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How To Wind Up Your Parents - A Manual for Children

(350 Posts)
BellaBear Fri 19-Jun-09 08:04:02

1. When rummaging about the washing pile, make sure you find the oldest, most embarrassing pair of pants and put them on your head. When there are people round.

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion Fri 19-Jun-09 08:07:25

Message withdrawn

cocolepew Fri 19-Jun-09 08:08:49

3. When out in public start scratching your head manically saying "Mum are you sure the nits aren't back?"

BellaBear Fri 19-Jun-09 08:08:52

I don't often say this, but truthfully LOL.

flamingobingo Fri 19-Jun-09 08:11:35

4. When getting yourself food and/or drinks because your Mum's too lazy busy to get them right now, make as much mess as you possibly can and don't clear it up afterwards.

BellaBear Fri 19-Jun-09 08:13:12

5. Spend all day whinging at your mother and then when your father comes home give him your brightest smile. This will send your mother over the edge

BellaBear Fri 19-Jun-09 08:14:04

6. In fact, whinge in general.

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion Fri 19-Jun-09 08:15:13

Message withdrawn

cocolepew Fri 19-Jun-09 08:15:23

6. After spending hours trying on new shoes, finally buy a pair, come home and say "these are squeezing my toes a bit" Watch your mother sob.

cocolepew Fri 19-Jun-09 08:16:45

We might need to stop numberering these grin

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion Fri 19-Jun-09 08:17:10

Message withdrawn

flamingobingo Fri 19-Jun-09 08:17:11

grin at whacky numbering due to x-posts!

7. Turn out your whole drawer when looking for clothes to wear, and not put anything back afterwards.

GentleOtter Fri 19-Jun-09 08:17:14

Wait until you are completely muffled up for going out and then fill your nappy just as you are being put in the car.
Make sure it goes everywhere and seeps through to your vest and socks.

cocolepew Fri 19-Jun-09 08:18:24

Lose your entire school uniform.

In the house hmm

PuppyMonkey Fri 19-Jun-09 08:18:40

7. Wake up crying for no reason at 2am in the morning and then when your mum comes in to comfort you, scream: "Not YOU, I want daddeeeeeeeee!" (who is still fast asleep cos he's got his deaf head on}. angry

shootfromthehip Fri 19-Jun-09 08:20:43

Be aware all small people that repeating yourself even after you have been acknowledged is the way forwards. It will definately get you what you want. It is not even moderately annoying. At all. Honestly.

eg, 'Mummy, I saw an aeroplane. Mummy, aeroplane. Look Mummy, Aeroplane. Mummy I want an aeroplane. See it. MUMMY... I want an aeroplane. MUMMMYYYYYYYYYY'

'Yes I see it darling...'

'Mummy, look aeroplane. I want one. I want an aeroplane. Mummy see it? Look Mummy' etc, etc, etc

This behaviour will only make your relationship with your parent stronger. They will love it.

BellaBear Fri 19-Jun-09 08:31:42

Make that noise. You know, the one which isn't quite a cry but a general 'I'm not happy and I may start to cry soon'.

If your parents does what you want, reward them by making the noise again and again, because it obviously gets you what you want.

BellaBear Fri 19-Jun-09 08:36:27

Stamp on a packet of crisps. They'll adore that

ItsAllaBitNoisy Fri 19-Jun-09 08:43:33

Or indeed, stamp on a carton of juice, with the straw in. It makes a lovely fountain.

Do this with a many cartons as you can find.

Portofino Fri 19-Jun-09 08:46:11

Have to be dragged out of bed on a weekday at 7.30 and whinge loudly about getting dressed for school/brushing teeth etc. Then when it is the weekend, wake Mummy and Daddy up at 6.00 am, FULLY DRESSED and accessoried with jewellery and lipgloss, to infom them that you and the cat are both hungry and want some breakfast.

Portofino Fri 19-Jun-09 08:47:50

And be especially bright and cheery on those mornings when you KNOW your parents were drunk happy and dancing round the living room til 2am.....

JackBauer Fri 19-Jun-09 08:49:27

WHile you are stammping on them, take the cereal boxes out and jump on them so everyone gets crumbs for breakfast.

Quietly eat red crayons so that your parents think you are bleeding out of your arse when they change you.

shootfromthehip Fri 19-Jun-09 08:55:40

Chase the cat/ dog. It's hilarious. Seriously, you know they secretly love that adrenaline rush grin

thereistheball Fri 19-Jun-09 08:58:18

The best way to indicate that you've finished eating is to throw the leftovers all over the floor - unless it was Weetabix, in which case smear it on whatever surfaces are available: it will stick like glue and be a useful reminder to your mother never to feed you again to supervise you while you eat instead of vainly trying to tidy up.

thereistheball Fri 19-Jun-09 08:59:39

Also, your mother's most expensive face creams are almost as good at cleaning carpets as Sudocrem.

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