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What Not to Do - the stupidity thread

(1001 Posts)
littlelapin Sat 15-Sep-07 12:12:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ElenyaTuesday Sat 15-Sep-07 19:12:28

LOL at Mhamai - Michael Flatley aka Gandalf!

Why won't Desi come back and tell us the story!!!!???????

Neverenough Sat 15-Sep-07 19:15:47

That reminds me of when DD-the same one who ate sheep poo, incidentally-helped DH make a curry.She decided to try some chilli..... She went to the loo and didn't wash her hands as I told her to.....DH roared! Poor DD!

harrisey Sat 15-Sep-07 19:27:36

Let go of the mixer, leaning it against the edge of the bowl, when mixing chocloate cake mix, to scratch your nose.

It went so far, my Dad mentioned it in his speech when I got married!!

Lio Sat 15-Sep-07 22:18:34

Borrowed from a friend's dh, but true nonetheless:

Do not trim stray thread on the knee of your jeans with the jigsaw (tool not toy) you are using at that moment. Unless you didn't like the jeans much. Or your knee. And love going to A&E.

Threadworm Sun 16-Sep-07 11:25:32

1. Kick your wellies off and leave them on their side in the yard
2. Forget about them for a few days
3. Start putting them on without bothering to wear socks
4. Press bare foot onto toad.

arfishy Sun 16-Sep-07 11:54:04

Notice that DP has drunkenly left 4 extra large red wine glasses to drain in the gap between the screen and window.

Snort at how drunk and stupid DP is and then close the window with force.

Shatter 4 glasses over the entire kitchen.

Hoover up cursing DP. Find splintered glass in obscure places for the next 4 hours. Tread on glass. Hobble about for 7 days (and counting) muttering obscenities.

madamez Sun 16-Sep-07 12:01:10

Do not: leave buying of gazebo for trading out of to artist associate who wil buy one with no feet.
Allow associates to wander off to beer tent at bike show leaving oneself and DS in sole charge of unstable gazebo.
When gazebo does blow over, do not double the number of obscenties that DS now knows and his happy to recite at loud volume...

lanismum Sun 16-Sep-07 12:42:25

When your street is closed off for a Hells Angels funeral, do not reverse over one of their signs in front of about 20 of them.
They will take the piss.

bossybritches Sun 16-Sep-07 14:43:31

Do ; Carefuly extract hot casserole dish from oven wearing nice thick gloves.

Do Not; then proceed to strip off said protective gloves & try & take off (f-ing hot) lid with bare hand, dropping lid with great speed onto floor via your foot that has no shoe on thereby giving yourself a burnt AND crushed set of toes.

BIG ouch.....

littlelapin Sun 16-Sep-07 14:48:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MoosMa Sun 16-Sep-07 21:00:43

Do: Tie your shoe laces.

Don't: Pop out to put something in the bin at the other end of the garden in undone trainers, get spooked by a rustle in the bushes, run at full speed towards the house, lose one shoe, go faster than your feet, fall headlong on to the porch step. I am very scraped and very bruised

TerryStealthPolarBear Mon 17-Sep-07 07:12:29

especially at toad and the king of sweden

adelicatequestion Mon 17-Sep-07 09:14:55

Just a few days after DD1 was born, I nipped into Sainsburys for some milk (DD was in car seat in the car with DH).

I paid with a £10 note and asked for cash back!

TerryStealthPolarBear Mon 17-Sep-07 09:16:36

I quite often pay cash then hover with my hand over the pin machine!

Hurlyburly Mon 17-Sep-07 09:21:19

Drive your car to work, forget that you had driven to work, get the train home, find the car missing and report it stolen.

Desiderata Mon 17-Sep-07 09:22:10

Ha ha ha! That's a corker, Hurley grin

harpsichordcarrier Mon 17-Sep-07 09:26:55

do NOT make a flippant joke about Quakers just "because it is funny"
there is almost certainly bound to be a Quaker in the room. possibly two.

ShinyHappySchmooo Mon 17-Sep-07 09:31:30

Do not spray hair spray at your armpits mistaking it for deodorant (even if you ave a lovely crop of arm pit hair, presumably!)

Do not fall alseep giving a BJ. You will never hear the last of it.

Do not buy your kids bunk beds. You will soon be too old/fat/pregnant/unfit to get up there to change the sheets.

Stargazer Mon 17-Sep-07 09:32:13

Thank you - most enjoyable thread on here for a while. Now, dry eyes, clutch sore ribs and get back to the books.

Kewcumber Mon 17-Sep-07 09:35:27

when you are young and foolish and smoke, do NOT..

drop match in to (full) ashtray and...
realise said match was still alight and...
panic that you are going to burn the pub down (it's fireproof ffs sake - its an ASHTRAY) and...
blow on the match to put it out.

UNLESS you like a fine coating of ash on your face and clothes.

CristinaTheAstonishing Mon 17-Sep-07 09:48:48

Fantastic thread. I loved the haka one and the stock going down the drain. I'd never be doing the first but can quite see myself gazing at the second.

Hurlyburly Mon 17-Sep-07 09:50:57

This thread is calling to me - wonder why?

Do not go to Sainsburys, spend ages doing a massive shop, put it all through the checkout, then rummage around in your bag for your purse only to find you've left your purse at home.

Threadworm Mon 17-Sep-07 09:53:55

Kewcumber's reminds me of this one:

Do not:
Teach your toddler son to whistle and then put a bowl of Ready Brek in front of him before you have added the milk...
...unless you enjoy flaked-porridge blizzards.

(Come to think of it, do not teach your children to whistle under any circumstances.)

Threadworm Mon 17-Sep-07 09:56:09

Do not:

Lock your back door on your way out of the house; exit through the front door without key, knowing that dh can let you in when you come home; return an hour later to find that dh and baby son are locked in back garden and their rescue will involve the whole street.

CatIsSleepy Mon 17-Sep-07 09:56:16

when going away for the weekend, do not forget to tell dh about the pile of fox poo that has appeared next to the compost bin...

because dh will take dd into the garden, and neglect to keep a close eye on her as he is talking on the phone...

and dd will have great fun smearing said fox poo all over her face, arms, and clothes

least I didn't have to clean her up though!

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