deeper. And I don't think I really said what I meant about the pizza, he gave them one pizza between them for Saturday lunch then nothing until they came home on Sunday afternoon.

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp Sun 20-Mar-16 18:41:02

How would you 'police' your rules?

How do you know for sure they were only offered one pizza?

jenshut Sun 20-Mar-16 18:46:14

That's what I don't know. I know that was all he gives them as he tells me what they've had and both boys agree. I don't know how to trust him not to let them use the winches, etc. He says that once they hurt themselves they'll know not to do it again. I think he also allows them to use axes, and play around an open wood range to get hot water.

Branleuse Sun 20-Mar-16 18:46:35

he allows a 4 and 5 year old to use lorries?? As in drive them? How

And what do you mean he lets them use winches.

What on earth for?

I couldnt give a shit about the odd day of pizza

BombadierFritz Sun 20-Mar-16 18:49:10

Really branleuse? So one meal a day is acceptable is it?

jenshut Sun 20-Mar-16 18:51:03

He has numerous old lorries which he takes to shows. He also uses a large Lorry to move things around at home. A couple of weeks ago he stood the 4 year old in a trailer and told him not to move, then took the 5 year old to the top of the lorrys back and showed him how to operate the winch to move it around, while he went back down to the ground to connect the winch line to the thing he was moving.

Branleuse Sun 20-Mar-16 21:31:23

not great, but not on the same level as allowing small children to operate heavy machinery and drive lorries, which what i assumed from the first post.

Update doesnt make it sound quite as bad as i originally thought, but you definitely need to discuss safety

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