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Baby-proofing your marriage - online chat with author CathyO Neill, Monday 26th Feb 9pm

(266 Posts)
carriemumsnet (MNHQ) Thu 22-Feb-07 10:53:25

Cathy O Neill is co-author of Baby-proofing your marriage - How to Laugh More, Argue Less and Communicate Better as Your Family Grows and will be answering your relationship queries live here on Monday 26th Feb from 9-10pm.

We've got five copies of the book to give to the first five members to join the live discussion, but if you can't make the live chat, you can post your questions in advance below.

Thanks and hope to see you on Monday


morningpaper Thu 22-Feb-07 13:33:01

This is more a comment than a question...

I've read reviews of this book and have been TOTALLY put off by the authors' key to fixing your marriage in five minutes: a weekly blow job.

Am I the only person who finds this a hugely depressing reductionist view of men?

itsmeNDaveP Thu 22-Feb-07 13:36:08

Really, mp ?!

I don't know this woman from Adam (or Eve) but the idea that a weekly blow job will solve any marriage problems is bizarre. TBH, if I read that on a 'self-help' book, it would immediately be put back on the shelf.

vavacroft Thu 22-Feb-07 16:32:44

how can I improve my libido and get back to who I was before, considering my 15 months old child has never really slept through the night and therefore I feel so exhausted.
I feel unable to relax and we have got no family to help us out with our baby...
Please help!!

jay9 Thu 22-Feb-07 19:02:14

I find it very difficult to feel sexy and attractive anymore with a saggy belly and loads of stretch marks. Plus being a Mum doesn't feel very glamorous so it's really hard to get in the mood. Any suggestions?

Doublevay Thu 22-Feb-07 19:47:36

What advice would Cathy give to mums who have to combine motherhood with full or part-time work on how to cope with exhaustion, guilt and keeping their marriage safe?

morningpaper Thu 22-Feb-07 20:10:11

Hmm there is something about the book that winds me up already... I think it's the "baby proofing" - as though a marriage is something you need to prevent your child getting into, the same way that you baby-proof the sockets and the medicine cupboard...

Hmm and the use of the default marital paradigm makes me uncomfy. <shudder>

And why is this aimed at women? Why can't I find a single male reviewer of this book?

Bu the five-minute fix to your marriage being the Weekly Blow Job - I think this annoys me because it is assuming that the woman is the GIVER of sex and then man is the RECEIVER and again it's that awful message we hear so often that to be a successful woman you have to be GIVING out sex. See, if they'd made the Five Minute Fix cunnilingus I'd be nodding with approval.

But obviously I haven't actually READ the book and am quite good at pissing off authors so I might have to actually get a copy so I can make some more mature and considered comments...

Then I might have an actual question

VeniVidiVickiQV Thu 22-Feb-07 20:15:10


Stop angling for a free copy to read in advance

morningpaper Thu 22-Feb-07 20:17:01

Don't worry I've reserved a copy at the library

VeniVidiVickiQV Thu 22-Feb-07 20:17:12

I suppose it doesnt quite work for female same-sex civil partnerships either, MP [pernicket]

morningpaper Thu 22-Feb-07 20:17:30

Along with How To Build A Bloody Huge Deck For Your Big Cheesy Splash Pool

VeniVidiVickiQV Thu 22-Feb-07 20:17:43

MP, just remember - "You cannot afford a lawsuit"

VeniVidiVickiQV Thu 22-Feb-07 20:18:11

Totally misread the the word "deck" then

morningpaper Thu 22-Feb-07 20:18:35

Or what about two dads? Do they need a Ten Minute Fix?

yellowpoo Thu 22-Feb-07 20:19:15

Thought having a baby was part of my marriage, a development of our lives together. Things changed but after nine months we are as we were, plus one more, if anythig closer.

Our relationship certainly has'nt nose dived because of the arrival of DS.

Baby addition, not baby proof!

VeniVidiVickiQV Thu 22-Feb-07 20:21:00

WTF is a "10 minute fix"?

Sounds like a crack snack.

Davenid Thu 22-Feb-07 20:21:29

I find regular blow jobs do make life run smoothly though

morningpaper Thu 22-Feb-07 20:21:53

The authors recommend a blow job as a "Five Minute Fix" for the marriage once a week

So you know, if you TWO jobs needing blowing...

VeniVidiVickiQV Thu 22-Feb-07 20:23:32

Surely they can be efficient and do both at the same time?

morningpaper Thu 22-Feb-07 20:24:28

GAH think of the VIEW

VeniVidiVickiQV Thu 22-Feb-07 20:26:42


oliveoil Thu 22-Feb-07 20:27:55

well she has got a point

2 children in 22 months nearly killed us

blowjobs or not (mainly not)

fine now, but dd2 is 2.6yrs so light is appearing at the end of the tunnel


there, that's a short book

Chapter 1: Talk
The End

That will be £100K advance please.

morningpaper Thu 22-Feb-07 20:31:04

I think they are a bit small VVVQV

obviously your child-rearing has had a terrible emasculating effect on your husband

VeniVidiVickiQV Thu 22-Feb-07 20:32:26

Well, if your DH got a 5 minute fix each week, his wouldnt be as burgeoning as they are.

oliveoil Thu 22-Feb-07 20:34:25


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