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Reassure me - what's the worst thing your DCs have said in public?

(334 Posts)
bethylou Wed 05-May-10 22:25:03

Whilst feeding DS2 (11 weeks) early this morning, DS1 (2.1years) was watching the Tweenies and the characters were pinching each other. He and I chatted about how pinching is naughty etc..

We went to the post office at lunchtime where he proceeded to lie on the floor screeching, "Don't pinch me Mummy!" at the top of his voice (because I had intervened in his attempts to empty a huge display of cotton reels). I obviously wasn't pinching him and hopefully people could see that, but it sounded as if that is what I usually do.

Reassure me that your DCs have said similarly embarrassing things. I wanted the ground to swallow me up, said, "I would never pinch you sweetheart," and left as quickly as a toddler, 11 week old and mum can do!!

ChippingIn Thu 06-May-10 02:53:37

I was looking after my friends little boy, (3.5 at the time), we were at the park and he went up to a woman who was very overweight and very innocently, genuinely curious, asked her if she had got so fat because she ate too many pies.... I was shock, blush, confused...... I mean, why didn't the silly sod just ask me - I've hardly got washboard abs!

QueenThistle Thu 06-May-10 03:05:34

haha these are brilliant!

Especially loved gladitsover's 'Help me lady!


sunnydelight Thu 06-May-10 06:37:01

DS(8) to a mother in the school yard as reported by my friend: "No, your son can't come to our house again because my mummy wouldn't like it. Last time he came she told me to never ask for him to play again. He's rude and has no table manners but that's not really his fault because he must have learnt it from you". blush

MamaG Thu 06-May-10 06:47:24

DD once said to a complete stranger (male) "I can smell your willy"

mortified is NOT the word

weegiemum Thu 06-May-10 06:54:33

My dd1 sat on the loo in the Mens toilets at age about 20 months (out with dh on her own) and sang a song of her own making, which said something like

"I wiiiiiish I haaaaad a wiiiiiiilllllly"

Dh said he had to wait until he was sure there was noone there until he opened the cubicle door!

JackBauerIsZonerrific Thu 06-May-10 06:58:39

DD1. In Gatwick. Waiting on flight to North Africa.
Group of Muslim ladies with headscarves.

Mummy! Look at those silly girls, they are playing hide and seek but they are doing it wrong. One of you has to COUNT.
They're silly, aren't they mummy?

On the flight.
Mummy, that man in front did a fartpants.
<<My mum and I make frsantic shushing noises>>
But he DID and it SMELLS. Bleurgh! yuck!

4 hour flight. This is why we don't go on holiday.

Oh and she called her sister a 'cheeky wee bitch' the other day in Tesco, god know where that came from.

tartyhighheels Thu 06-May-10 07:27:29

"My mummy never wears knickers"..... to my obstetrician blush

ohmeohmy Thu 06-May-10 07:31:59

ds used to shout 'help' loudly and repeatedly as I pushed him around town.

Moleyisvotinggreen Thu 06-May-10 07:45:39

DD (then 2.6) was very interested in her sister's birth which we explained factually...

When DD2 was born we were at a bus stop and an old lady (80s probably) peeked into the sling and cooed over the baby. She then asked DD1 if she liked having a sister. DD1 replied 'yes. She came out of my Mama's vulva in our living room and she was all gooooooooooey"


NorkilyChallenged Thu 06-May-10 07:57:26

Oh god this thread is hilarious.

Lovecat - that is seriously one of the funniest things ever. Obviously not at the time, but really really funny grin

waitingforbedtime Thu 06-May-10 08:08:33

At nursery they were going round in a circle and saying what made them happy and sad. Ds (3) said mummy giving him cuddles made him happy and daddy hitting him made him sad!! blush he has never even been so much as smacked ever.

It is my commupance though for embarrassing my reluctantly babysitter of a teenage brother when I was 5 and screaming 'I dont know this man, I need my mummmmmmmmmmmmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee' when he tried to get me to leave a shop in front of all hsi friends and girlfriend!

cocolepew Thu 06-May-10 08:13:01

DD2 was walking down the aisle at Tesco behind a larger lady, top ofvoice " WOW! Wide load ahead! back up" and reversed up the aisle beeping like a lorry.

Last year at JFK airport a grop of women in burkas (?) were walking towards DD2 who screamed "It's the bad ninjas!" (From the Sarah Jane Adventures)

Saltire Thu 06-May-10 08:13:34

I was in the toilets in St Andrews once with DS2 who was aobut 3/4 at the time. he was in teh cubicle with me (as you do) and he said "MUM<WHAT'S A B-L-O-W J-O-B?"
so I said shh, "no but look, it's here on the door in pen, ring Kim and she'll give you a blow job, can i ring her and ask what it is" "will I get dad to ring her if you're scared" and on and on and on

shoptilidrop Thu 06-May-10 08:22:55

love this thread. DD 4 is constantly saying things like this.
i have got used to the embarassment and just remember that when i am old, i will get her to take me out and i shall behave like a mental loon and embarass her to the same degree...


hairyclaireyfairy Thu 06-May-10 08:24:02

lol at these
My dd when she was 2 saw an old lady hobbling along and shouted to me "she'll be dead soon, won't she"

OrmRenewed Thu 06-May-10 08:24:10

There was the fat man incident.

DS#2 was about 2.5 sitting on my shoulders at an ATM. At the next machine there was an ENORMOUS man. DS'2 stared at him for a bit and then said in a normal 2yr old loud voice:

"Mummy look at that fat man! Why is he soooo fat?"

Bloke was about 3 ft away from us. Mummy went a bit red and ignored DS.

"Mummy, I said look at that fat man!"

Mummy muttered furiously 'shhh DS!'.

"But he's really fat mummy! Mummy why aren't you talking to me?"

DD and DS#1 had scuttled off to hide.

Me: "DS, please be quiet"

"Why mummy. But he is fat!"

Finished at ATM and hurried off after the other DC throwing apologetic and blushing look at man (who looked resigned to it poor bugger sad). DS still throwing out comments about how fat the man was and why wasn't I talking to him....


Deemented Thu 06-May-10 08:25:43

DS was about three when i was suddenly cut up by a car on a roundabout. Cue a little voice from the backseat...

'Mammy, was that man a fucking numpty?'


But that was nothing to the fact that he announced to the entire school playground that...

'My mammy has a vagina. My mammy's vagina is big and very scary...'

racmac Thu 06-May-10 08:26:28

cocolepew - im in hysterics grin

waiting for nursery door to open with all the other parents

DS who was 3 at time said at the top of voice
"will somebody please open the fucking door"

I was mortified

OrmRenewed Thu 06-May-10 08:26:29

scary??? <splutter>

whomovedmychocolate Thu 06-May-10 08:27:33

We were out having lunch and I said to DD (3) 'do you think Daddy will be out in the garden putting the plants in?'

'No silly!' she replied loudly 'he'll be sitting on his arse on his computer again'. hmm



(She was right btw).

PixieOnaBallotBox Thu 06-May-10 08:32:26

These are so funny!

We were waiting at the airport once with DD1 who was about 3. As the flight was delayed, we were taking her round Duty Free in an attempt to stem the boredom.

In one shop, she ran up to the counter and, before I could stop her, shouted:

'Excuse me shop lady, can I buy your vagina? Mummy left hers at home.'

We couldn't get on the plane fast enough.

BitOfFun Thu 06-May-10 09:02:09

When giving a rather prim ex-head teacher friend of my mum's a lift in my car, my then 4 year old dd1 spied a police car and yelled "Look out mum, here come the pigs!" hmm

I still don't know where she picked that up...

Saltire Thu 06-May-10 09:08:25

Then there was the time we were in the line waiting to go into nursery and DS2 (again, I don't know why I am not grey haired with the stress of looking after him grin) pipes up
"See Mrs X (nursery teacher), well her husband is a murderer"
All the parents looked up, and he continued
"he is he murdered our dog , he chopped it up into little bits and stuck it in a big hole he'd dug on the golf course, you know the big golf course in st Andrews"

Of course none of it was true, Mrs X's DH was a vet who'd had the sad job of putting our much loved dog to sleep 4 weeks prevously

meep Thu 06-May-10 09:12:08

dd1 sitting in the car when another car hits my wingmirror. Man who hit it comes up to my car and dd1 asks him "man, are you the baby Jesus?"

I just couldn't think why she had asked him this until the next time I was in a car incident and shouted "oh jesus" blush

dd1 still talks about the day baby jesus hit our car....

oricella Thu 06-May-10 09:22:03

DP took DD1 (3) swimming and got mortified in the changing rooms, when everyone could hear her exclaiming loudly "daddy, you have a wobbly bottom"

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