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Page 27 | To think you can't get past 'the ick' im a relationship?

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Thickums Thu 02-Jan-20 20:09:37

LIGHT HEARTED Interested in other posters thoughts on 'the ick'.

For those who don't know, the 'ick' is when someone you are dating just starts to irritate you for no apparent reason.
I dont mean normal annoyances, i mean they start to make your skin crawl and their mannerisms just go through you like a knife.
It can just creep up on you without any warning and they can even tick every box and otherwise be a 10/10 partner but unfortunately even them breathing irritates the life out of you. You try to fight it, but ultimately the irritation can turn to anger and make even the best of people become snappy with rage due to 'the ick'.

Ive experienced this once. Lovely bloke, not a bad bone in his body. After about 2 years for some reason still unknown to me i suddenly got 'the ick'. Watching him eat a pot noodle would make my blood boil.. Literally give me the rage. Everything he did irritated the life out of me.
As he was so lovely i tried my hardest to make things work. Until one day i confessed to a friend who told me about 'the ick' and how once it happens it can never be undone. They will irritate you forever. No one knows the cause of the ick.. But its incurableblush. So i ended it. Felt nothing but relief.

So am i unreasonable to think 'the ick' is a real thing and once it happens the relationship is doomed?

Has anyone else experienced this? What is the reason behind 'the ick'? Why does it usually seem to happen with people who tick all the boxes?

I can't lie, i sometimes read posts on the relationship boards where the OP will say their partner has suddenly said they want out. Whilst everyone else is shouting 'OW' i think to myself maybe they've just got 'the ick?' blush

OP’s posts: |
lemartin Wed 16-Sep-20 18:37:36

I had the WORST ick and we got through it, although it was rather forced as we lived together in a shared house in London we couldn't exactly have space. In our tiny room he slept on the sofa for weeks, even his breathing and chewing would drive me INSANE I couldn't stand him!
I have NO idea where it came from, just one day everything he did infuriated me.
Weeks passed of this and I was looking at other places to move to and I just realised how much of a bitch I was being. I apologised for being so awful over such minor things and we slowly got closer again.
It's been 5 years since then and we get married next year, no sign of ick! Although his chewing still does my head in 🤣🤣

LadyH846 Mon 21-Sep-20 14:21:05


I think it's just a phase. Stick with the person, talk honestly about the niggles, and appreciate and love the person, and it passes.

I think often we get the ick with men because they're mostly grim. If we really love them we can get past it. If we don't love them, that becomes very clear when the ick rears its head.

LadyH846 Mon 21-Sep-20 14:27:45


Yes. I saw someone once whom I had been in a relationship with years before. We were talking in a bar. The old spark was there and the flame was being fanned back into life as we laughed over the past. He reached for his drink and brought it to his (very kissable) lips. I took it all in, romantically thinking that I wouldn't want to forget this, the moment we got back together. Then, quite abruptly, a bucket of cold water was dumped on anything that was smouldering for me. In the corners of his mouth were thick, white secretions. Like he couldn't keep his spit in his mouth and it was gathering and thickening there. And he'd not even noticed.

Ugh. that used to happen to my first boyfriend. I never worked out what it was. So so grim

Sarahjlou Tue 29-Sep-20 21:37:01

Currently experiencing this with bf...all of a sudden I can’t STAND the sight of him. Things that are annoying me: the way he licks his knife at meals, the way he says “hmm it was pleasant” when I ask him if something was agreeable; the fact he gives me a f***ing lesson about everything (told me how to put a pan on boiling pasta earlier tonight because “the steam rises and the pan loses water” ffs I’m 37 and have been boiling pasta regularly since uni); the way his joggers are baggy at the bum; the way he walks up the garden (yep, really); there’s so much more and I’m not sure what I’m going to do because my period is due but I don’t think that’s it...!
Oh and he does that disgusting thing where they hack up stuff from the back of their throat, every morning and night when he brushes his teeth. And this morning he SNIFFED his dental floss whilst he was flossing and said “fuck that smells disgusting”. HURRRL!

Suffice to say I don’t think we’ll be sleeping together again in a hurry...

Ddot Fri 23-Oct-20 10:16:38

I went out with lovely man but he couldn't kiss. I tried everything to change it then one day just told him I like kisses this way. He laughed at me and said thats how children kiss. I'd put up with being swallowed for months and he laughed. Bye bye

Pudmyboy Sun 17-Jan-21 22:24:47

I used to see this gorgeous bloke regularly at the Friday night disco (yes it's that long ago!). Eventually we copped off and I invited him back to mine for a cup of tea which was definitely meant as a euphemism. We walked to his car which was...a Robin Reliant. Oh the ick!! He did come back to mine and did get a cup of tea, but that was all....

Pudmyboy Sun 17-Jan-21 22:26:37

Also, out of the noise of the disco when I could hear him properly, he had a really irritating voice...

Ddot Mon 18-Jan-21 06:31:01

I used to be a body builder. My session ran over and needed to be at work. A very nice man offered to drive me, I normally walked so gratfully accepted.
I got ready ventured outside to be greeted with the sight of this huge bloke standing next to this yellow monstrosity. He had a Cheshire cat smug grim and opened the doors which came up like wings (cant remember the type of sportscar) I got in without saying a word, he asked if I liked his car, great! I replied not enthusiastically.
I suppose he expected me to swoon at his feet but no.
Hate flash cars with a passion, never liked never will.

Yokey Mon 15-Feb-21 10:42:17

This has been my favourite thread of all time. So many laughs!

I've known about the ick for some years now but at 15 I thought there was something wrong with me. Briefly wondered if I must be a lesbian confused

As an adult, there was one guy who used to say "what are your movements, Yokey?" (to ask me my plans for the day). It was like a fucking catchphrase and I can't explain why it annoyed me so much. He was also far too soppy when he told me he loved me and I felt suffocated by his soft caresses - he'd gently stroke my face, staring intently and adoringly at me with puppy dog eyes in full earnest and whisper "I love you, Yokey", wearing a self-satisfied expression whilst exhaling a little too loudly and slowly, clearly expecting me to swoon in appreciation of his profound feelings. BLEURGH. Get the fuck off me!

I think some posters haven't got it. It's not a criticism of the targets of the ick. It is an involuntary and overwhelming repulsion, completely unwelcome. Nobody wants to feel the ick. The things we've noted are likely not the cause but more of a symptom, and I agree with PPs who've said that it's probably a way of our bodies/subconscious or whatever telling us these men fundamentally aren't right for us. A man can do something that gives you the ick and another man can do the same thing without giving you the ick. I think for me it's about perceiving a man as weak in some way - a bit thick, too feminine, needy or some other trait I can't respect. And it doesn't matter what my common sense says; it's purely visceral.

It's also not about being irritated or disgusted by bad habits either. You can get through all kinds of disgust and irritation with the right man and never get the ick.

Ddot Mon 15-Feb-21 15:58:48

I dated a really nice bloke many years ago but for some strange reason I hated his smell. Nothing wrong not dirty, not foody, just something bothered the hell out of me. Strange

adrianmolesmole Mon 15-Feb-21 17:29:37

At the risk of sounding boring I think you CAN get over the ick, but it may take some communication!

For instance I used to have a crush on a guy till I noticed he had long fingernails. We were chatting once and I said (rather tactlessly) why've you got long fingernails then, isn't that weird? And he said 'I know, but I play spanish guitar so I keep them longer'. Ick went away after that.

Jumpers268 Tue 23-Feb-21 10:47:09

Once, a boyfriend said to me in a wistful/hinty way... 'christmas is just round the corner'. That was it for me.

@Weirdomagnet proper laughed at this. Can just imagine the scene 😂😂😂.

Best thread ever. Just spent 2 hours procrastinating reading all the comments. Too good. The ick is real.

An ex would always say he'd overlaid rather than overslept. Every time it made me cringe. He'd also look at me with puppy dog eyes EVERY TIME I spoke. And he was another who liked to be gently stroked. Shudder.

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